This post left anonymously
Can you ever get over cheating?
I’m 21 and my boyfriend/bestfriend and I have been “together” for 7 years. The relationship was amazing until I broke up with him a year ago, then got back with him after one month. He had been drinking a lot, was unsure of where he was going in life, and I felt i was too young to know if we would really work out (plus we were living together–bad news). In my stupidity, I slept with someone he knew in the livingroom of the house we shared, while he was sleeping. Yes, it is the worst thing I have ever done. I was drunk, but thats not an excuse. I wanted to rid myself of him because his drinking and apathy towards life had started to become emotionally abusive.
After we moved into seperate places I started missing him and all of my feelings came back. He even got a new job and stopped looking at the world in a new healthy light. I was attracted to him again and I wanted him so bad. But then a year later he cheated on me when he was drunk, stating the fact that he never got over what I did initially, when we broke up the first time. He said it was a mistake and I took him back right away, because I was so scared of loosing him again. And I felt guilty for what I had done to him.
So, lets get to the PRESENT. Everything is good between us now. Hes like a whole new person and he showers me with love, to the point where his friends roll their eyes. I adore him, but ever since he cheated on me, I began entertaining thoughts of doing bad things myself. I try not to feel this way, and I try to just forgive him, but when I get drunk and he is being overly protective or jealous, I have slipped up a few times. I have fooled around 3 times with guys when I was drunk, after my bf and I had had a little spat. Every time I feel so horribly bad, and I just try to forget I ever did it. But last night his roomate tried to pounce on me, and I woke up next to him, although we didnt do anything (he tried but I yelled at him). Now my bf has caught on because he saw us sleeping next to each other. He told me to go away and won’t return my calls. It’s been only one day, but I have a feeling he’s going to break up with me. I doubt he will pick up my calls though.
No I am thinking: Do I really even want him back? I know I want him back real bad, but is this just going to keep happening? I feel that my unfaithfulness stems from what he did to me…am I just not mature enough to get over it and move on? My BF doesnt deserve what I am doing to him..and the worst part is he doesnt know. Now that he has an idea and he’s suspicious I feel so horrible I can’t stand to look at myself. I want to change my lifestyle, quit partying and learn to forgive…and I love my bf (or ex, i dont know yet) so much. How do i end the destructiveness??? Is there hope for us? Make no mistake I do love him. And I love him to the point where I would leave him alone to make him happy. But I also hate him for cheating on me. This love/hate thing has got me in a spin!
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
Invite Others to Help
A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.