Love help: Ok here’s a dilemma. - Help.com

hey there, in my experience the most sucessful relationships i have had, have been based on trust and honesty and the bad ones i have had have usually broken down due to lack of the above, i know how frustrating it is when you have a feeling there might be something going on but i can also tell you the checking up on her just increases that feeling and sometimes it can make things worse, if i could suggest anything it would be maybe sit her down and let her know your worried about her because she hasnt been herself lately and does she want to talk about it. Maybe there is something on her mind and its something completely different to what you think. Talking is a good starting point, you dont necessarily have to mention you were checking up on her unless it feels like the right thing to do, but whatever you do i would say stop reading her messages, if she found out it would probably make it worse…

hope that helps :)

You should definitely confront her. She’s already doing damage to the relationship by flirting/talking with the guy. There’s no reason to do that if she has all she wants and need from you. Its a form of cheating even though its not physical yet. My experience was similar, I was unhappy in my relationship with my exboyfriend of 4 years and I decided to open a myspace account. I met the most wonderful guy of my dreams, broke up with my boyfriend at the time and now I can’t be happier. We are engaged to be married next year. Its not fair but in life you gotta do what you gotta do to find your place.

Yeah that was my first action when I felt she wasn’t being her usual self. She just shrugged it off and said I was being oversensitive. She’s not one for opening up and if I do try to press her into a chat she just puts up the defences and it ends badly.

Think I’m resigned to the fact I can’t tell her I’ve read any messages. But if it does get to the point where she meets someone from the net then I need to have some plan as to how I should handle it. Can always do the “a friend saw you in town” I guess.

And believe me, I would never have looked in her messages under normal circs. In the past 10 years I have never had anything but 100% trust. It’s only the past few weeks things have gone strange.

i did do the check someones emails once a long time ago and it devastated me, not so much coz the guy involved was actually cheating but he was emailing with my best friend and things were never the same with the guy or my best friend even tho i did confront them both in different ways, they both had innocent answers but i couldnt shake the feeling anyway, lets just say both of those relationships are over now and it still upsets me when i think about it now years later, i wish i had never done it, coz it made me just as bad as them (if there ever was something going on) so i guess thats the lesson i learned there. I wish i knew wat else to suggest but maybe nena is right, its always good to know where you stand with someone, if its bad then at least you can deal with it and move on…

I’m not going to feed you BS, if she is exchanging numbers, acting funny and guys are wanting to met then chances are she is either planning on meeting someone or already has.

I speak from experience, I created an online account on another site looking for old school buddies and to see if my husband had a secret account on there, before I knew it I was chatting with a guy who sparked my interest because of his not so normal life style..last week I had an unplanned affair with this guy and now I have destroyed my husband and feel like scum of the earth.

Confront her, check on her do whatever it takes to answer your questions and hopefully you can stop it before it goes any further.

I’m not going to feed you BS, if she is exchanging numbers, acting funny and guys are wanting to met then chances are she is either planning on meeting someone or already has.

I speak from experience, I created an online account on another site looking for old school buddies and to see if my husband had a secret account on there, before I knew it I was chatting with a guy who sparked my interest because of his not so normal life style..last week I had an unplanned affair with this guy and now I have destroyed my husband and feel like scum of the earth.

Confront her, check on her do whatever it takes to answer your questions and hopefully you can stop it before it goes any further.