marriage help: My husband watches porn… - Help.com

oooh. good question… let me take some time to reply to this.

you shouldn’t feel “unworthy” and “not enough” for him. porn is just very addictive, even to lots of guys who are completely and totally into their girlfriends.

in a long-distance relationship (but not in my normal ones), i did watch porn. and i felt very conflicted about it. it wasn’t lack of interest in my girlfriend - just desire to get release from the distraction of wandering around horny all the time.

now, lots of guys know lots of other guys who watch porn, so there’s also this social sense that it’s “okay” even for husbands. in fact, i think it’s a problem, because it limits energy he’d direct toward you. and keeping up a healthy sex life with any partner takes energy and creativity.

Most of my peers, are tottaly ok with it, as look as the subjects are old enough adults if you know what I mean. Some of us, are in realtion ships. Try watching something you are both into?

yeah - i think the ONE solution here is that you’re to involve yourself in the whole porn watching thing. completely. as in, watch it with him. pretend to do scenes yourself. at least, normalize it. check out “erotic fantasies,” a small book by sandie tifinie, for some creative ideas.

this will, of course, take enormous effort. because he’s likely to want to keep this private.

If you don’t like porn, Tell him whaterever. You just don’t want to see it. Let him have a secret stash of things. Hidden in the house. Maybe if you want to do something bad A**, hide a Vib##8TAR

this is not to say that you shouldn’t argue for him limiting it.

the thing is, i wasn’t all offended by it before… Until we watched it while having sex (his choice) and he stopped having sex with me to watch it…

He promised he wouldn’t watch it in front of me anymore because I feel weird watching it… just by himself
But he was flipping the channels in front of me and turned it to a porn while I’m sitting next to me

He knows I don’t like it when he does that in front of me…
I know I sound prude but I feel inadequate… especially since we’ve been having sex 2 times a day now…

I think it depends on you. Some girlfriends or wives watch those with their men together. As long as it does not affect your relationship…like he forces you to try on things he sees on porn stuff, then that is when the problem comes. But if you’re okay with it and it adds spice to your sexual life (which is needed for marriage by the way and you ENJOY it), then you won’t mind. I don’t.

There aren’t many men out there that don’t watch porn hon, if there is any the numbers are Umm limited Id say. The old adage is sex sells, and it will always be around for people to watch, buy, do, and so forth. I felt unworthy too it tends to make you think oh Im not good enough for him to want to do that. Try to think of it this way, whats good for the goose is good for the gander, would he be bothered if you looked at naked guys ?? Talk to him about it, then either watch it together, or get some movies for your own “tastes” or failing that, just ask him to be considerate and not watch them while your around.

If it offends you it’s not ok. To me it’s like cheating in the mind. Like phone sex. I wouldn’t tolerate it. It’s like how would he feel if you were having phone sex?

If he looks at porn he is more likely to cheat in real life. If you don’t believe me, I’ve researched it before. Look into it.

Also, you’re right. He will feel less satisfied with you. You’ll never look like those girls. And do you know why? Even they don’t look like that! They have been digitally enhanced.

I think you should have a calm chat with him about how you feel.

Cell wrote:
I think you should have a calm chat with him about how you feel.

this is true. let him tell you his feelings about this whole thing too and see if you can compromise.

Like all addictions, some are healthy. Some are not. If it’s effecting things in his life, then there might be a problem but I doubt it. I know lots of healthy people who like Porn.

Or just trash his computer! When my hubby was looking at porn I went through his history looked at everything he had viewed (yuck), chose the dirtiest one and set it to his computer background. Then I wrote all over his monitor in white out. (Swear words). Well that’s when we were first married and I was much less mature. But at least he stopped doing it so much and it was clear to him that I didn’t like it.

Anyway, what actually helped him was talking and praying with one of the pastors at our church.

Well at least you wouldn’t do it in front of me anymore.

Plus my first thought was to through it out our apartment window. Which I resisted.

Well it made his porn-viewing into an issue instead of a ‘personal choice’. Now he has gotten help for it.

Yeah well that was 10 years ago…I think I have matured a little since then. I hope.

OMG! Our world is getting so lost. I’m sorry for you woman, and I’m sorry for myself. I’m a porn addict, and that is probably the main reason I haven’t get married. I don’t know the answer, but just like you, I cry out for it.

Our world is getting so lost. I’m sorry for you woman, and I’m sorry for myself. I’m a porn addict, and that is probably the main reason I haven’t get married. I don’t know the answer, but just like you, I cry out for it.