Love help: Im so anxious. - Help.com

Dis you guys continue your relationship when he moved out of state?

Have you broken it off with him?

please ignore jkwill1 - not sure why he’s being so mean today.

Long distance relationships are HARD. There’s a lot of trust that has to happen. If it’s causing you this much anxiety, then maybe you guys need to break up.

True, misery loves company… Ignore that comment.True long distance relationships are hard to manage. Does he call you or do you have to be the one to initiate communications? You may be working yourself up for no valid reason. Keeping yourself busy is key. Focus on the positive to looking forward when you two do talk. relax!!!!!

oh, sorry didn’t know you already broke it off… Stay focused with something other then him. Can’t change what is.. Try tackeling something you’ve never done before.

Why do you hate yourself for loving person so much? if it did not work, then something else will work.

I know it is not going to be easy. I give advices too hard to bear if i were in the situation. But moving on is just going to be the next best thing to do now.

If you do a lot and he does not work on it, then whose loss is it?

Missing someone after a breakup is so very painful. I also think that even if you want to “stay friends,” it’s good to stop all contact (no phone calls or texting) for a little while to let you clear the air. Cuz otherwise, you can drive yourself crazy trying to overanalyze every word said - which is what it sounded like you were doing a bit of in your post.

The very best advice I’ve seen about getting over someone was written by another user on this site (phuckit! - yeah, it’s an interesting user name, isn’t it?), and here’s what he said in response to a different post.

Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It’s okay to be hurt, feel alone, and feel like you have messed up. Accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy, but you must also accept that you are a good person, and this is not all one-sided. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to begin to move on.
Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it seems there wasn’t a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed one another for a while, but even though everything seemed okay to you, if the relationship was not what your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later.
Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the split was, how it occurred (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the final break. There may be feelings of resentment at your ex for wasting your time. You may realize the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel like you hate yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It’s a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change.
Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, loving friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile, worthy person again, and you’ll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net.

. . .and here’s the rest of what phuckit! said (it was too long to put in one post)

Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don’t edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to “get” valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you’ve been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.
Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn’t require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with these tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain.
Keep fond memories, discard painful ones. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, turn the station and move on - don’t dwell on the pain. But if you have a keepsake, such as a watch or a pin that was given to you by your ex, and it makes you feel good to wear it and remember the good parts of your relationship, by all means, do so.
Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you’ve always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well.

Wow! All that is certainly food for thought. This would change my perspective.Nicely done :)

i’m gonna sound like an ******* now..

if someone can’t make me feel safe & happy about our relationship no matter how far we are from each other, is no match for me, no matter how great he/she is.. you love him/her, but maybe you deserve someone you won’t even think of anxiety when away from you? i think you do deserve that, and when you do find it you will love it a ton times better ;)

howw..
i would sy its impossible..

wat you neec to do is,…
not give him a cal…

think abt him or watevr..

but if u want to move on…

move on..

just dont giv a danm abou…

term him as a sunk cost..or as it s said…lost cause

AND DONT WRITE POEMS… DONT WRITE AT ALL….

sometimes it acts as a catalyst.. but not neccessrily in forgting him…
u might just think u r mising him, love,etc(**cough cough** bullshit)

as soon as u want ..youtube mad tv or sumthng…

TRUST ME

seas light wrote:
Wow! All that is certainly food for thought. This would change my perspective.Nicely done :)

OH YEAH! AMEN TO THAT!

Take a deep breath. There are several options that present themselves here:

Option one: you forget about him. You have to get over him. Turn up your ipod until your eardrums are killing you, go for a run, a hike, a bike ride, exercise until it hurts. Get out of your house, you need a change in scenery, if only for this moment. Go to the library the store the mall, the place you feel most safe. Where you can collapse in a quiet huddle and just lose yourself in your music. Dedicate this last song to him, then snap your ipod off. A clean break. Now be angry at him (seems ridiculous but think about everything that’s wrong with him: making you worry, not answering your calls, ect) and start changing. Just storm back home, and repeat in your head a mantra of “everything new”. Change everything that reminds you of him, anything. The string color of your bracelet, the hairband you wear, /anything/. Get rid of it and get rid of him. Cry all you want. Then: let. him. go.

Option two: (eh, not that I recommend it but it’s there) Go to him. Hop a plane, a train, heck climb on superman, but go see him. Maybe all you need is to show up, slap him good, and just leave him. For a last goodbye. Don’t go in his house, don’t say anything at all then what you need to say, then /walk away/. Run away. run run run run run until your lungs are screaming and your legs are failing, just run until you find refuge, be it in the arms of family or the arms of a friend. You’ve said your goodbye, now he’s out of your life. Take a mental image of him. Was he always that scruffy? Was his ears always so big, his nose so large? Why, he fits the song “U-L-G-Y”! What were you thinking? Now, get your stuff and beach it up. Florida is nice this time of year, they’re having a special at Disney world don’t you know it’s the happiest place on earth? And while you’re there, you can forget, scream loudly at him on roller coasters, and slowly warm up to that nice lookin’ feller that keeps sitting next to you.

Option Three: (NOOO don’t do it! I’m only mentioning it cause I’m too O.C.D to leave anything out! Don’t do it~!) Call him and tell him that you want to be back with him. You love him don’t you? Call him and tell him this. At least it’ll be off your chest. And if he can’t return the sentiment, burn his pictures in a rightful rage. Burn who he was to you. Burn the bridge he wouldn’t let you cross.

Not that this is really oh-so-helpful after phuckit!’s response…D:

Anyways, Good Luck.

Indigo_Rain wrote:
Not that this is really oh-so-helpful after phuckit!’s response…D:

lol hehehehehehe o phuck it, if not as helpful then definitely relieving :)

lazy wrote:

Indigo_Rain wrote:
Not that this is really oh-so-helpful after phuckit!’s response…D:

lol hehehehehehe o phuck it, if not as helpful then definitely relieving :)

*sniffles* really? Aw, thank you kindly, Lazy, you’ve done me a great justice with your kind words.

Hey talk to your friends about this - that’s what they’re there for! Don’t keep trying to put on a “brave face” for them . . .

i recently split up with my bf now ex and im having trouble figuring out how to forge a friendship with now maybe its to soon i dunno. my advice to you is just ride ur emtions out. Listen to sad songs and cry when ur angry listen to angry music put it on really loud and sing and dance around ur room sounds sad i know but helps u forget when u wanna come on here and talk about it when u want to. write in a dairy how ur feeling keep busy read a book watch a film i recommend the notebbook if u have not seen it already i cried like a baby but was so reliefed to cry about something else other than him. speak to ur friend if she is having problems too then she might be pleased off the break from them and thats what she is there for. See this as a life experince at the end ov it you will come out stronger. And all i wanted to do was forget him but i dont now he was a massive part ov my life and i dont regret anything with him im a better person because he came in my life there is a light trust me just takes that word u dont want to hear but its so true time

Obsessing over a past love breaks you down, makes you feel dependent upon what you had to be a whole person.

To heal you have to stop breaking yourself down and start building YOU. Focus on what you love about YOU. Think of how much time over the past week you have wasted breaking yourself down over something that is gone. Take that same amount of time and invest it in something you care about. Maybe it’s books, films, music, visiting new places around town, exploring, hiking, anything! :)

Make it a routine, for example if it were books; read one chapter a day in a book you want to read, no exceptions, no excuses, one chapter every day. Same thing for films or music, listen to one CD uninterrupted all the way through every day, or watch one movie every day no interruptions, no excuses. Become an expert on YOU and what you love.