life help: i have a marriage issue problem - Help.com

This just sounds insane to me. Is this an arranged marriage? I mean why should be forced to marry someone. Do what you feel is right in your heart. I would be careful something definintely sounds a little weird. There is no rush to get married you have the rest of your life if you want to be with her. I hope that you can choose the best way for you. Good luck and I wish you the best.

i say stay and keep your job. this seems so weird to me. really, if you guys are meant to be and she loves you then it will happen–when its the best time for BOTH of you.
and at any rate, you shouldn’t be pushed into marriage. its a bit deal! its supposed to be one of the biggest moments of your life! that just sounds like a bit of a nightmare to me.

good luck

x

This is suspicious at best isnt it ? this is a thought and only a thought, this girl hasn’t by chance got herself pregnant and they want to find a Dad real quick has she ? I may be way off here, but its the only reason I can come up with as to why the big rush hon ? very strange to me.

I assume you both are Muslim. May I ask if you respected her during your dating time, meaning no physical contact (you know what I mean). If the answer is yes, then I don’t understand what is the rush unless she was touched before you came to her life and her family wants to marry her in a rush to save her and her family’s dignity. Even if that is true, in today’s modern world, and if you both love each other so much, it really does not matter how “clean” is she right? Next time the uncle calls (it is normal in your culture to communicate this matter with her male relative, that I know) ask the uncle why is the rush? He has to tell you an honest, straightforward answer if they have nothing to hide. In any case, I have to agree, don’t give up your job over this. If they or she can’t wait, then it will be her loss. You will always find someone else.

I didnt put it as Delicately as Beatrice, but if you havent had contact with her, is there a chance that theres been another. I think Beatrice and i are on the same page here.

she was engaged before and, it was a bad relationship with the other guy, she didnt go into details about it she didn’t want to.
but she was ok at first when we wanted to get married june 2009 and her step dad and mother was ok with it to, but she went on vacation this month to the states and her uncle suddenly started telling me its not good and its wrong. and after that she calls me and tells me if you cant make it at the end of the month then its over like what happened , i dont want to leave my job, my new job has better a much better pay and also i can afford to buy a house i cannot sacrifice all that.
also in response to beatrice i never contacted her in that matter , like i was on vacation i only saw her for like a 5 days and we settles things with the parents and her that next year is the wedding and we will be in contact by phone and internet to stay close to each other.

This is what makes me wonder hon,did something happen, while she was on vacation ??it just seems so odd to me the sudden rush after the vacation.

i asked she said everything is ok, her uncle also kept asking me about the immigration law and how long it will take, explain to him in canada immigration law are different from the states and its easy to sponsor a spouse than a fiancee or a friend, i guess he wanted to rush it because of that, but still dont make since to me come at the end of the month and get everything done now, like that the system here even if i did all that she might also wait 6-8 months still, and that is not enough for me to quit a new job and go back jobless with not enough money got wedding and honeymoon and living expenses. like most people i know they got engaged first and wait a year to get married. also getting a lawyer to give power of attorney to someone else to marry her on behalf of me , that also i dont feel right. i dont just seems also funny and there is alot of hidden things i dont know of and i dont know if i can handle them , her step dad and mom say its the uncle make thing worse

I really wouldn’t quit he job hon,that’s no way to start a marriage as you say.
Seeing what you’ve put here there certainly seems to be something thats not good.
I’d go with my instincts on this one, as we say in England if it smells wrong, then there’s a good chance it is wrong.:-) Good luck with it hon.

Sorry I was away for a while. Here is my input. rsaleh10, don’t rush into marriage. It seems A LOT like it would be an honour marriage, rescuing her and her “bad” reputation because of a previous engagement. They want to marry her to the first available Muslim man who is willing to accept her “not being clean” anymore. YOu noticed I put those words in quotation marks and you know exactly what I am talking about. I am sure she is a wonderful woman and it is not only her fault her engagement broke up. But being who she is, she must follow her family’s and culture’s rules. Tell her uncle in Canada it takes about 9 months before she gets legal if she is sponsored as a spouse. I know because I am sponsoring my spouse who is an American man. In the US it is much easier to get work permit than in here, and they do accept fiances being sponsored. You have no other choice but to give up on her and move on. You can’t sacrifice your job, your future for the unknown. If her family does not understand it, then they have something else to hide and they are not honest about it with you. Think deep in your heart and logic, is this woman really worth it? Do you know everything about her to say you would want to spend the rest of your life with? You said you saw her 5 times. That is not even enough time to fall in love with someone. Just think………

thanks alot for the advice , i will think more about , yes it does sound fishy to me
so thanks again for the help