Love help: the hardships of going through a break up.

soundefekt

the hardships of going through a break up.

I am having a really hard time right now dealing with life. girlfriend for 2 1/2years has decided to end our relationship because she feels that she hasnt had the chance to enjoy her own life. she is 23 and im 26. We hit it off instantly, she was the one who took interest in me first. We did everything together and we had the same hobbies, photography, outdoor sports, camping, traveling, road trips, concerts, you name it. we were in love. After she took up this job last year, she started hanging out with her co workers more, they would invite her and I to parties and their homes. She became close to a girl co worker that i dont really know and she has been going out with her a lot. It was starting to make me feel secondary because i was putting my all into our relationship. I began to feel very down all the time, i had little or no interest in anything. I finally told her that i wasnt feeling to well in our relationship anymore, and she told me that she loved me but she wants to do more things before she settles down.. So she wanted to break up with me. I respected her decision and didnt beg, i just took the hit. The thing is, we live together, and she still treats me lovingly and she always craves my affection.. and i give it to her, cause im a sucker, and im still in love with her. It kills me wheni give her affection then she decides to leave me for the night to hang out with her new friends. I’m confused, some people may say that I’m too needy, but you know what, she was just as needy as i was before all this, and we grew dependently on each other. we were very affectionate and all of a sudden this happend. dont know how to end it because we already broke up.. so if she does something that may hurt me, she can use that as an excuse.. She had told me that she isnt interested in anyone else, she just wants to get her ducks in a row..
some advice please? waking up in the morning like this, and trying to sleep has been a big problem for me.
my energy is low and i feel like i lost a part of my body..

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 753, 12, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post soundefekt may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. soundefekt is a verified member, has been around for 1 year and has 3 posts and 41 replies to their name.

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friends, Road, Hanging, Photography, sleep, Love, life, sport, duck, girl (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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lacylane 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (13 minutes after post)

I cant believe you’d still live with her!
I mean, I guess it would be hard to find a new place. I think you need to get away from her, because, obviously if you still love her seeing her every day and acting like you are together, when your not will confuse the hell out of you. You’re not needy or anything.I think it sounds like you’re taking it well, 2 and a half years is a long time.

My friend recently went through the other side of all this. She desided to see her ex and act like they were still going out. He got really screwed up from it.

Even if you are going to get back together, if she wants a break, she should get a break… Not a half going out half break, thing…. If that makes sence?
3

Help me with: I can’t keep this in anymore.

soundefekt 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (16 minutes after post)

your right, you make total sense, and im putting up my sanity for this.. I talked with her mom who i am close too, and she had asked me if she can stay here till she found a place of her own. to tell you the truth its killing me.. thank you for your message, really helped me.

lacylane 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (20 minutes after post)

Thats OK. I’m glad I could help.

Help me with: I can’t keep this in anymore.

Richard Cor de Lyon 20 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (59 minutes after post)

Take a deep breath, and think… if your best friend came to you with this situation, what advise would you give him?

Personally, I agree with with Lacylane. She made the choice to end it all. But you’re not ending anything. She’s ended it… and you keep going… eventually you two will really grow apart, and if you wait till then, you will have put yourself in a great deal of pain.

Help me with: What does the Thanksgiving holiday mean to you?

soundefekt 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (1 hour, 19 minutes after post)

hmm. i see your perspective, but i just hope you got to read everything. I put up there that i respected her decision, and your right she has ended it. But the only reason why she is living with me is because she needs to find a place to stay/rent. Its not because I’m trying to ween her back into our relationship. I have come to terms with the end. Im just looking for a way to get through it. So just for reference.. I “dont keep going” like you mentioned, im just being as rational as i can be with her living situation. I should have been more clear about that.
thanks for replying though.

Richard Cor de Lyon 20 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (1 hour, 24 minutes after post)

So when is she moving?

Help me with: What does the Thanksgiving holiday mean to you?

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Richard Cor de Lyon 20 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (1 day, 13 hours after post)

Sorry Sound’… I was trying to get you to see that it is nearly impossible for you to move forward until she is gone. I’m saying kick her out… but help her leave ASAP… or you leave. You need that terrible lonely aloneness to start healing :( because for you it only remotely feels like you broke up. I KNOW this because I did the exact same thing as you… and I learned my lesson the hard way :(

Help me with: What does the Thanksgiving holiday mean to you?

soundefekt 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (1 day, 13 hours after post)

I am feeling the repercussions now. She decided to go to L.A. to meet some of her friends.. and they are bad news, they are all single and they like to party. So.. I feel a little bit insecure right now with what might have happend down there. you are right, I hope I have the strength to do what needs to be done.

Richard cor de lyon wrote:
Sorry Sound’… I was trying to get you to see that it is nearly impossible for you to move forward until she is gone. I’m saying kick her out… but help her leave ASAP… or you leave. You need that terrible lonely aloneness to start healing :( because for you it only remotely feels like you broke up. I KNOW this because I did the exact same thing as you… and I learned my lesson the hard way :(

soundefekt 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (1 day, 13 hours after post)

Jerry wrote:
You’re only seemingly needy because you grew off eachother. Young people’s relationships can often go like that, when you are at a time of independent growth and your spending all that time with another, you become a dependant partner, rather than a loving partner. Its kind of like replacing your parents with your lover, but in a way that you have to strip down the role generalisations of both of those t understand. If she was late to move out of her parents’ then you’re probably just the replacement of them, in dependence i mean (or vice versa) but now she’s compensating for not having the option of living her life as an independent, so she wants that AND the fuzzies she gets from the relationship. You love her, but you’re being used and until she is at a point that she can realise what she’s doing to you, she should get the space she’s looking for. But she can’t be on both sides of the face.
Good luck scraping the relationship off.

J.

Jerry that was great advice, thank you very much

Richard Cor de Lyon 20 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (1 day, 13 hours after post)

for me once I got all her stuff out… it was a couple of weeks of still these very hurtful feeling inside me… then I realized. I had left her room (yeah she moved out of ‘our’ room long before) the way it was… there was an empty bed that the cat laid on… her cat she left behind… So, I’d walk past and see this and it would only emphasize the loneliness I was feeling. After I rearranged the entire house… and turned that bedroom into a den… was I truly able to move forward. Then I followed my own advice (as I gave in the other post) and things are looking up now :)

Help me with: What does the Thanksgiving holiday mean to you?

padma_ayye #
An Unknown Location | 8 months, 4 weeks ago (4 months after post)

hi u need to b strong and u need to keep away from her.look up a new place to live and stop seeing her totally. if she loves u she’l find u if not u r better off from her.start seeing someone else,make more friends,go out with others,enjoy life its beautiful.

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the hardships of going through a break up.

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