life help: i feel really depressed guilty and confused =| - Help.com

You may not like hospitals. But you have to put that aside to visit your dad, or you will ALWAYS feel guilty that you didn’t. The time you have left with him is very precious. You need to spend of much of it as you can with him. That means putting want you want second, and putting your dad first.

go see him. i lost an uncle to cancer. i live several states away and i would have given anything to have been there with him. to have seen him more before he died. we had made a trip to go see him one last time, it ended up being a trip to go to his funeral.
try to put the guilt aside for now. just go see him and tell him you love him. its not too late.

It is good help - in the long run. You have to take a long term biew of this. Yes it is hard, yes you want to go out with your friends and hate going to the hospital, that is natural given your age.

However, in the long term, you will feel worse if you don’t go to the hospital to see your dad. One day you will look back at the fact your dad is upset by you not visiting him, and the guilt will be much worse.

I know. My dad died two years ago, and I wish with all my heart I had taken more time to visit him, spet more time with him, told him how much I loved him more.

I am trying to get you to see how precious this time you have is. Make the most of it.

Sadly he was an alcoholic. He died of liver failure.

And I’m honestly not trying to make you feel worse. I feel so much for you having to go through this.

But he is your dad. Your only dad. He loves you and you love him. Make sure you let him know and be there for him as much as possible.

You have your whole life to go out and enjoy yourself, and you’ll be able to do it knowing you and your dad made the most of this precious time you have left together.

You will go on to live a long and happy life, with happy memories of time spent together. I wish I could go back and spend more time with my dad. Don;t make the same mistake I did. :)

I am so sorry to hear that your Father has cancer and the time you have left with him is shadowed by him being in the hospital.

You are right, you desire to go hang out with your friends. Of course you do! You should go out, but you should also go see your father.

I am pretty darn certain there are support systems set up within the hospital that could help you deal with your confusion and guilt. Go to the hospital and ask the nurse about this sort of service. I know, I know … you don’t have time for it … and it would mean that you have to deal with the situation … the pain, the confusion. But, this is life dear, you must deal with it, face it now and process it. This will help you in the long run. We know it is difficult for you, we want to support you …

You need to take time to sit with your father, it will be difficult for you, but you MUST do it. If you do not, you will regret it VERY MUCH later.

Go to the hospital, sit with your Dad. Let him know you love him, let him know it is difficult for you to go see him … tell him why. Hold his hand and talk about the things you have shared and what is going on in your life NOW.

You love your Dad, give him your time AND balance yourself, go do what makes you laugh, hang out with your friends. But, don’t isolate yourself from your father right now.

Good luck to you. You are in my thoughts and I send you strength. You will get through this and you will find your balance. Life does go on.

You’re welcome. :)

Ditto what the others said about regretting it in the future if you don’t go now.

It’s not only normal at your age to want to hang out with friends, but also to try to avoid the tough stuff. There are few things harder to deal with than a parent with cancer. But you know, doing something for someone else, because it’s the right thing to do, makes you a stronger, better person. It is a strength you can draw on the rest of your life.

When that guy you think is so cute breaks you heart some day you can tell yourself, “I went and saw my Dad in the hospital, I can get through this.” You lose a job, you tell yourself, “finding another job will be easy compared to going to see my Dad in the hospital day after day.” You’ll be a better friend, and someday a better mother, because right now you did what was really hard for you - but matters so much to your Dad who loves you.

Oh I am so sorry. I truly am. You are a good person, and your dad knew that. You did your very best for him and loved him. I will be thinking of you.

Look after your mam, but remember to look after yourself. Your father will always be with you, and you will treasure his memory forever. I have my dads ring, and every now and again I like to wear it, it makes me feel close to him. Is there something special your mam will let you have?

He is always, always with you. You will go on to be a lovely young woman and a great mother. And you will pass on your dad’s wisdom and love to his grandchildren. That will be the greatest thing.

Will you be allowed to take some friends to the funeral to help you?

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
i dont think i would want to go to be honest i hate them so much even if im not close to the person i only went to one

What do you mean? Who do you hate?

It is a personal thing. Your dad would understand. But does your mam need you there?

You should really try to get to the hospital and see your dad. He needs you right now!

It can be really good to keep your normal routine going. It will help you get through it. Go to school and see your friends as you normally would.

phuckit! wrote:
You should really try to get to the hospital and see your dad. He needs you right now!

Read the whole post, Phuckit he just died! Sorry

Oh….so sorry:(

But whilst you may want to act normally, you must remember to grieve. You MUST had a good cry, as much as you want. It is a healing process that you need to go through.

Sorry to hear about your dad, in a sense it is good, his suffering was not years and years like some but was long enough for everyone to be ableto say good bye.
Abubis is right, you need to grieve and I am sure you will and like most time it will suddenly hit you like a ton of bricks even if you think you are fine about it all deep down it hasn’t sunk in yet.

