Love help: is it wrong to get married if you have doubts about whether you love your partner? - Help.com

i asked him the question and he said ” i shud go if im not sur,as its not good to entr into a marriage if im not sure or ready”

i feel terrible

a_bandoned wrote:
sounds like you need to find yourself before trying to find someone else.

i think exactly the same but i dont have the courage to leave. i dont love myself ,i have to be honest with myself, adn i dont think i love him either.thank you for that reply

i feel lost, i know he loves me and i feel if i break up with him ,i will be saving an awful lot of tears and heartbreak later on.

AmandaLynn wrote:
Well…. why DO you want to marry him?

coz i dont want to be alone,coz im insecure,coz i dont have the strength to say no to him,coz he can outgun me mentally.i feel weak and depressed.

souxchef300 wrote:
It can be really hard to learn to love and respect yourself. It’s something I struggle with everyday. You have to try to address those nagative emotions and tell yourself that you don’t have to feel that way. I would not advise going through with it, and it hurts him and you, but why would anyone want to be in a relationship with the absense of love? Isn’t that what a relationship is about? Love and support and respect? Learn to respect yourself first and you will find someone who loves you that you can love in return.

i just dont love myself (fullstop)

i have planned to walk out on him twice and twice i buckled. he knows im not happy and he can read me like a book.and b4 anyone says that to walk out on him is cowardly,we live iwth his parents and staying here if we break up wouldnt be much fun….at all.

SoulRising wrote:
For me it would be wrong, for in love I want the whole enchilada:)bam! Bam! BAM:)!

it would be wrong to walk out or to get married?

AmandaLynn wrote:
Not wanting to be alone, trying to find a person to make you feel secure or find security with, not having the strength or determination to say no, feeling weaker mentally, and feeling depressed are NOT reasons to marry someone dear. You will have a heck of a marriage if you do.

I agree with the other poster on here - you need to find emotional and mental health with yourself first before you can find someone that you can have a healthy relationship with. Or you’lll just continue this pattern and have more things to support the way you think about yourself. the relationship will fail or hell be unhappy trying to sustain you constantly and you’ll just use it to further support that your just screwed up and mess up everything you touch.

this is a mess i feel ive created. what in gods name am i going to do? i feel cornered. i dont sleep well at nite coz of the guilt. i fee depressed during the day.i overeat.all these things are occuring to me mentally and physicaly and i still dont have the nerve to actually do something about it.i am not depressed but i can see it coming..

a_bandoned wrote:
you need to do what will make you healthy and happy.

i know this,i truly do but i just kind of morph to what everyone around me wants .im not explaining that very well.i meant i look out for everyones interests but mine,make sure they are achieving their goals and dreams.and always end up feeling unfulfilled.im making his dreams come true now at my expense.

last week i retarred his dads driveway .and i know i did this coz i want everyone to like me.and i just feel like rubbish at the end of it all.

a_bandoned wrote:
i know what you mean. i used to do the same thing….but you are all you truly 100% have in this world. you know what you should do doll.

so if u used to do the same thing,how did u break the cycle?

i could work for coca cola im so good at bottlin.

a_bandoned wrote:
i dunno….it was like one day i was sick of how i was always trying to make others happy. it made me feel empty and miserable. i started doing things i wanted to do. outlets are a necessity. do you get your emotions out or bottle them inside?

i just want to say to him “im sorry but i dont lvoe you and its over” .just something so simple and i dont think i can.

i feel so bad that i think if i hurt myself physically , that would show him how i feel inside.i know that sounds stupid but its how i feel.

a_bandoned wrote:
maybe just talk to him about how you’re feeling and that you need some space to get things straightened out?

we have talked and he knows i have doubts and since he kan read me like a book he passes comments like ” give me ur passport so u cant leave” .

he knows what im thinking,but i just can /dont act. theres an insecurity in me that knows that this is headed for disaster but the alternative is lonliness and maybe never finding anyone else again.

a_bandoned wrote:
can you go to a therapist? self harm is def not the answer. where do you live? and where are you from?

i have considered therapy but im not gonna go coz i know what is the right thing to do .its just doing it.as for your second question,this is the tricky part ,im from western europe and met this guy b4 i migrated to australia. he came to australia and stayed with me.

form the first night there he threw a tantrum coz i wouldnt consider moving to his country (canada) .so eventually i caved and move over with him and am now living with his parents in canada where i know noone (except thru him)

so leaving just isnt easy as i know nobody.

and the worst part of it is ,becos i emigrated t oz and im not a citizen (which was a dream for me) my visa which i have to live there runs our next year and its on my mind big time.

so to clarify,i live in canada,have a visa for oz (which is where id love to love ) and i moved here for him .

i get so angry with myself when i see all the opportunities to have said no to him and ended this adn not ahve this situation.

isnt this a messed up scenario??

a_bandoned wrote:
i understand where you’re coming from. i feel you had some kind of hope that these insecure feelings would go away, but they are only building up. maybe you could go out places and try to make friends? or how about home home? is your fam in europe?

form ireland.but ive wanted to love so long in oz,and i had it,and then i gave it all up to help some1 else achieve their dream.i know why i feel so angry at times

SoulRising wrote:
Wow you have all the questions and all the answers and you are your own best enemy. I honestly don’t know how to refer you without it being to yourself?

can you explain that pls? it helps to get an outside perpective

ive gotta go now,thanks to all for you kind and compassionate help.