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hi I found this website useful before to get a question answered I hope someone can help…
I have been dating a wonderful man for 2.5 years. but I’m in my mid 20’s and he is in his late 20’s. it’s coming to that time for me to have some sort of serious commitment…here’s the problem….
two years ago, I was offered a position back home, home is like 600km away, where I would be back with my family, secure and comfortable and happy. I actually am not happy where I stay at the moment. I wanted to be with this guy so badly I passed up the opportunity and stayed here away from home, for him so that we could have a serious relationship…he promised to help take care of me with regards to my well being. Since then nothing has changed. Yes, he has grown more wonderful, but I am still stuck in the same place since that promise.
He has financial problems since we started dating, but how much money a guy makes is not important to me, so that did not put me off, I stayed with him through the last two years and we struggled together. He is the man of his house, he has his mom and sister to take care of. His sister works so she’s fine, but he still carries the bulk of responsibility, so he cannot move out and leave them alone, and his sister cannot afford to handle everything herself. I have been patient from my end I think, waiting for him…his mother dislikes me quite badly, I have NEVER met her in our entire relationship…
Now, he recently has started to sort everything out, and everything looks like it’s coming up roses for him. All he talks about is the plans he has for his mum and sister…moving them out and getting them more financially secure…
I feel so sidelined and neglected…
And I realize that in our relationship, I was always priority number 2. I never minded cos his mum and sister are his family…but I wonder when it will be my turn to be 1st. I hate this, because I feel so selfish. But the guy never speaks of future plans for myself and him…nothing ever really includes me, I have no engagement ring on my finger, even just as a sign of a commitment, we don’t seem to have any plans at all that’s just about him and me. It’s always his mother and sister…while I have made him my 1st priority, he has met my family, that’s a sign of seriousness, staying here for him, I am only here for him. I am living in a bad situation, I have a better lifestyle back home, I feel like all I am doing with him is waiting…he made this promise to look after me, he broke it…and it broke my heart because I am so unhappy now….I don’t even know what I’m doing here anymore with him. Our relationship has become stagnant. Before it never really bugged me, but now that he has some opportunity for his life to turn around for the better, I am more depressed about it that usual. My life is on hold, for his family, his mother that doesn’t like me, (I suppose that’s also another reason I can’t help but question commitment, even if the woman can’t stand me, it’s a sign of how serious he is, if he just let me met her once as his girlfriend) we once spoke about moving in together, I got really excited about this, went hunting for a place for us and everything, I was so thrilled, I cannot quite afford a place by myself and I felt so over the moon happy that maybe things would be fine, then their neighbor across the road was killed in a mugging, and he told me he couldn’t move because he didn’t want to leave his mum and sister alone, it isn’t safe…what about me? Where I stay we had two attempts at breaks ins in a space of 6 months, what about me? In my aunts home where I am staying, things fall apart, there sometimes no hot water, there are kids around all the time that scream and cry. I sometimes get home from work and just want to get something to eat, I buy the groceries, but they never stay around for too long. I go to bed hungry, because I get home so late most nights, or have take out, which I am beginning to despise because I have been told I could have diabetes from my unhealthy lifestyle at present… I sometimes sit in my room at night and cry my eyes out and I’m so disappointed in my boyfriend and the promises he never kept…while he is just sticking around sorting his mom and sister out, when will it finally be my turn? I’m not going to wait around for him anymore and want to be more independent, but I feel the only way I can totally take back my life is to end it with him first. What should I do? I have spoken to him about this before, I don’t want to nag anymore…I think I deserve a bit more. I’m sorry for sounding selfish or whiny…thank you anyone for reading this and your responses would really be appreciated and helpful…he never speaks to me about “us” or what “we” are going to do….it’s always them…I love him so much for being so responsible, but its ruining my life….I cry so much recently. He has no idea how this is hurting me…I can’t talk to him to make him want to do things with me or commit. It’s so selfish of me. How do I stop feeling this way??
And now that things are finally turning out good, and changing for the better why am I so depressed about it, why is it now affecting me so badly??? i feel like i am being so hateful, i am beginning to despise this situation, and in turn despise him because he wants me around so badly back then when i could have left, now two years down the line…I’m still standing on the sidelines…waiting…and spending my nights crying to myself quietly in my room because i don’t know anymore what to do, i love this guy so much, but i really am exhausted, I have no more patience and energy to wait…
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