Love help: This is my letter to my mum, do you think it’s ok? - Help.com

its perfect. sometimes a carefully planed letter is better than spitting out half chewed words whilst in such an emotional state.. i think you will find once you give your mother this you will be on the right path.. Big huge freaking hug for you *HUG*

Its OK…but not knowing your mum I cant say if she would listen

Why don’t you put a bit more detail in about was has happened and then slide it under her door or leave it somewhere she will definately see it, then she will be more ready to talk to you usefully when she has read it?

As a mother i would want to know everything my little girl had been through and would find it very hard just to talk a bit

If I was your mom I think I’d be a wreck until I understood what was wrong specifically. I’d think the worst. It’s good that you are attempting communication. Give her a time line or tell her you aren’t sick, in trouble with the law, ect. Tell her it’s a problem with X — narrow it down so she wont be going crazy with fear. Just give her some details if you can’t handle giving her a lot of details. Good luck.

bookworm16 wrote:
I had the chance to talk to her tonight, but I just couldn’t do it, so before I lost my nerve I thought I’d better write a letter and give it to her at some point tonight.

hey have a listen to this song a few times, listen to the lyrics… im sure this could help push you to take this step.

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well tht failed lol… heres a link… http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2DEOB-u…

Good question. You were very clear in some ways. This is what I understand specifically:

Things have happened and I’ve done things I’m not proud of and know are wrong, but I know that I need help, and I hope that through you and others I can get some of that help.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m scared and I want help. From you, if possible.

Because this could be anything, I think you’re mom might really freak out. I would because I’d be so worried that you had AIDs or did something that could get you in trouble with the law. I’d think worst case. So if you could give her a time frame of when you want to talk to her or assure her it’s not the worst case scenario I think that would be helpful in her….in her helping you…because you dont want her to freak, right?

yes so long as you promise to talk to her and this was just to get over the inital hurdle you will be fine

that would be good, but if she worries or pushes you it is only because she loves you and cares

if you tell her in the letter you will talk to her about it in a short while then she should be fine, yes she will get emotional and get worried sick thats why when you give her it give her a hug and walk out the room go sit in your room and keep yourself occupied then go back down when your ready to talk to her.

I think that letter was good.

If everything you said in there was honest and you didn’t leave out anything important then I don’t see how you can improve on that :)

bookworm16 wrote:
Well I left out the direct details of the important stuff, but I can expand when I go up to see her.

exactly, its not important how your mom takes this only that you get the help you want, it will be a shock for your mom but im sure the first thing she will do is give you a big hug…

bookworm16 wrote:
I hope so…

i do too, its not the same but when my grandad died last year i didnt show any signs that it had affected me as badly as it had and on the very last day of his open casket i went to see him… i burst into tears and everyone was there for me, i left that house and walked home fighting back the tears as soon as my mom saw me the first thing she done was give me a big hug and the second thing she did was make me a cup of tea… i never expected her to be able to deal with my grief as well as hher own but im her son and she loves me unconditionally as does your mom to you.

bookworm16 wrote:
I’ve given it to her … I’m so scared!

hey thats good… now go back down in ten or so minutes and hive her a big hug cuddle up and tell her all you can.

im right here all tonight if you need someone to talk to.

bookworm16 wrote:
Thanks …

hey im all for helping someone out. you couldnt do a more worthwhile thing in your spare time could you?

cookies and cream wrote:
I have a lot of a lot of admiration for you.

i do too, i know how hard it is to do something like this,i could have sat here and told you to do it but you might never have plucked up the courage, you did it all yourself and you should be immeasurably proud of yourself, i have never in my life had to do anything so scary or hard.

Based on interactions with my own mother, she’s going to freak the holy hell out. But there’s nothing you can do to stop that if you really do want to tell her everything, and this letter is very well-written. If you do go back and talk to her very soon, she’ll be calmer. Personally, I would give it to her at night and talk to her in the morning, because she’ll have had a chance to get ready for whatever you’re going to say and to calm down.

bookworm 16 … how did it go?!! Is everything ok? Do you feel better..?

That’s good, I hoped it would go that way. At least you have her there for you now :-) I’m glad you have got it off your chest and were able to speak to her *hugs*

bookworm16 wrote:
It went ok. She didn’t shout or scream, just hugged me and said that she loved me very much and she’d try to get me help but she wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t ok with me. She was really great actually.

see i told you, how do you feel now?

Well done, that took a lot. I know you’ve been planning this for ages, you must feel better now thats its done.

I know you saw this on another post, and congrats to you to have the courage to follow through with it yourself!

I think, as teens we think our parents hate us because of the rules they tie us with. The one thing we don’t realise is, we’re still they’re little boy/girl.

