Person help: How do I forgive when I am so full of anger and hurt. - Help.com

You should watch “The Secret”

Give it time. Youll go over whatever your situation is over and over in your head, youll think up new thoughts, youll come to terms with the situation. Theres no secret to forgiving, you just have to come to terms with it and continue living.

Sometimes forgiveness takes time…And sometimes you don’t need to at all.

Some wiser people then me once told me that you have to forgive yourself first in order to truly forgive another. Think about any issues you might be having with the person in question, and whether or not you some how feel responsible or guilty

Start thinking about positive things and try to get you life going with important things which bring you forward. The fact that thinking about this is just waist of time and keeping you from moving on should make you much more angry that you are about the person. So STOP it and keep your self and your mind busy with things which matter to you.

Anonymous wrote:
Some wiser people then me once told me that you have to forgive yourself first in order to truly forgive another. Think about any issues you might be having with the person in question, and whether or not you some how feel responsible or guilty

That’s sometimes true. But not always the case.

when they did what ever it is they were doing the had a reason either a good one or a bad one. and they felt something that made them do it. but in fact there is no solution you need to find it in your heart to let go of what ever they did and be happy with your life. your the most importnt person in your life. and if your living with anger your not going to keep moving foward your actually staying in the same place as you were when they did that to you. move foward and forget the past.

I think it depends on who did this to you, what he/she did, what type of person you are and the view you have on what forgiveness is.

Time helps though.

I’m dealing with this problem myself, in a way.

I also agree with Joey. Sometimes it depends on how badly the other person hurt you and your relationship with them. I think being able to forgive someone takes a lot of strength. You have to accept the fact you may never know why they did the things they did, be patient and be open.

Hopefully these can help a bit;

http://stress.about.com/od/relationsh…

http://marriage.about.com/cs/forgiven…

http://www.amazon.com/Heal-Hurt-Forgi…

Sometimes to forgive, you need to clear the air. Call the subject of your anger and tell them exactly what you think of them. Don’t hold anything back. Rant, rave, curse, call them every name in the book. After that you’ll be able to move on and put everything behind you. It takes courage to do this but it’s worth it.

If you don’t mind me asking, who hurt you?

(Don’t feel obligated to reply if it makes you feel uncomfortable)

You can think this is the last chance you gave the person if it is happen again, forget it.

I’m in the exact same situation as you are, trying to forgive someone else for what they did, not for them, but so that I stop feeling like hell all the time. I don’t really know exactly what to say, but there are a few things that I have done that have helped me in the past and are kind of helping me now, too.

1. Don’t keep everything inside…express it, in whatever way works best for you…write it out, talk out loud to yourself about it when you are alone, talk to a friend, cry it out, express it in a physical way (obviously w/o hurting anyone else). When you keep it in, it only eats away at you, and if you don’t deal with it, it WILL start to affect things in your life that you never dreamed it would.

2. Look at the bigger picture. When you focus on the small parts of what happened, your mind gets caught in a seemingly never-ending cycle. You try to think about what happened because you want to forget it, but then you start feeling horrible and remembering everything bad. Take a step back and think about what good has come out of the situation. Some positive way you have changed, some way this event made you a stronger person, some event that happened afterward that would not have happened unless this had.

3. However hard it may be, sometimes the only way to REALLY let go of something is to completely immerse yourself in the memories of the event. Don’t just close yourself up when you start to think about things, but imagine that you are in the safest place in the world & that nothing that happens there can hurt you. When you start to think about it, remember how it felt when it happened, remember how it felt afterward, remember how it felt before. Really let yourself experience the event again, and when you are done, you will feel free and you will be one step closer to forgiveness.

4. Sometimes it seems like the more you want something the harder it is to get it. Especially with something like forgiveness. I know how it feels to want it more than anything and yet to have it feel like it’s so far away and that there’s absolutely nothing I can do. I don’t really know what to say about this because It’s what I’m going through right now, and I don’t know how it will turn out. I only know it will get better at some point, don’t know when, don’t know how, but it will.

5. A while ago when I first started trying to forgive & let go I tried to find help. I tried to read books, read articles, used google many times. Everyone always talked about “letting go” “letting go is the key” “you need to let go” but what frustrated me SO much is that they never told you HOW to let go. I couldn’t find one good website that really explained it. It’s almost like people knew WHAT they had to do, but no one had ever actually done it. And after I found out what letting go entailed, I realized why people wouldn’t want to. Because if it’s something that’s really affected your life, it’s not easy, not easy at all. But it’s worth it, because when you let go, you are pretty much saying “This happened, I don’t know why it happened to ME, I may never know, but I accept it, I am willing to learn from it, I am not willing to let it affect my life in such a negative way, and when I start to feel negatively about this, I am going to stop and remember how I let it go, and think about something else. This event is just one thing out of millions that have happened to me, it’s important to me, and even though no one else seems to understand, I will not let that hold me back from letting go and moving on.”

6. You can only forgive when you are really ready to and you really want to. That might seem like a strange comment, but it’s true. If you don’t really want to let go of the pain/hurt/resentment/bitterness/anger and all the other bad feelings, you won’t really be able to forgive. If you want to forgive, but you aren’t ready to stop resenting the person for what they did, or God for letting it happen to you, you won’t be able to really forgive. Let’s say you are wanting to forgive someone that you are incredibly angry with, you can’t forgive them AND still be angry with them, it’s impossible. When you are really ready to let go of all the anger you have, that’s when you will be able to forgive.

7. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you are forgetting what happened or agreeing with what happened. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive someone without excusing the act.

I have been hurt by a lot of people in my life. Every “important” person who has been a part of my life has hurt me in some way. And it’s taken me a long time to realize why I do certain things & why I am so full of anger & bitterness. I still have a lot of forgiveness to give, some of the worst lies ahead, but I know 2 things.
One: that I CAN forgive, no matter how hard it may seem, it is possible
Two: when I do forgive, it’s one of the absolute best feelings in the world and afterward I feel so much freer

you’re welcome.