Beauty help: what do you think of this poem i wrote for my girlfriend? - Help.com



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what do you think of this poem i wrote for my girlfriend?

The sweet smell of the far away Costa Rican ocean exasperates through your rich black hair
Your tan smooth silky skin slides across mine in pure ecstasy,
With your soft, gentle touch that sends shivers down my back.
Your luscious foreign kiss like no other I have felt,
Like Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty, your appearance astounds

This open post was written 1 year, 1 month ago | V/U/S: 336, 13, 8 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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poetry, Costa Rica, Aphrodite, Hair, kiss, Skin, Goddess, ocean, Gentleman, Beauty (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (13)

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Monomi offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (2 minutes after post)

I like everything except the word “exaperates”. That sounds weird.

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 131 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (6 minutes after post)

It’s nice. But, how about changing the words exasperates to “reflects” or “resonates”? or “comes to life” through your rich black hair?

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amundrongsta offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (9 minutes after post)

ok sounds good i think ill use resonates

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kmichelle offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (11 minutes after post)

maybe shorten the first line to the length of the other 4? that would help the flow i think. =)

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 131 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (13 minutes after post)

She’s got to be one special girl for you to be writing poems for her. Good luck!

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Ashlo offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (14 minutes after post)

*Snap snap snap snap snap* Might want to work on rhythem though.

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iwana offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (16 minutes after post)

Wow - she’s really a lucky girl for you to put this much into something special for her. My only suggestion would be to substitute “beauty” for “appearance” in the last line.

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iwana offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (18 minutes after post)

Never mind - then you have beauty in there twice in the last line. Let me check a thesaurus. . .

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Help me with: Got my hourglass!
kmichelle offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (18 minutes after post)

or even the word “likeness”, because its saying she’s beautiful like Aphrodite.

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Help me with: I need a title for this poem for English class.
iwana offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (20 minutes after post)

Or maybe allure? Or just say, “Like Aphrodite, the godess, your beauty astounds.” Anyway, I’ll say it again - lucky girl!!

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Help me with: Got my hourglass!
amundrongsta offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (21 minutes after post)

no im the luckiest guy

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kmichelle offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (21 minutes after post)

i like that line! good one, iwana. =)

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Help me with: I need a title for this poem for English class.
reardensteel22 offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (1 day, 4 hours after post)

Incredibly trite.

Plus there is no Costa Rican Ocean. I recommend “The smell of the far away Dead Sea…”
Yeah…that’s sexy.

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