Love help: This is a post on another website in 2006 ( I think help.com is much better) so i am posting my updated situation below……. - Help.com

if youve made it clear to her that you like her and she doesnt feel the same way then you are holding onto something that probably wont happen and its doing you no good. if you can still be friends and seperate the feelings then carry on but try not to see it in a romantic way. i say move on, give yourself a chance of happiness with someone who will love you back.

Hmm… I wonder if you need to try to re-interpret your feeling toward her.

She probably loves you just as much as you love her, from an emotional perspective. But, unfortunately (and I may be totally wrong about this, but) she may not feel the same physical attraction toward you as you do toward her.

I have a friend who I love, NOT necessarily *more* than anyone else, but rather, as I’ve come to realize, my love for her is unique. She cherishes the relationship that we have, but I’m simply not the right person for her - and therefore, she’s not the right person for me :-). As much as I’d like to believe that we were meant for each other, and that we’d be happy forever, it’s simply not true.

To this day, after 7 years of knowing her, I still wonder what I would do if she came to me and said that she wanted to be with me. But, I figured out how to move on and be happy.

This is what I meant by “re-interpret your feelings toward her”. You probably feel as though moving on would mean that you’d be lying to yourself and your new partner. But if you can figure out how to re-interpret your love as a unique feeling that you’ll always cherish, you’ll be able to honestly and truthfully fall in love with somebody else.

I’ll stop there, and ask, Is this making any sense? :-)

If she knew how you felt about her two years ago but STILL sought out a new boy friend to satisfy her needs, sorry to say this but you need to move on. You can still remain friends but as far as a meaningful, fulfilling relationship that makes you both happy? Ain’t gonna happen.

I’ll have to echo the advice. Time to move on. You are already starting to feel bad about this, it time that will fester into resentment… If you can’t do what Seggezza recommends (which is a great perspective) … If you cannot be her friend and KNOW that is all it will be then you need to even break off the friendship. I think you should take this coming weekend to lay your cards out on the table sincerely. Tell her how you feel… tell her what you want… and be prepared to walk away. Of course it will hurt… but I promise you, it will hurt less now, than in another two years.
~Richard

It is possible to love someone so much it hurts, and yet not be in a relationship with them, and be content with that.

That’s a tough question to answer Cailean, because love can hurt no matter what. But there are different kinds of love… I’ve been taught 3 kinds; Passionate, Intimate and Committed. We have intimate and committed love for our family members. Passionate love is where desire comes into play (which hopefully we don’t feel too much for family) In a relationship it is best if we can experience all three kinds of love. But I think what Seggezza was talking about was to take the love this person is feeling - which appears to be all three - and turn it to just Intimate love… or committed love - drop one or two of the others. Can you still be hurt by this of course. You can have a committed love for a best friend and they turn your back on you, or you can intimate love with a best friend, and they break your intimate confidence. It’s not easy, but thousands of people… maybe millions have broken up or have gotten divorced, and have somehow been able to remain friends. It’s simply how they “reason” out their feelings. That is after all the human edge over the animals… “reason”.
~Richard

Thank you to everyone who posted answers. You all make sense, but i still do not know what i ultimately will do with my feelings towards her…..