Lazarus, are you, Dan?
Why the heck did you send these horrible e-mails to me telling me you’re dead? I cried with grief at the time, as we had been friendly and your e-mails painted a tragic picture. