im a 20 yo girl, with the same problems, my life sounds a lot like what you typed… the parental issues, their effect on my self image, the lousy circumstances, the panic attacks, wishing it was only a disease called anxiety but knowing it’s a true idea and not just a chemical problem, the sleepless nights and the hopeless exhaustion…. the thing is with me, the angelic guy was a bit further than 400 miles away, and he turned into a worse bully than any of the mean ones i’ve met since kindergarten, so there goes that as well… what i wanna say is, when i thought i met someones who actually gets me (they weren’t what i thought they were, but i was so anxious to meet someone with certain qualities that i probably imagined them in the closest person to them and fooled myself) i really felt just super good, i felt like i could finally breathe, turn my head around, move my hands and legs, walk, shower & cook, i felt like i was for the very first time alive, and for the first time and last ever since, i was really actually truly afraid of death, instead of wishing for it sometimes twice a second and some other times less frequently a day… so now that i know that the last time i really felt good i was just fooling myself, i found the lesson in it after all - that at least now i know that happiness DOES exist, that there is a different feeling than the one i wake up with every single day, and that good feeling is the thing i wanna live for and get one day, hey, at least now i have something to look forward to; i’m saying this because i’m leaving until i get there again… incredibly hard days is something i’m used to living and i’m willing to invest in my ability to live hard for the sake of feeling good EVER again.
so as usual i’ve made no point whatsoever, but i guess i meant good luck me fellow earthling
I thought this link may help. I had many a panic attack and have almost conquered mine. Almost. Once I understood how they work helped a lot.
http://www.anxietycoach.com/pan2.htm
After the first few panic attacks, the rest are usually triggered by fear it’s self.
Fearing the panic attack triggers a panic attack.
Hope this helps.
Thank for your reply. As you probably understand I have 0 concentration power so I’m trying to follow what you said. Some days I feel like oh why don’t I just crawl up in a ball and die, but, then when something is feeling good I’m like terrifed something will hapen to me now I’m starting to be happy, therefore bringing me back down again. It’s like a massive life hormonal yo yo thing. All the ups and downs are very hard to deal with but in some ways I feel like I will gain confidence as I grow older and learn more, but I do live in fear everyday because of the accident with my friends that something will happen again that will totally destroy me again.
A problem I do have is because of my lack of confidence I am totally incapable of dealing with confrontation. In social situations I’d either not stand up for myslef when I should’ve done then I’m overly defensive when I don’t have to be. I’m so incredibly different to everybody, it’s makes it so hard to fit in. I see everybody as a horrible evil person who are out to destroy me emotionally. I know it’s just how I view things and I need to re-wire my brain into thinking other wise, but it’s hard to do without help. If this CBT woman phones in sick at work one more time I think I will be very cross with them. Who has flu for 3 and a half weeks?
@Winter.Rain
Any help is appreciated. I had my first pani attack after my friends accident in the bathroom, so everytime for the past 3 years I’ve dreaded going in the bathroom for fear of the panic attacks and the horrible thoughts. I sometimes go 5 days without a shower because the fear of the horrible thoughts is stopping me from going in the bathroom, even brushing my teeth is too long to spend in there. Wh yare brains so complicated and annoying, lol.
it’s having such problems, i hope we’d all get out of it soon
I feel ya. The not fun part I found out is you actually have to face your fears. Make yourself go to the places that scare you or what not. It’s really difficult at first. Okay, the second and third time too, but you can do it. Once you teach your body not to fear the panic attack then you can have normal anxiety. Yay!… cough cough. I was so terrified at one point I wouldn’t leave the house except for work and I’d sleep as soon as I got home not to deal with the fear. Ug.. Once I learned to recognize my triggers I had to really sort myself before entering the situation. Relaxing, breathing techniques. Try to make my mind see it differently then what the fear wants me to see. Remember avoidance just makes it worse. Much much worse. But take baby steps. Find your triggers, realize you are fearing fear itself and once you feel comfortable enough face your fear. It’s tough but can be done.
Yeah, I was searching the internet because I realise I can’t go on like this. I’ve been avoiding it for a while. To keep my mind off things when I do come home from work I spend all night on my computer with the lights on and TV on. I have a fear of sleeping which I’ve had since I was very little. I didn’t even sleep well when I was born. I’ve had about 3 proper nights sleep in my whole life and it is one problem I would like to face, but it’s trying to get the strength together to face it. When you’re tired all the time and not got a good diet then it’s creating a vicious circle that can be hard to break, but with some help I hope to break it. It is good to know that I’m not alone. Before I realised the names of my problems, OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder, I thought I was all alone, but it’s good to know that there is other people out there who understand that it is a problem and are nice about it. It’s so hard to find people who are willing to actually listen to your problems, and they don’t like you if you are not willing to listen to them and their problems.
Yeah :( It’s so wrong that the tired feeling is from your body pumping adrenalin every time you get scared. After a while you body gets so exhausted like you lifted weights everyday every hour for a week or two. I was in relationship at the time and well, I didn’t get much support. Er any, but I did get motivating words, like; what’s wrong with you, you need to fix this. Woohoo! Ah the emotional pain. How I miss your inspiring artistic input. Made some great pictures from it. ^^
I can sleep for 15 hours and it doesn’t make a difference, keep thinking it’s because I had a light on, or because I had caffeine before bed or something, but it’s because the adrenalin I have going through me all day is aggrivating me. It’s mainly because I have Social Anxiety Disorder, and I work in a department store. I do it to force me to interact with people but because I’m around people all day it can be quite stressful.
