Thought help: same as yesterday…

Gypsy Pirate

same as yesterday…

I’ve gotten off of prozac that was prescribed for my depression recently. I was doing very well for the first week or so but am really delving back into a suicidal train of thought. I can’t afford to go to a psychologist and renew my prescription. Please help me. I think about how much I hate myself and the world and wish that I weren’t in it and how I wish could just die 3/4 of my waking time. I fantasize about different ways I could die without having to actively kill myself. Since I’ve failed so many times. I don’t know what exactly I’m asking for (besides death) so maybe you do.

This open post was written 1 year, 1 month ago | V/U/S: 155, 14, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Gypsy Pirate may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Gypsy Pirate is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 1 month and has 18 posts and 331 replies to their name.

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death, suicide, Train, psychologist, Week, Fluoxetine, world, hate, Thought, Affordance (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (14)

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HelpBot 3 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 1 year, 1 month ago (0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

Call this hotline (1-800-273-8255) operated by our friends at the
Suicide Prevention Lifeline, anytime, for free, professional, and
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bookworm16 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (5 minutes after post)

Is there not some way you can start the prozac again without having to pay?

Help me with: Depression has screwed up my life.

Gypsy Pirate 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (7 minutes after post)

I have tried getting some from drug dealers but apparently it’s hard to get a hold of. They would have to do a current evaluation since I just moved here.

Help me with: symbolism of a crane, egret and swan?

Hyde 1 #
US | 1 year, 1 month ago (9 minutes after post)

hmmmm if you failed so many times at killing yourself and you’ve lived…maybe there is a reason for you to live

Help me with: what are 4 things that describe u best…could be anything like a song…an obect…what are 4 things that describe u?

Gypsy Pirate 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (16 minutes after post)

reason has nothing to do with it. I am an animal just like you and tom cruise and squirrels and snakes and tigers and whales. we just do our thing and die. no reason, only cause. The only excuse for me failing so is my cowardice.

Help me with: symbolism of a crane, egret and swan?

concerned-citize 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (43 minutes after post)

Have you asked yourself why you think you hate yourself? From your posts i can tell you are obviously an intelligent person who has hit some hard times lately, who has (without trying to sound like a preacher) lost their way and motivation for life. If you don’t mind me asking how long ago did your depression start?

Help me with: What would you do?

Gypsy Pirate 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (1 hour, 2 minutes after post)

well really I’ve been depressed since I was about thirteen. I think. something liek that. I was perpetually raped and molested for four consecutive years from age five to nine. I was molested by my brother later, I’ve been raped by five different people in my entire life. can’t be positive… but I’m pretty sure… that’s where almost all of my self hatred is derived from. A little girl who can’t experience the joys and carelessness of being a child… this sentence sucks, but it’s extremely confusing, and takes the joy out of life. I have a very cynical perception of the world. I guess it has shown me that the world is a fukd place with cruel, inconsiderate people out there. even worse is that they are trapped in my head. I have unbelievable nightmares, what’s worse is that the are real. were real. but what I’m trying to get at is that I hate myself, my body because if I weren’t in it, didn’t have it, I would not be subject to these worldly pains. My body is a curse. because people think it is attractive they feel the need to use it. I hate my body. also there is no proof that there is anything outside of the physical. If there is, perhaps it would be free to fly away, to disintegrate into the warmth of the shining sun. But not any old perverted man, or any twisted marine, or any confused adolescent brother, or anyone else in the world could hurt me in that form. The cuts i inflict on myself are just scars, just lines on the paper compared to the pain my soul feels.

Help me with: symbolism of a crane, egret and swan?

Sir Cody † 60 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (1 hour, 5 minutes after post)

Gypsy Hatter wrote:
I don’t know what exactly I’m asking for (besides death) so maybe you do.

Your asking for help. You are not just an animal. You are a human being.

It may not seem to you like He does, but God does love you.

Help me with: For those of you who know me.

Sir Cody † invited 3 users to read this post 1 year, 1 month ago.

Help me with: For those of you who know me.

concerned-citize 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (1 hour, 45 minutes after post)

that’s a really upsetting story for me to read, and i can’t imagine how hard your life has been. you have gone through some awful experiences in your childhood that no person should ever have to go through. i know this won’t mean a lot to you but i am so sorry to hear about the pain that you are going through.

what i will say is this, have you contacted the authorities about what happened? This (i realise would be very hard because your brother is involved) may be the first step in helping you to overcome these problems that you have in front of you.

i understand that you are feeling cynical about the whole world at the moment. but don’t let the horrendous actions of these horrible excuses for human beings destroy your faith in humanity. you seem to be punishing yourself for something these lowlives have done to you. its important not to blame and hurt yourself, because you have done nothing wrong.

again, I am so sorry to hear of your pain, don’t let these b*stards grind you down.

Help me with: What would you do?

Gypsy Pirate 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (3 hours, 11 minutes after post)

The first person (the one of four years) was a 60+ french man named Pierre. That’s all I know about him. My step brother is now dead. The cause of death is unknown but suspected to be an overdose. I never told anyone what had happened until I was eighteen years old. I have been to many psychologists since, even a patient in a mental hospital. I’ve studied all my diagnosed mental illnesses. I don’t know… I want to be relatively happy. That just seems impossible. utterly.

Help me with: symbolism of a crane, egret and swan?

Sir Cody † 60 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (14 hours, 58 minutes after post)

There is someone who can help.

Help me with: For those of you who know me.

concerned-citize 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (22 hours, 18 minutes after post)

Its never impossible to be happy. i know it seems that way now. What do you enjoy doing? What hobbies or pasttimes do you really like to do? I once heard that true happiness comes from the enjoyment of oneself (sorry about the quote), so maybe if you invest a bit of time in yourself, find out what activity you enjoy to do and then always make a bit of time for yourself to do that when you need a lift.

Help me with: What would you do?

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