What if it’s the better for you all?
Could you give any more details about the distance thing?
like my mother moves to a different country hours away by plane , and we would barely be able to see her, and i live here with my dad and sisters :(
i dont know if its for the better, i would hate for her not to be in my life for the most important times of my life…my graduation, wedding, first baby, etc :(
Why is she moving?
I mean, she could go to another city and that’s it…
Work?
she’s not a citizen here, and she would rather live near her mother and her relatives, and there won’t be a languag barrier.
rose21 wrote:
she’s not a citizen here, and she would rather live near her mother and her relatives, and there won’t be a languag barrier.
You’re from the UK, where’s she from?
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…Indonesia…****…that’s far yeah…
Errr…well,how old are you and your sister?
married for 21 years. not very loving, mum tries but dad it stiff ( wont give her a hug).they’re just out of love. mums been in tears so often, dad pretends nothing is goin on. they dont spend a lot of timetogether, not even going out- only to the supermarket.
2511 wrote:
…Indonesia…****…that’s far yeah…Errr…well,how old are you and your sister?
my sisters are 17 and 14
Well…if they stay together, things will only gets worse…
The best thing they can do now, is to split…
Can you afford to go to see her once in a while (maybe once an year)?
Any reason why you and your sisters can’t move with your mum?
yeh i probably can if i can get a job soon enough.but once a year isnt good enough, she’s my mother not my pen pal :(
i have no money to move overseas, any my sisters r studying at good schools here (my dad has the main finances at the household)
Why is your Dad so cold? Is he in another relationship?
rose21 wrote:
yeh i probably can if i can get a job soon enough.but once a year isnt good enough, she’s my mother not my pen pal :(i have no money to move overseas, any my sisters r studying at good schools here (my dad has the main finances at the household)
And what about your father giving you some money?
my dad is not in another relationship.
hes retired at 54, he’s got enough money for his living now and nothing more.
Well…since things are like that…
If you want to see your mum daily, she’ll have to stay in the UK…if she doesn’t then get used to seeing her only a very short time…
The bigger problem will be for your younger sister….
what will happen to them?
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Divorce most always affects the youngest in the family the hardest. She most likely will try to rationalize the reason for the divorce has something to do with her. You need to draw her close and constantly remind her it’s not her fault.
AmandaLynn wrote:
Ahh.. well - then if THEY dont change - i dont see anything happening to keep them together sweety. People need different things from a relatinship. Sometimes we choose people that either 1) dont know how to express love in a way that their partner can understand it and receive it, or 2) are just hard people and have a lot of past baggage making them refuse to be in a vaunerable position with their mate - which love does put you in a vaunerable position. People that are hurt when they are young often react by covering that hurt with anger, frustration, coldness, and in short - always have their defenses up. Only problem is that its nearly impossiable to have a realtionship with peopel like that, married, friend, or even father daughter… In both cases - the relationship likely wont last. So i really dont see much hope for the relationship - because its up to them.. not yall. And as far as other things - sometimes life brings us times taht are hard to go through. Sometimes times that are good. If you cant go with your mom right now, and shes not going to stay in the area - there is not much you can do unfortunately. … unless you saved up the money to go overseas and live with her. Its nice to wish for things to be a certain way - or for you to be able to do certain things - but reality has to set in sometime. And if you cant go - you cant go. If you can - you can. Times may be hard for a while. And with things like this - where so much of your “circumstances” is dependend on someone other than you - its so hard to say what will and will not happen - i dotn think you can predict to much of the future - you have to just take a bit at a time. But still dont let this situation use you - you use it. And for one - use this experience to learn a bit about relationships. Know your man very well before you say I DO - and dont let your emotions get in the way of what is obvious.
thanks so much amanda, thanks for ur lovely reponse. x
There isn’t alot that can be done. You could try to remind them of how much they love each other, but untimately, it will be their choice alone whether they stay together or not. Although your parents may still both love you, it may be time for them to move on. But if their love is strong enough, they can stay together no matter what comes at them.
