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That is quite good. Quite good indeed.

Actually, I dont like poetry but this poem is nice. I liked it… Keep It Up!!

“and in its muted song is twice the volume” I think is too complex and too long here.

“I in my cold circling” this would sound better if re-phrased I think.

“am a lost bird
a morning dove in evening greys;
always between
one song and the next.
the fermata on the rest.
i am
neither black nor white
neither sweet nor soured
a little nothing swept along,
as the night
in glorious symphony
rushes toward the dawn cascade.
and i shall find no rest.”

Can’t fault this, its excellent.

Really really good poem, I’m not critisizing to be mean but if I could help I wanted to :)

“and in its muted song is twice the volume”

Maybe delete the “and in” would make it better?

I think it’s alright. I didn’t really catch the point or understood many words, but it still is pretty good.

I really enjoyed “the fermata on the rest”. Anyone who’s been in a symphonic band or orchestra knows the indefinable spaces can be just as hair-raising as the resounding crescendo’s. I thought your similes and imagery were fresh and original.
Sincerely,
-SilenceIsPain

i didn’t catch the point myself. I like the ending so you might want to put the point somewhere in the middle

logout wrote:
“and in its muted song is twice the volume” I think is too complex and too long here.

“I in my cold circling” this would sound better if re-phrased I think.

And I humbly Disagree.

“And in it’s muted song is twice the volume”

To me thats the whole poem right there. It sets up the tone, the mood, and what’s to come. It tells you what the poem is about before you even read it. It’s like seeing a rollercoaster before you get on and knowing that because you can see it has three loops it’s going to be a hell of a ride.

“I in my cold circling”

I see that as massive imagery. It lets the imagination ring out, When I read that, I picture a lonely person wandering in circles in the room, thinking of anything, From lost love to anger generated from family. Then to follow up with the next line

“am a lost bird”

Just adds more to the image.

And I have to admit ;

“a morning dove in evening greys;
always between
one song and the next.
the fermata on the rest.”

Is amazing.

It’s a very good short poem. I enjoyed it.

=)

Thats wonderful.(:

i really like your poem - got any others you’d like to share?