My partner is supportive and is trying to help me, but living so far away I feel so vunerable again. Since I’m being evicted in about 3 months anyway it’s an idea to move to him, but I want to make a new start and leave my anxiety behind here so I can start fresh and live my life, but it’s going to take a lot of work and I appreciate you guys replying. It’s good to know I’m not as alone as I feel I am. So ironic, I’m scared of people yet I feel incredibly lonely…
I think it’s completely understandable. I found the stress vits at the drug store helped to ween some of the anxiety to get some control back and go from there. Takes about a week for them to kick in and it’s just enough noticeable to help.
I was on Citalopram but my body doesn’t agree with a lot of medication I take. I took Prozac (or Fluoxitine to give it it’s proper name) but I was scared of the pills. I think because I’m scared of confrontation I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to deal with life without my anxieties. Like, my OCD is a way of trying to keep things in control, when actually it’s what’s making my life chaotic.
I like lavender. I think what might help if clearing up my bedroom (because everything has got bad recently I’ve just dropped everything on the floor) and making the place clear and tranquil. I have a lavender candle which I love and some body lotion…I think that would be a little pick up I need, but it’s finding the time because anxiety amkes you feel like you have a millions things going on, when you don’t really.
I’ve learnt a bit today talking about my feelings. It’s good to get it out, makes you feel like you can handle it better.
I agree, and I love lavender too. And lilac. I found that talking or writing “outloud” helps you come to the proper healthy conclutions, answers that your subconscious already knows. I have organized and straightened everything over and over to fix how I feel about my life. If my stuff is organized then I can organize my life. I know that sounds silly, but it helped me.
Yes, I need to organise. I’m lving by myself for the first time and all the things that need doing have overwhelmed me and I’ve become somewhat disorientated. It’s amazing how irrational your inside voice can be, and when you see it written down it’s easier to make a rational decision. Why is that? Being alone with living by myself and the SAD will make things harder because I don’t have someone to kickstart me and to keep an eye on me to make sure I’m not going backwards again, so, I think I’ll have to keep coming back here, reading what I’ve written to remind myself why I am doing this, why I am trying to change things. One major reason was if I was to have a child I would hate it if the child to copy my anxiety, because I notice it in my pets. My cat is terrified of everyone except for me, even my partner. It’s because I never have anyone round at my house.
My goal is to invite someone round to my house after a party that is happening about the 8th of November. I’m terrified of the thought of inviting someone to my house but I need to break this circle.
I wonder how long I’ll have this glimpse of positivity, we will see…
It’s odd how it works. I’m happy to know you are going to invite someone over. Good start. WHen you start to feel down or stressed, make yourself smile. LIke big smile. Usually you will feel so goofy that you laugh uncontrollably. That’s really good medicine. ^^
hey blackeyed8,
I’m logging off for tonight. Drop me a line, I have the post marked, so I can check for messages. I think you’re on your way. You are determined. Don’t get discouraged by falling back steps. It will happen. If you expect it then it can’t surprise you. ^^
Very true. It probbaly helps me because smiling is something I don’t do naturally. Over the years I’ve slowly learnt to have an emotionless face. Everyone always thinks I’m sad, but even when I don’t feel sad I have such a solid facial expression. I’m scared of being open to people, probably because I feel vunerable and in a position to be hurt, but maybe I’ll learn over time how to deal with confrontation. Even a very mild disagreement with no raised voices makes me feel very sick and shaky. It’s annoying because I know I can deal with most difficult people, but actually as you said I think ‘oh no, a confrontation is coming up, I’m going to panic’. I’m actually scared of appearing scared and submissive and not being able to stand my ground. I’m scared of being scared, lol. And if I’m going to move house it’s best I do the baby steps at home instead of somewhere strange.
I’m so used to being put down or story topped when I explain my problems, but it’s rare to meet people who actually want to spend time to help you. I should go to, I need to get at least a couple of hours sleep before work so I can function enough to get through the day. Thanks for your time.
Ok, first off I don’t know you. But I do know panic attacks in the past, and I know how thoroughly awful they are. My first piece of advice would be, do not drink alcohol. My second would be do not drink coffee. My third would be take magnesium tablets, magnesium is used by the central nervous system - a lack of it unduly stresses your body. My fourth would be start getting regular cardiovascular exercise, NO EXCUSES, if you are feeling on edge go for a fast walk somewhere you know there won’t be any people around. My fifth piece of advice would be, don’t spend all day in bed, try to do things you know might interest you - e.g reading a good book or watching a comedy show on TV - and try to get 7 hours sleep a night ( camomile tea helps).
Finally, when you do have a panic attack have a mantra you repeat to yourself, eg “stop this” Calm down, Calm down - you’re just being silly its ok” repeat that over and over in your head until you calm down.
Stop thinking negatively about yourself! I am sure you are a good person, and no matter what your past is no one deserves to endure panic attacks - remind yourself of that. Also, when you feel bad about something, sad or angry, like your ******* landlord or your parents ACKNOWLEDGE it, accept it and MOVE ON - never supress your emotions. Supressing emotions is a chief cause of anxiety in people, I should know I’ve done it myself.
May your God go with you. :)
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lazy
Winter.Rain
Mushroom8
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