Depressed Wife-At the end of my rope.
Hi all, this is my first post here as I feel very lost and confused. Here’s my story:
I’ve been married for 11 years and I have three beautiful boys aged 11,6,and 4. I’m 37 and my wife is 30. My wife had a very troubled childhood growing up. She was abandoned by her Mom, and her Dad abused her, so she was put into foster care at the age of three. She grew up in various foster homes not knowing her real parents. She also suffered emotional and physical abuse in different foster homes. She has seen therapists in her teen age years but not as an adult, and refuses to see them now.
I knew my wife had these deep issues when we got married, but she seemed happy and in love with me and I was in love with her. I did not know the extent of her depression though. In the last five years things have progressively gotten worse. The last two years my wife had become much more verbally abusive towards me and much less affectionate. She always had problems with affection but this was much more withdrawn. She didn’t feel like doing anything and started saying she didn’t feel any emotions about anything at all. She started sleeping until 12:pm and wasn’t motivated to do anything.
I took over the morning chores for our children; breakfast, making their lunches for school, doing dishes ect. I understood from research that my wife was suffering from depression. I tried to be as supportive as possible and I guess I became an enabler by all the work I was doing at home. She refuesd therapy, along with marriage counseling so I left about a year ago.
I stayed out of the house for about three months when she said she would seek help and we could try to reconsile. things were initially better but she didn’t go for any help and things went back to the way they were after 4 months. I left again for another three months, but the pain of not being with my children and the love I have for my wife brought me back yet again.
While I was out of the house I met a beautiful, caring and affectionate woman who wanted to be with me and is still understanding about the situation. (My wife was seeing others herself during this period). I’m back at the house and after only 1 month my wife is back to her derpressive state. She won’t open up to me and has no interest in being affectionate. The only time she opens up about her emotions are when she’s drinking, then she tells me she loves me and she also tells me new stories about the abuse she had as a child. I know she needs some serious help from her childhood but she still refuses to seek any. It leaves me feeling helpless and very lonely. I know if I leave it will be for the last time, I really want to save my marriage though and I was wondering if anyone has any good advise??????
Since writing this post almostdone may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. almostdone is a verified member, has been around for 5 years, 2 months and has 1 posts and 2 replies to their name.
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