Love help: Hello please can someone advise me . - Help.com

Hello, your communication could have broken down for any number of reasons allowing resentment to creep in and hard feelings to hamper those feelings of love. Things get stale at times during long term commitments, it takes a lot of work as I’m sure you well know. There are ways to get that “spark” back, try dating eachother again, go out and take the time to look into eachother’s eyes again..

You can always try counseling to see if some of these things can be talked about. You may just need to be romanced a little. Depends on where you are in your thoughts and feelings, are you interested in working things out? Is he?

have you tried counseling? and then you can both find out what is going wrong and try a fix this.
counseling does work for alot married couple i should know my parents did it foe 6 months and they have never been better so give it a go!

The way I feel I really dont think I can love him again I dont even fancy him , I have just fallen out of love and feel its time to move on but to where I dont know . My husband would not agree to going to relate as a few years ago I tried to get him there he hes never been one to talk about our problems.
The thing is that if I dont do some thing I am going to go mad. Thanks for your replys

There are times when counseling isn’t an option. I can tell you from experience that it isn’t easy at all to leave a marriage. It takes years for you both to adjust and your children to adjust, no matter how old they are, seems the younger they are the better, actually. Tell him you want to leave, see then if he will go for counseling. It may be what it takes to have him make an effort. It’s no fun in a loveless marriage. I understand totally how you feel. What has happened all these years that you have fallen out of love with him? There are reasons deep down, do you know what led to this? Was it a lack of communication?

He did have an affair 8 years ago and has been faithfull since then so I guess that was when I started to feel this way but I kept it together for the childrens sake. We have nothing in common at all.

Ok, that explains a lot. Well you have a lot to think about. Sometimes keeping it together for the kids is not all it’s cracked up to be. I can see how you would resent him being unfaithful, do you think you will ever forgive and forget?

get a different job, your children are old enough to understand. Then leave him

move on your ovousily very unhappy whats the pint in staying in a love less marriage just for your kids..they r old enough to understand you need to think about you and your happiness go for it

well there is no piont staying in a relationship that is not working?

Be STRONG & follow your heart!! The kids see more than we think they do & I feel they are old enough to realize Mom’s just not happy anymore. I commend you for giving your heart & soul to your family!! That’s not always easy to do……But if you truly don’t love your husband anymore, don’t you think your deprieving both you & him from a healthy, loving relationship. I can’t tell you what to do, But I will be here to help you in whatever choice you make!! I feel you have suffered long enough & life is to short to be so unhappy & I also feel your children will understand in the long run……. No-one said it would be easy…… But could it possiablly be any harder than what your going through now? Only YOU sweetie can answer that!!! (((BIGHUGS)))

Start a game plan if you really want out. You have to know all your options before you do anything. Also, you had mentioned that you don’t want to leave your children, so Don’t…. Take them with you. He will have to pay child support which will help financially. Get advice with a free consultation from a attorney, before you do anything. Just be sure your honest with yourself, and know that you really tried evrything to make your marriage work. This way you can walk away knowing you gave it your all. Good luck to you :)

I have a different approach to offer - please give it some thought…

Do you actually dislike your husband as a person OR are you simply not attracted to him and do not feel married-love for him? The reason I ask this is because it sounds like you and your family are actually doing fine. Your kids are being raised in a loving home, you and your husband are able to create nice lives for yourselves and each of you are safe. If your husband has already accepted that you two sleep separately and if he is not pressuring you for much more than would it be possible for you two to choose to raise your children until they are on their own? Just because there is not an intimate facet to the relationship does not mean there is no relationship.

If the children understand that you two are friends, that you all care about each other, what greater lesson could you teach them? You would give an example of responsibilty, compassion, and the ability to adapt. Very cool life-lessons if you ask me.

This is a matter far beyond just you or just you and your husband. There is no need to split up the family unless you are deeply unhappy. Choosing an alternate path from what everyone else does takes courage. Walking out on a marriage that hasn’t gone exactly as you planned doesn’t take as much courage.

Just some thoughts…
p.s. if he is a decent, responsible man - regardless if you are in love with him or not - you are fortunate to have him in your life. Find the good where you can.

I AM SO SORRY, Anon, I missed one of your responses… obviously I missed the one where he had been unfaithful. Ugh - that is one ‘mistake’ that would be very hard to completely overcome. Trust is, without compare, crucial. If that had happened in my marriage my heart would have died, too.

I still stand by my previous post about considering alternatives to divorce for the present. Divorce WILL cause a hardship on your children. But creating a new way to be a new kind of family is really possible and could buy you time to let the kids grow up and gain independence AND at the same time you could be moving towards your new future.

I am sorry for your heartbreak. Infidelity leaves such a scar, one that never can be erased. Forgiven, maybe/possibly but forgotten… now that’s a different matter. You have my admiration for making it this far, dear woman.

ok,have you actually spoken to your hubby about how you truly feel inside?
plenty of couples stay together for the sake of the children,looks like thats what youve done!
have you ever had an affair yourself?
when did you truly fall our of love?