Love help: I dono what is wrong with me,i feel lyk im constantly jealous - Help.com

I dono what is wrong with me,i feel lyk im constantly

jealous of everyone who have beta things o even beta looks den me even of coz thrs billion people who would be but i lived in a small town and everyone knows eeryone so thrs tendency in this lil’town to compete,i noe this is selfish but tats d reason why im here,i want help n i need changes.Im not sayin im all that or watsoever but since young,i always been complimented on my looks but im still insecure,i feel threaten seein another pretty girls coz im afraid my bf might leave me for someone more attractive.Eventho i know my bf truly loves me,i cant help the fact that i get insecure about wat might happen in d future,i dont wanna lose him.Bside that,i feel like my life is spiral out of control,m depressed most time,and the people whom im nice to nvr reciprocate,not a word on thanks when i bought them foods n send them up n down from her workplace to home den home to town,i jz needed a word thanks,is tat so hard to say??i dun even need gift o anythin,jz a word thanks.Back on the topic of my insecurity,i think i had this feeling when my first love dumped me n since then ive been playin ard d field but wen i gotten serious with my current bf,i cant help but get insecure n thought wat if d things i did to some people come back n haunt me,you know,karma??Most night i prayed n i asked God for forgiveness cuz i learned what its like to have something so precious in ur life n in any moment,tat precious can jz leave,im so in love that im petrified.I actually do belive in karma but the thing is i already learn my lesson,can God forgive me n dont let me get karmic revolo..let u in noe a lil thing,wen i was young,i was everyone,party,frenz n popularity but diz insecurity have changed me,i sabotaged myself from others,i hardly go out,i constanly changed my fon number so no other men o people can seek me,i can hardly trust people,d only person i trust d most has left n gone to a beta place so every of my emotion,sadness,happiness,i keep to myself so im definitely repressed,n u noe repression leads to full blow tantrum on lil’ things,n usually that is towards my bf,i dont even noe how he can stand my temper for years.I really have no one else to depend on but him,n wen i depend on myself,i get suicidal,i fantasize abt death!So anyone?plz spare some time to atleast give me advice makeover,ur time is fully appreciated!

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