Family help: my husband will not grow up. - Help.com

you need to sit him down and ask him what hes doing and why he disapears.But believe me on this from a guy who doesnt learn his lessons,moving away wont solve the problem,it will follow you,so the same antics will be with you again but then you wont have your family to support you.

you don’t have to do a new post each time. just type in the reply box

Yeah, I was going to reply to your last post asking if he might be an addict, because the behaviors you are describing are VERY typical addict behaviors. I HIGHLY recommend (in fact - I’m begging you) that you go to ALANON. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ find meetings in your area and GO. Right away. PLEASE, for your daughter’s sake, its really critical. The people at alanon are really the only people who can help you right now. No one can give you advice about dealing with an addict except people who really understand addiction. You may not think he’s an addict, but you can get a better understanding of whats really going on if you go to ALANON. Please Please Please Please Please go, your daughter needs you to do this.

thanks for the reply info….obviously my first time on the site.i have told him repeatedly for 4 years. it is starting to get worse. he says he knows to an extent that what he is doing is wrong, but then he finds a way to justify his actions. i told him he needs to go to rehab and he says he will, but not because he has a problem. he will only go because i threatened divorce

The website may look like its just for friends/relatives of alcoholics, but its not. Alanon deals with all kinds of addiction, they can help any friend or relative of an addict of any drug or behavior (be it alcohol, cocaine, gambling, shopping, whatever)

Unfortunately, threatening divorce may not be enough to get him to go to rehab. Addiction is an extremely difficult disease to understand, people who don’t suffer from addiction could never imagine how a person could choose drugs over the people they love in their lives but it happens everyday. I’m begging you, please take advantage of the wonderful services alanon provides, the people there will help you understand what your husband is experiencing and they will be able to tell you what you need to do to protect yourself and your daughter from being hurt by his addiction anymore. When he sees you start to change from getting help from alanon, THEN he’ll understand that he needs to go to rehab. I’m telling you, they are your best bet for coming out of this in good shape. Please find a meeting!

unfortunately there is no justification to walk away for days on end.he has a problem and he needs to sort it out with ,or without your support.

I have to go now, but I’m going to check back later. I really hope when I check back that I see that you have decided to go to a meeting. You might even be able to find a meeting today and get started on your recovery from being married to an addict right away!

thanks for the website. i will definetly look into it. I know that he needs help, and i am glad he has agreed to get some. i am afraid that if he only does it because i asked him to, it isnt going to make a difference. Until there is some sort of moral epiphany on his part, do you guys have any suggestions on how to deal with the lying and stealing. I get so angry and it only makes it worse. he lost his job, so we lost our house. Now I work 2 jobs and we don’t even live together. i am stuck with all the bills and responsibility. when he disappeared last week, $3200 disappeared with him. Now that he is home he says that he was at a red light and someone robbed him. I don’t know how to differenciate the lies from the truth anymore and that makes me even more angry.

I promise you, the people at alanon will be able to help you deal with these issues. You are not the first person to experience this… the people using help.com may not know what to do to get an addict to stop stealing from you, but the people at alanon do.

How is it going? Did you go to alanon and get a sponsor and start working the steps?