Love help: So it’s been a while… - Help.com

You are a well spoken woman—you’re obviously intelligent. I know you can see the progression of violence.

It’s really easy to fall for the apologies and excuses but isn’t staying better.
You fear going back to him—you’re suffering…have you considered going to therapy. This sort of violence over a prolonged period of time can cause the emotions you are expressing. Build a support group, change your phone number, refuse calls or mail from him. Is there any way you can move to be away from him?

It’s scary, heartbreaking and confusing—but you can make it through this.

Ok wow this all harsh stuff. I totally can understand that you love how he is when hes not violent but…that doent make it ok or a viable option. If we cant convince you, for your own safety I say you go get help with a physciatrist and also you should get a restraining order immediately. Its for your own good, just take tehse painful steps… bear it and keep telling yourself this is whats best for you. REmember how it felt when he did those UNFORGIVABLE things to you.

This makes me really sad to hear, I hope things work out for you…. no woman deserves to be hit by their man…nothing angers me more honestly but that aside, the cycle wonts top… dont tell yourself he can change because he cant, this keeps repeatign adn its only gunna get worse… adn one time…hell go too far, and you know that deep down.

Saddens me a man who abuses a woman, saddens me even more the women who take that as “acceptable” behaviour.

How long since you met ’til this happened?
Whats the time range here?

Don’t fall into his BS, nor the BS your heart tries to convince your rational thinking with. You may have noticed that your “heart thinking” has been betraying you pretty much already in this relationship.

Quote:
“I know that it’s a bad idea, but I can’t help that I still love him.”

Thats similar to what a masochist would say.
Do you think your “love for him” will eventually fix him?
You are having self worth issues. Get away from the fire, cool down your emotions a bit, dont make excuses for him. There are none. Get your mind straight. Enough.

Quote:
“Who knows what’s going to happen next time (if I allow a next time)?”

By accepting him one of two things:
1.Relationship gets stronger (which I highly doubt) - He needs help, until the day comes that he accepts it and actually does something for himself to get better by his own will (without you involved) you’ll be just another victim.

2.You enter the seemingly never ending cycle, and it gets worse. Why? well…he assumes he can do whatever the F’ he wants because by “accepting him back” you give the impression of “accepting” his attitude. Therefore he will always think you are too weak to leave, and with a little manipulation you will never dump him.

Quote:
“if he can’t have me, no one can.”
Thats a threat, seriously.
2 words that I say to you, mark them:

1.STAY
2.AWAY

IMO,
The disrespect and violence in your relationship escalated.
From what I have seen it ever de-escalates. It gets worse, he will think of you as posession.
Wake up. Its over.
The limit has been crossed.
Go back to being who you were BEFORE you met this “charming” kid:
“So I was a very social and enthusiastic person… mad upbeat. I saw the good in most…”

In the end its up to you.
Im hoping your family is aware of this, dont commit the error of trying to solve this by yourself cause if you do…that would be a clear sign you too need help.

Dots, when I first joined this site with my plea for help.. you were there with commonsense and wisdom. You need to get back to being that strong person who knew right from wrong and where agression and violence could lead.

You told me then to seek help and support and to take active steps not to become a victim.

As Mas says… surround yourself with people who can help.

Ask yourself: Is it him you love or the idea of being loved and in love?

I think you’ll find that it’s not HIM you want but love.

Take care and be strong.
x

Sounds like a plan! Change your phone, email address, messanger—any way that this guy can try to contact you. It will make it so much easier for you, although a pain in the butt now.

I’m so pleased you’re taking control Dots. Keep this number to hand. They may be able to give you some advice on moving forward and can lend an listening ear when you need one.

http://www.ndvh.org/ 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Good luck. Keep in touch x

I read it, and I have not much to say which is not already said, especially by Mas and Silverwings.
Be strong on this, please!
I wish you good luck!

I’m so pleased to hear you have so many positive things to look forward to. I admire your courage. Everything will turn out just fine, you’ll see.

Big hugs x

Hello Dots,

I am so glad to hear this update now. Remember that you are not alone. Expect some down times after all these things that happened to you. But you will survive as your strength has shown much in the early stage of this sad event.

You have a wonderful family to lean on. God Bless them too. :)

And as for you, all the blessings you deserve to have.

You got our support :)

lilies

Thats awesome to hear, you made me smile Dots. Let him face the consequences of his actions.
Little by little you will become stronger than before and set an admirable example.

just dump him your going through a cycle everytime it is stable that is called the honeymoon phase then it goes around to the abuse then back to the honeymoon. he gets back to the honeymoon phase by you accepting his apollogies and forgiving him of what he done to you. I know that is diffucult to give up the one you love but you have to get him completely out of your life before its too late. The longer you stay in the cycle to harder it is to get out. just kick him out of your life. that is all I have to say about that.