GOOD, it is healthy to cry and let it out. You can’t heal until you do. Everyone goes through this. I tried not to cry, and after a week it was like a dam bursting. If I hadn’t cried then I think I would have actually exploded or something. So cry as much as you need.

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
going to funerals not a who a thing :) lol

my grandad died and and i didn’t want to go see him before he was buried, then one day i was walking past my aunties house where his body was being kept, i had walked past it so many time until that day i don’t know why but i walked in walked through to where he was and just looked at him before i just totally broke down and cried for days… im glad i did i felt much better for it,

i also made an effort to go to the funeral ive never cried so much in my life it helped to see how many people came to say goodbye, i think you and your mum need to go through this together you will both come away from this stronger if you do.

Yeah, that is really awful. It is horrible to watch people grieve, that is why your friends cry with you. It is so painful to watch, you cry with them. And that is ok too.

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
yeah it lets you know they are true friends when they cry with you

Exactly, the like you so much it hurts them to see you in pain. So they cry with you. And that is like that with your mum. You hate to see her in pain. But together you will come through this and be stronger for it. Be kind to her. Make her cups of tea, do little jobs around the house, she will appreciate it so much at this time when she so much to do and is in so much pain.

But take time to be with your friends a bit, so you can not worry about your mam, and just let it all out yourself.

I also think Dr Awsome McCool (who i know to be a great guy) has given you some good advice about going to the funeral. It may be best for you even if it does not seem so now.

Funerals are very good rituals. We have developed this system over hundreds of years as the best way to say goodbye. Yes it is painful, but seeing how many people loved your dad, and having a chance to say goodbye, is very important for you.

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
yeah = at least i know people are there for me, i have like 3 offers to stay at a house if i want to lol

Excellent. And maybe when you are sure your mum is ok, or has people staying with her, you should take up that offer. You can be ‘yourself’ and let yourself go.

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
yeah i guess all my teahers know as well so thats good

You beat me to it. That was going to be my next suggestion. make sure your school knows, so that if you get upset they know why and give you some leeway.

Hello sweetheart.. I have just been invited here by your friend Anubis.
You might not wish to hear this, but you have to go to your Dads funeral love…Remember how guilty you felt not wishing to see him in the hospital. Don’t make it any worse for your self. You need the opportunity to say your goodbyes…He will be there listening you will fell him and his love with you..

*feel

funerals are not depresig you are crying becouse you know it is the last time you will see someone… but its really a celebration of that persons life, it was a great thing for me to go to, it is the first funeral ive gone to that i was old enought o fully understand and it has helped me to improve myself as a person. i like to think that is the legacy of my grandad.

Thanks smoogie. And this is great advice.

And I’m glad to hear you are going to go to the funeral. It will be hard, but the best for you and your mum.

Over the next few days, keep us updated on how you feel, or if you just want to chat. I shall ‘friend’ you on here, so you can shout me whenever you want.

Perhaps other people could friend you too? So we can help you through this.

Once you have said your goodbyes. You will be able to move on free in the knowlege that you have done right by your parents. Xx. And the strength you take from his passing will hold you forever.

you can talk to me about this anytime. :)

Are you ok?

PS I hate having to type Like.Me.Or.Hate.Me every time! haha Is there something shorter you prefer? :)

I have added you as a friend chicken. Hope thats cool? *HUGS*

i dunno if it helps but this song helped me through that time in my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B75Tie…

and this one…probably more so,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypSIiI…

That is so nice of you. I shall call you Dr Thoughtful McLovely!

She has gone offline at the moment poor dear. I hope she keeps in touch with us so we can help her through this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B75Tie…

Drats I was trying to put the vid up on screen. Still can’t figure this out…

Hello,
I am sorry I have not replied sooner, I know how hard it is to lose a person that you are very close to, I actually know what it is like to lose ones father, as I lost my father in 2001, I know it is very hard to lose someone like that, I also know that over time you will heal, you never actually get over your fathers death, however over time, you learn to be able to control it! So just trust me, won’t you?

smoogie. wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B75Tie…

I am just going to edit that slightly:

Original on YouTube.com

You need to put [youtube:URL]

smoogie. wrote:
Drats I was trying to put the vid up on screen. Still can’t figure this out…

hehe me niether, you like that song tho? really helped me.

Original on YouTube.com

URL problem, sorry!