In only the extreme cases will our parents not respond as yours did, bookworm. I think most teens would be shocked at the love their parents show them if you told them you were hurting.

well done! just make sure you keep the lines of communication open!

that sounds awesome, good on you for talking to your mum girl, shes the one who really can help and get the ball rolling, snd she needs to be involved in your life.
that took a heck of a lot of guts!

Oh good. She seems very loving and understanding. I’m glad you won’t hurt yourself anymore. A teacher will be told if the school finds out but your friends and other teachers won’t know because they are obliged to keep that information confidential. Your mum prob thinks it’s for the best so they can look after you.

I am so proud of you. I am in tears because I know how hard it was for you do do this. You made a huge step in getting better. I just want to give you a big hug and kiss you on the head. It may get worse before it gets better. But it is going to get better and that is what is important to remember.
(((hugs))) (((hugs))) (((hugs)))

you know what would upset your mum more? not knowing.
my mum said that to me once. she said “i can handle anything, anything you want to tell me. the one thing i cant handle is not knowing whats going on and whats hurting you or why”
i always remember that if i dont want to tell my mum something because i think it might hurt her. your mum is hella stronger than you give her credit for. dont be afriad to tell her whats going on, because that helps her, not hurts her.

bookworm16 wrote:
Yeah, I have to go and see a teacher tomorrow and they’re going to make an appointment for me to see the counsellor for the first day back at school.

I don’t know … if my mum didn’t know I think she’d be happier!

hey, your moms unhappy because you are too, she will be unhappy because she didn’t see it spot that you felt like this, you have done the right thing, now that people know how you feel they can begin to help you.

I would say right now your mom is feeling grateful that she knows. Happy is going to be when you are feeling better.

The more people that know, that try to understand; they are only more people that can help you.

bookworm16 wrote:
Yeah, I guess so. I think I’ve just made things worse though because more people are getting to know about it every day :S

People knowing is a scary feeling. People seeing the part of you that you kept hidden away in a dark room. Now the door is open and that light coming through hurts at first because you are not used to it. But once you adjust to it, it wont hurt any more.

you have been so brave so far, you have done the hardest part it should all be a cake walk for you now, just keep it up the more people that know means the more people that can help you. and remember your mom wants you to tell her about even just the little things like this. tell her about all these little doubts she wants to know so she can help you… was i not right about how your mom would give you a big hug and not be angry?

bookworm16 wrote:
Yes, you were right … and I have an appointment with the counsellor on the 3rd, they rushed it forward for me, so hopefully that will help. And I might have a job which will keep me busy and get me out the house, so that’s good too.

hey these people only want to help you, and you got to let them so its good that you are, remember we are all still here for you and we wish you all the best and will provide all the support we can for you. but remember you have people now that know your not great and they can now help you more than we can. but altogether we can help you pull through this easier. *HUG*

bookworm16 wrote:
I know, I just don’t want people to view me as some charity case or someone to feel sorry for, I’m ok with the way I am most of the time, I’m fine with it so why can’t they just treat me like they did before they knew?

hey dont worry about how people treat you, if you are doing well then they will see that and treat you like any normal person, these people are only treading carefully becouse they only just found out, its normal dont worry about it, if it continues or you get a bit tired of it then tell those people that you want to be treated normally. although im sure with time that wont be a problem.

In time they will. It is not new for you, but it is for them. They are not sure how fragile you are right now. So they may walk gently for awhile. Give it time, don’t let it bother you.

I know when one girl I know on here open up to her mom about her situation, her mom did not want to let her out of her sight for a while. It was driving her crazy. Her mom was getting over protective. But now that some time has passed, it is getting better. It will for you too.

yeah i agree with babacup, it will take a wee bit of time for people to adjust but they will and youll find life will get better for you.

hey cookies and cream, you know what great reply, quotable even.

That’s good that you are willing to try and are determined. The counsellor will be there to help… he/she will want to do that and I am sure they won’t judge you in any way shape or form. You have opened yourself up to your mum and that was a big step, but at the same time a relief for you as I’m sure it is for her. I say that because she will be happy that she stepped in to help you at the right time. She is doing the right thing. I just hope you can stay strong and focused. Remember that link I sent should help you also. Don’t feel ashamed, feel glad you have come so far and had the courage and strength to get where you are now :-)

I think it will help to talk about your problems with someone who has knowledge and experience of it. They will be able to point you in the right direction. It is hard now for you I’m guessing… you probably feel exposed but remember everyone wants to help in the best way they can and I think although your mum is concerned she will be glad you have shared this with her… although it doesn’t appear so.

hi bookworm,i’m jana.i’m also a mum,and have been in a simular situation.you have a great letter,one i would like from my kids.though when i wrote my letter to my father,he called hurt,because i never told him.GOODNEWS…he excepted me,for me.he helped ,and with time,we both healed together,jana