Neutra wrote:
There isn’t alot that can be done. You could try to remind them of how much they love each other, but untimately, it will be their choice alone whether they stay together or not. Although your parents may still both love you, it may be time for them to move on. But if their love is strong enough, they can stay together no matter what comes at them.
thank u
She’ll need guidance..something that her mother can give her..and that’s hard for anyone else to give her..
She’ll go through a lot in the next years, and not having a mother won’t help her…
Besides, missing her…
Do your parents fight a lot?
I’m sorry to say , but you and your sisters really can’t do anything that will keep them together, I hope and pray that it will turn out the way you want .
yeh they do pretty much..
well i hope me and my sister will be able to help guide my youngest sister
Are you in school too Rose?
It won’t be very easy…
But she’ll have to understand sooner or later, that it’d be worse if they stayed together…
Good luck with it
i just finished 3 years of university and living at home again…
thanks 2511, thank u everyone for ur help :(x
No problem ;)
remember to keep an eye on your sister!
You and your 17 year old sister should find jobs as soon as possible. Save as much as you can but keep in as much contact with your Mum as you can. Phone calls, letters, Email(?) if that is an option. Perhaps twice a year you can send money to your Mum to fly back to see you three. One airfare is cheaper than three going the opposite direction.
Your father is stiff, you say.
But have you talked it through with him?
He seems to be the one pressing for a divorce, and not your mother giving up on trying.
It is his responsibility to provide the means for keeping the family together, whether he likes it or not.
Not neccessarily under the same roof if he fails to bring harmony into the family, but at least keeping his children within reach from their mother.
Just try and remember that none of this is your fault, or your responsibility.
My parents went through a very messy break-up, and 15 years down the line, there’s still court cases and fighting, and it feels like it may never end. For a long time i felt a duty to try and fix it.
But now, instead of trying to fix it for them, (because i know now that i cant,) i just try to be there for my sister.
She’s same sort of age as your youngest, and i worry how this all affects her at such a hard stage in life.
Let your parents do what they have to do, ensure they know that you love them both.
But also let them know how this is hurting you, and share your fears for your sisters.
And dont forget that no matter where in the world your mum is, she is still your mum, and always will be.
And i’m sure she’s ripped up inside having to leave her little girls behind.
Don’t try and be a superhero. Just look after yourself and your sisters.
chin up.x
thanks so much for all your replies guys it has helped me a lot..i think my parents r trying their best to love again..but we will just wait and see.. much love to all you angels.
No problem!
Always glad to help you out ;)
No dramas.
Hope it helped.
p.s. by the way, i wud just like to point out, that if thats you in the picture….then you are beautiful.x :)
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jodie_lak wrote:
No dramas.
Hope it helped.
p.s. by the way, i wud just like to point out, that if thats you in the picture….then you are beautiful.x :)
thank u ^^ x
my ex boyfriends mum and dad have went through the same thing. his dad has moved away to another country and he barely sees his dad. its very tough on him and thats why he is so depressed. i dnt think you can do anthing to sort out your mum and dad’s relationship. it must be so hard though and i totally understand. you got to look after your happiness too chick and make sure your happy. i guess if it was me i would try and be there for my parents, not just as their daughter but as a friend and someone they can go to for advice. must be tough though, hope your ok. x
yeah at the moent the sitation is up and down, my mood is up and down- its affecting work and my boss had to speak to me. i’m trying so hard to always be cheery (i work in a pub), but apparently some people can see right through me. they know me too well! thanks for the advice.
has your dad ever served in the H.M.Forces? Cuz that’s characteristic of serving and exservice men!
Am not trying to be hursh here.but i figure that your dad needs a panel beating!! sit him down and read it clear to him that you need a strong and unselfish family and that you can only get that if mom & dad stayed together..xxx
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