Hey.
Hospitals aren’t the greatest place. I know how you feel.
You are right, the soap is pretty awesome.
Maybe you should just tell your mum that you hate seeing your dad in hopsital and that it’s making you feel depressed.
But on the other hand, you should probably go and visit your dad. He is your dad after all and he probably really misses you and wants to see you.
*hugs*
It will be okay, trust me. Going to the hospital won’t kill you, and I’m sure visiting your dad will make both of you feel a lot better.
Good luck, and I hope your dad feels better and is out of hospital soon.
xx

this b=vid cant be embedded , its another song but its a rely upbeat uplifting song. i think it will help you out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMBgSf…

Crazy.Firework wrote:
Hey.
Hospitals aren’t the greatest place. I know how you feel.
You are right, the soap is pretty awesome.
Maybe you should just tell your mum that you hate seeing your dad in hopsital and that it’s making you feel depressed.
But on the other hand, you should probably go and visit your dad. He is your dad after all and he probably really misses you and wants to see you.
*hugs*
It will be okay, trust me. Going to the hospital won’t kill you, and I’m sure visiting your dad will make both of you feel a lot better.
Good luck, and I hope your dad feels better and is out of hospital soon.
xx

read all the posts her father has passed away.

Oh no.
I am so sorry, like.me.or.hate.me…
My fault for not reading all the posts.
Take care, love.
We’re here for you.
It’s good that you’ll go to your dad’s funeral…I know they’re pretty awful.
Try and keep yourself upbeat, do things, get out, have fun.
I know what it’s like to have someone pass away, you have to make sure that you keep yourself feeling happy, but you can still think about the person you’ve lost.
Stay strong for yourself and your mum.
You’re not alone. There’s always someone here to talk.
xx

Dear girl, life sometimes sucks. While the most important moment of it is getting into it, the second most important moment is leaving it. We seldom know when it is going to happen, but we know it will.

Very few get the opportunity to have all the dearest around when it happens. Sometimes it is not even desireable, that is so difficult to tell or judge. But the most important is that we know that we are loved and will not be forgotten. I guess that your father knew that you love him, wherever you were when he passed away.

Even if you feel negligent, I don’t think your father looked at it that way. Teenagers tell parents off, that is part of the game and parents know it. My sons often told me off or told me that parents suck. But that is true, parents sometimes suck and that is also part of the game. But I know that my sons love me very much, and I try to let them know that I know.

When it comes to the funeral, it does not have to be a miserable event. My mother was the most amazing and loved person you can imagine, but her funeral became a happy event with a lot of laughters. Of course not during the ceremonies, but during the gathering afterwards. It became an opportunity to meet all relatives and family friends we did not often see, just as she would have wanted it. And we shared a lot of happy memories from her life. I don’t feel at all guilty because of that.

Your father had his illness, and he had his shortcomings as we all have. But I am sure that he had hundreds of good sides too, and that there are a lot of happy memories to bring up if you think.
Try to concentrate on the positive things and forget about negative. That is what serves him best, and what he would like if he could see you now!

I of course miss my mother, but she would be old if she had still lived, and probably not felt so well. So I am glad with how things are, and I am glad for the positive stuff that I remember.

My hugs to you and your family!

Sweetie I am so sorry for your loss, having lost a lot of people in my family to cancer, I know how much it hurts.
I have only been allowed to attend one of the funerals, and it was the saddest thing I have had to do, but it made me feel so much better.
Good luck, and you will be in my thoughts.
~A.E~

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
ok well im online people just to let you know if you want to tell me anything at all :)

how you doing? did you look at any of the vids i posted for you here?

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
not yet i will though my mam is playing depressing music downstairs with my aunty, its the funeral next thursday i never realised how soon it would be :|

think of the funeral as a celebration of your dads life, your mum will be soo happy that you are going stay close to her at the funeral. i will link you to some songs.

Dave Matthews Band: Every day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMBgSf…
Dave Matthews Band: So Much To say: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYt_3Z…
Dave Matthews Band: Grey Street: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w9YqY…

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
another thing, on the way to school i am certian i saw a cloud shaped like an angel :| could it be a sign of anything? it wasnt a clear shape but i saw the wings and the head, it made me feel a little better

glad it made you feel better, just remember its ok to cry and feel bad, you will cry so much at the funeral but you will feel so much better afterwards.

Just remember everyone going to the funeral loved your dad very much and they are all going to pay their respects, it wont be enjoyable but it is important you go.

everything will be okay, youll be so glad you went to the funeral, in a strange way it will feel like the best thing you will have ever done.

just listen to those songs, check out the band too i think they could be a good way to help your stress, do you like the songs? :)

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
yeah they r good

hehehe glad you like them, they are my favorite band i always listen to them when i come home from a stressful day or if i need to chill out before interviews, they always do the trick. im glad your doing ok :) keep it up.

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
i just want to go to sleep wake up and its all back to normal but every morning i wake up and i realise it wont happen

that will stop after the funeral. dont worry if you want to cry about it go downstairs and give your mum a big hug and let it out. it will be good for you.

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
thankyou for all your help :) it hurts like hell

i know it does, i know if you dont want to worry your mum but she wants to be with you at this moment she needs you and you need her, i know you dont want to cry and look strong for her but its a good thing for both of you of you cry with her. it will let out alot of stress.

