I can’t do it anymore it hurts to much to pretend…
My dad has been hurting me for the past 6 years at first it was neglecting me then it was the yelling then the goofing around (punching, hitting, etc.) Then it was the Major hitting and the picking me up by the throat, then came the Verbal abuse… Then it was the i can change if you change… and know it’s past all that it’s the verbal abuse and the goofing off but to me the goofing isn’t goofing it’s just the time he spent not able to hit…The hitting i can defend myself but the verbal is hard it gets to me i can’t block it i feel like **** i feel like i am garbage… all he does is make fun of me or dis me somehow so it doesn’t sound like he’s dissing me but he is i know him way better then anyone. i know his patterns and this is becoming one of them… Sometimes i just want to take a knife and Stab him to death so my sadness would be over but i don’t want to go to jail so i can’t really do that…I’m scared to go to school what if they see me for the scared tired Coward i am…x’(. I’ve tried so hard to be what he wants and know my life has taken enough of this abuse from him and my mom can’t do anything she’s afraid of what he might do to me… He won’t touch her or my sister I’m the punching bag…We have asked for help but they can’t do anything and i have had it all my energy is gone I’m always depressed
and sad and angry i forgot what happiness feels like and i have cut myself… Just to take the pain away but every time i see the scare i relive the feeling i had when i was cutting myself and who i was hurting and i was reliving what made me do this… So i don’t know if i should just let him kill me slowly with his words and let the hitting get worst like it used to be… i just don’t know anymore I’m confused and tired and scared of my own father… I always want to cry… :( please help me
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tapia_ricard edited this post 3 months, 1 week ago. Read the previous text »
I can’t do it anymore it hurts to much to pretend…
My dad has been hurting me for the past 6 years at first it was neglecting me then it was the yelling then the goofing around (punching, hitting, etc.) Then it was the Major hitting and the picking me up by the throat, then came the Verbal abuse… Then it was the i can change if you change… and know it’s past all that it’s the verbal abuse and the goofing off but to me the goofing isn’t goofing it’s just the time he spent not able to hit…The hitting i can defend myself but the verbal is hard it gets to me i can’t block it i feel like **** i feel like i am garbage… all he does is make fun of me or dis me somehow so it doesn’t sound like he’s dissing me but he is i know him way better then anyone. i know his patterns and this is becoming one of them… Sometimes i just want to take a knife and Stab him to death so my sadness would be over but i don’t want to go to jail so i can’t really do that…I’m scared to go to school what if they see me for the scared tired Coward i am…x’(. I’ve tried so hard to be what he wants and know my life has taken enough of this abuse from him and my mom can’t do anything she’s afraid of what he might do to me… He won’t touch her or my sister I’m the punching bag…We have asked for help but they can’t do anything and i have had it all my energy is gone I’m always depressed
and sad and angry i forgot what happiness feels like and i have cut myself… Just to take the pain away but every time i see the scare i relive the feeling i had when i was cutting myself and who i was hurting and i was reliving what made me do this… So i don’t know if i should just let him kill me slowly with his words and let the hitting get worst like it used to be… i just don’t know anymore I’m confused and tired and scared of my own father… I always want to cry… :( please help me
tapia_ricard edited this post 3 months, 1 week ago. Read the previous text »
**** Life.
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