Mind help: Suggestions? - Help.com

Suggestions?

I need answers sort of…now. >_
Okay for my English Creative Writing piece one paragraph is currently-

As we grow older some memories fade, yet some stay as sharp and focused as ever. I am old now. My memories have faded, peeled away like the yellow paint on my walls. I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday. Or maybe I didn’t have breakfast at all. Some memories are branded into my mind as though a tattoo were needled. Even if that tattoo were removed, it would still leave a scar, like my memories have left a scar on who I am now.

My english teacher said that the line “as though a tattoo were needled” is odd.
And I have no idea on how to change it.
Ideas?

This open post was written 1 year, 1 month ago | V/U/S: 167, 11, 7 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post Wannabe. may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Wannabe. is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 2 months and has 64 posts and 333 replies to their name.

Post Tags (10)

English language, Breakfast, Yellow, Tattoo, Mind, memory, Teacher, writing, paint, IDEA (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (11)

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anothernikki offline Verified User (2 years, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (4 minutes after post)

It makes perfect sense to me. Hmmm. Maybe simply make it “as though it were tattoed” ?

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Help me with: Hey all
Zenn offline Verified User (1 year, 6 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (5 minutes after post)

I say keep it, when you write you are the director and what you say goes (not sure if that made any sense, but you get my meaning).

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Help me with: Quick metaphorical question.
Red_Sky offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (6 minutes after post)

…as though permanently tattooed to my subconsciousness?

That also sounds odd…if there were another word for “subconsciousness.” Which just doesn’t roll of the tongue nicely.

But you can keep what you have already, it does make sense.

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Help me with: -
Wannabe. offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (8 minutes after post)

Thanks for the replies. I might use “as though it were tattoed” because yes, subconciousness is a bit long XD I thought it made sense but my teacher underlined it so I guess it didn’t.

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anothernikki offline Verified User (2 years, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (9 minutes after post)

Well poo on your teacher. lol, not literally though. Heh. Again, I thought it made sense.

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Help me with: Hey all
Victoria Sponge offline Verified User (2 years, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
Fritwell, K2, GB | 1 year, 1 month ago (11 minutes after post)

“like a needled on tattoo” Does that still not make any sense? or “like a tattoo that had been needled on”

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Help me with: Great words of advice
Anonymous #
1 year, 1 month ago (18 minutes after post)

nuttin wrong its good
the teacher doesnt understand ur feeling its good

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seas light offline Verified User (1 year, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (2 hours, 11 minutes after post)

branded in my mind , the way a tatoo imprints ink into the skin.

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Barbyman offline Verified User (2 years, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (2 hours, 38 minutes after post)

Tell your Teacher he has to go back to School .Of course its sounds perfect and actually very thoughtful ..

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Time Traveller offline Verified User (1 year, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (4 hours, 3 minutes after post)

inked instead of needled?

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seah1 offline Verified User (1 year, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (2 days, 19 hours after post)

Will that help?

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