Oh I missed you! I hope I will catch you again over the next few days. Please keep coming back to talk to us. I’m also very pleased to see you are going to the funeral. Those songs will help too.

I’m thinking of you luv, take care and keep strong. Hugs to you and your family.

No, it is not stupid. It is a cute thing. If I had one, I’d like my kid to wear it when I am gone.

That’s not a stupid thing at all to wear your dad’s necklace.
It’s beautiful. :)

I am sorry about my late replies, I know how hard it is on you!

yeah, keep all of them, all those momentums help to ease the pain!

yeah, listen if you are supposed to wear shirts, you can easily fasten the top button that will hide the necklace!

yeah, and are you allowed jewellery?

I hope you will be allowed keep them on you, and that they won’t be taken off you!

Eugene wrote:
I hope you will be allowed keep them on you, and that they won’t be taken off you!

Me too. :)

like.me.or.hate.me wrote:
yeah :/ but its easier scince i was like sitting on my bed crying with my mam when i got this neclace :)

i yold you it would be better after you cried a bit. i think its really sweet that your wearing your dads necklace, never let it go. its a treasure.

I have my dad’s signet ring. Sometimes I like to wear it. Sometimes I put it away safe (I am frightened I damage it) and other times I just get it out and hold it. It just makes me feel close to him.

With your shirt fastened, there is no way your teachers should see the necklace and I’m sure your class tutor will be cool with it as long as you hide it.

Lying around your neck it will make you feel close to your dad. But if you have to take it off, don’t get too upset, just keep it somewhere safe and treasure it.

Keep us updated. *HUGS*

Oh I have just realised. What about the days you have PE? When you have Phys Ed it might be best to leave the necklace at home as you don’t want to risk losing it then. Just a thought.

*Hugs*

Hi Girl … I am sadden to hear of your father’s death. You will be riding the waves of the emotional roller coaster for awhile, then … in even years from now, you will suddenly miss him again and feel sad again. It’s natural and it is to be expected.

When I miss my dad … I think of how he and I used to sit at the kitchen table and talk about philosphical things, I think of how he taught me to honor all people and to be confident. I have the Air Force uniform … it fits me !! funny eh, he was a small man. But, a force to be reckoned with.

I cried when he died, but I didn’t cry alot. I love him dearly. I have come to terms with death, it’s just physical. I know my dad is with me, I know he still loves me as much as ever. He’s one of my Guardian Angels now. I do miss our talks though.

Like me … I am glad you have the necklace, it connects you to him. :) :) now those are big big smiles !! The Clouds! By all means, my dear … YES, I would say that was a collective spiritual hug from your deceased loved ones! They, including your father … are there for you. They love you and are comforting you. My child, you are blessed.

When I die … I want people to celebrate my life! I have worked hard and have no regrets. I want people to be happy I LIVED and I did it MY WAY. I will miss them too … and they me … but, I don’t want anyone hurting anymore than is absolutely necessary. Life goes on …

I hope I am not sounding cold hearted. It DOES hurt! You have to ride out the pain, honor your Dad by basking in the heartwarming memories you have of him. Feel his unconditional love … and I mean, UNconditional love. Not even the present condition can make his love depart you.

Big hug to you Sweety. Thinking of you.

Hey you. You are right.You never get over losing someone, but you do get through it. You are being very mature in your attitude. You are going to make your mam proud. I will be thinking of you come Thursday..:HUG:

Have you any idea where he would want his ashes to be scattered?

Keep them for a little while if that will make you both feel closer to him..Must admit though the boat sounds really nice and personal.

Many people get cremated, like.me … my dad was cremated also. We buried most of his ashes under an evergreen tree, we have a marker that says, “more than a father” because he was … he raised us alone, several years ago when being a single parent was not as common and certainly not a father as a single parent.

We were able to place special tokens of love in the ground to be buried along side of him. I placed a statue of the madonna to be near, love and protect him always.

I did not see his body, it was okay with me, I have seen enough dead bodies. I did not need to see his for ‘closure’. We will scatter his remaining ashes from a plane he loved dearly. My brother is restoring it, he is also a pilot … he will take the ashes up, fly upside down and pour them. Dad will be honored and proud.

Always remember the greatness of your father. Each one of us has our unique greatness … it is the gift we give to each other … always remember your father’s unique greatness and smile. This will help warm your heart and let you feel the connection to him.

Thinking of you Sweety.

It is wonderful that so many people are prepared to sure such intimte stories of their bereavments with you. I dearly hope you are gathering comfort from them to help you in the days ahead. Much best wishes.

No don’t be scared at all its wounderful.

Your dad will always be looking after you. That doesn’t mean he is over your shoulder every minute of the day. But just ‘around’, looking out for you. I hope you and your mam are coping well. *hugs*