Love help: Heartache or more heartache.. - Help.com

Ouch this is a difficult one. Not really sure. How old are you? How long have you and your (current) ex been dating?…

Maybe you both have strong feelings for each other, argue like crazy then fall out?… I don’t know until you explain a bit more. I think in a relationship it’s important to LISTEN to each other and realise what you BOTH want and then COMPROMISE. Also trust is an important factor. I’d say trust, honour and communication are three very important issues. If you really do love him maybe it’s worth working on it. However maybe give yourself a break for now.. figure out what you want for yourself then, when you’re ready talk to him and see what you can both work out.

We’re 17. Seniors in high school. We’ve been on and off since freshman year, believe or not. We’re really close, but then fight like crazy and break-up. But then get back together a month or so later… It’s a freakish cycle. I’ve talked to him and he says he needs another chance, that he needs me, and I need him, but I feel like I might’ve been too lenient and that 7 is too many times…

ok I’m actually going to copy and paste what I said in another post, because it matches here:

there was this special guy that I met… we were so in love… and we had so much in common, but we also had our differences… we dumped each other several times (a lot more than 7)… we went through rough times… and you know, the funniest things is that the last time we dumped, both of us hated each other every single day, but thought about each other every single day too… but we both were to proud to admit it, and we did not want to call each other to know how the other was doing… but we met yet again, we talked, we gave a chance to our friendship, and we ended up married!!! lol… so now I am a happy married woman!!!

By the way, I’m 23… I don’t know… I’d say follow your heart. Like I said before in another post:

sometimes, people were never meant to be together, but sometimes they do… but something is for sure, if you look closely you’ll find that someone you are really looking for! good luck! ;)

Well you could tell him you need him but don’t need the heartache. You want him to promise work at it if you try too ..maybe? I don’t know what you fight about and I’ve no right to ask, but… I thought you were fighting like crazy from your initial post. You need to both be able to talk to each other and listen to what the other person wants. I’m not saying that’s easy… but I mean, if you both care for each other in the way that you say you do and your heart aches without him then.. give it a chance. However I don’t know the situation too well so I might disagree with that statement in other ways but yeah, if you can both agree to work things out without shouting.. then it could work out.

I know when you fight you can get scared, scared of getting hurt and it’s frustrating when the other person in question doesn’t give you the answer you want or it appears that they don’t listen but you both have to work on it. You are still quite young both of you and you have your whole lives ahead of you so, keep your friends and a life outside of each other and then you can spend time healthily together. Being just friends won’t work… feelings get in the way.. and having a break and going back to him repeatedly won’t work either… your heart and head gets tangled up in the mess and you don’t know where to turn. You need to decide whether to have a clean break or make a real go of things but he has to work at it too! Ok x

Guess what? It’s not LOVE.

People get together for lots of reasons. Self esteem is a huge part: you feel good because someone wants you. That’s not love.

Love is two people who make sacrifices for each other to help each other reach their goals.

If you’ve had 7 breakups, you’re simply not compatible. That doesn’t mean anything bad about either of you. It just means you are not in the same space on what counts for a good relationship right now. Why not do yourself a favour and join some social groups and get to know lots more people?

You’ll be doing HIM a favour, too.

Post a replyyes… I definitively agree with spangle… communication is the key to success!!! Please listen, and try to make him understand that he has to listen, but don’t force him to. And when you listen, try to put yourself in his shoes, even though you are in yours!!! And yes, you should definitively know in your herat that you are ready to try, feeling DO GET IN THE WAY OF FRIENDSHIP!!!! so, think about it… and if you are really in love, talk to him, and give the relationship a chance!!!

ok… 7 breakups does not necessarily mean you are not compatible… it could also mean that one of you, or the two of you are not mature enough to handle it…

linuxya love is C-O-M-P-L-I-C-A-T-E-D … and it grows over time. This girl says she is sure of her feelings. I was in love with a guy when I was a young teenager… I knew my feelings then and I know them now. The path to happiness is not always smooth .. my parents still argue like crazy for one reason or another but.. they have been happily married for over 30 years!!! Arguments don’t always been people don’t love each other and / or they are needy.

I agree though it’s important to keep your social life with your friends and to agree to spend a healthy amount of time together but when one person wants to see another too much or disagrees with something the other has said, it is difficult to find a resolution sometimes.

I completely agree with you Spangle!

Well I’m from England and have work early tomorrow so I’m signing off as nearly midnight here!! To the Anon poster … hope you find a solution! x

Hey, thanks guys. I guess I just don’t really know what I want from him right now. We just had this HUGE discussion and I’m gonna talk to him face-to-face tomorrow in school, so I can let you know what happens then, if you want. But thanks for the advice. Truely.

No probs, hope that you get to work it out with him.

Spangle :-)

Well, today we went to talk privately during school. It was kind of awkward, but it was good to spend some time alone with him. In the end we hugged… For, like, 10 minutes. I guess neither of us could let go, and then he kissed me! I didn’t want the kiss; I feel like I’m betraying my crush. Plus I’m not ready to start up again with him. I just don’t feel like now’s a good time for us….?!?!?!

Betraying your crush??! No kiss?!! I’m lost… can you please explain.

Well, I’ve totally been crushing on this kid, actually totally fallen in love with this kid, who’s actually one of my ex’s best friends. So now it’s even more complicated.

It sounds like you are really confused. Cos first you say you love your ex (your initial post above) then you state you love your ex’s best friend. I think you actually need to take time out and decide what you want. However judging by what you have told me recently you don’t appear to want your ex. I mean you say you didn’t want to kiss him, yet he did nothing - this is not a good sign and I doubt you are in love. I think if you choose the best friend over your ex you have to bear in mind that your ex will be very hurt and probably won’t speak to you. His ego won’t feel too good either. Also his best friend could just be wanting a girl he hasn’t yet caught, if you catch my drift. Don’t rush into anything. Tell your ex you still need a bit of time but be prepared for him to break friends with both you and his best friend because you have ran off with his best friend. Maybe he won’t but I’m thinking worst case scenario here. I think though that maybe you don’t really want your ex and so you should set him free and have a serious think about whether you want to run off with his best mate (at the moment) or not?…

I couldn’t be more sure that I’m totally in love with his bff. And you’re right. I told my ex to give me about 5 days alone, just to give me space to think and reflect. I read your post about 3 times and you’re so right. I guess I don’t really want my ex at all. I think I just want to express my romantic side so much that I’m clinging on to him because, psychologically, I know he will respond positively. But now I’m sure of what I want. The problem now in turn lies in the conflict of the best friend. He acts so positive around me alone, but once my ex is with us it gets a little less personal. And that points back to the whole worst case scenario thing.

Well not sure what to suggest. Your feelings are your own but I would say don’t leave your ex hanging on if you don’t want him. It’s unfair. Hope everything pans out ok in the end. Good luck.