Year help: anybody up for some relationship advice? - Help.com

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y did u break up with him for tht?

That doesn’t sounds like a real reason to break up with someone who you’ve been with for three years. It sounds like an excuse because other things were wrong and you knew you needed to leave, but you didn’t feel like any other reason was good enough.

If you want real relationship advice, tell us what you’re really looking for and what the real problems were.

or… on the other hand it sounds like a great reason if you don’t want to be with a violent person.

not to say everyone who gets in a fight is “violent” but maybe this guy is. only you know.

barrest wrote:
well he’s always been a big drinker, and has gotten into enough fights because of it. It’s hurts so bad to see that happen all the time but I get so mad because he’s doing it to himself. and i told him that I wouldn’t take that kind of behavior if he wanted to stay with me. and so on sunday he called me, wouldnt tell me where he was because he said there were guys trying to kill him and then when I called the cops they found him already unconscious. so i couldn’t take it anymore, he’s irresponsible and obviously doesn’t care enough about us to allow this not to happen. We’re adults and he doesn’t understand how to act like one still.

That IS a reason to break up with someone. You’re not his babysitter, his mother, his caretaker, or his nanny. You’re an adult, like you said, and so is he. He has to take responsibility for his own actions and if he refuses to, you have to take responsibility for your life and not let him drag you down with him.

That IS a reason to break up with someone. You’re not his babysitter, his mother, his caretaker, or his nanny. You’re an adult, like you said, and so is he. He has to take responsibility for his own actions and if he refuses to, you have to take responsibility for your life and not let him drag you down with him.[/quote]

That’s what I keep saying to myself, but he has apologized over and over since then. But I told him that we’ve gone through this more than once or twice probably over 10 times. He says now he knows he needs to change since he’s has his hand broken every single time and his cheek and nose were also at some point. He doesn’t have the money to pay for all the hospital trips and he expects us to get married. I don’t know if I can risk it being with him again.[/quote]

You can’t. He’s not going to change or stop. If he’s said it before and didn’t do it, it’s definitely not going to happen in the future. If you marry him, he will put you through medical bankruptcy running up all those medical bills, and probably end up in jail for all his fighting, which will make things even harder on you. There are consequences for his actions, but you have made a choice not to allow those consequences to affect you anymore. You need to stick with that decision if you value yourself.

barrest,

You are doing the right thing. Nyx pretty much summed it up.
A lot of guys usually get into that “Im sorry I will change mode” to try and keep you around, he’ll get desperate once he sees it aint working as it did before.
One thing I suggest is that you try and distance yourself from him, you will fall time #11 and up if you keep on “listening” to his words….you’ll eventually start to think that he’ll probably change “this time” as you did 10 times ago.

The way he has acted has not been that much respectful towards the relationship (he didnt take your feelings into consideration, he kept on picking sensless fights, he didnt listen to you, didnt keep his word, etc..). As you have experienced, his attitude has been causing unnecessary stepbacks and problems you would not want, they hurt. Go with someone more adult minded, mature and responsible. Someone a little more like you.

If you are really sure of your decision (which in the next days will feel the intensity of your decision as you start to heal), my advice is for you to move on (no contact, think of the “why’s” of your decision, stay strong). Let him grow up by himself, recognize his issues and get help for his heavy drinking.

I hope you get better
=)
Good luck,
Your call.

that sounds like you were just trying to find any little thing you could to get out of the relation ship without just streight up ending it. I suppose you rathered him feel like he did something wrote AND that you dont love him instead of the him just thinking you dont love him. Nice.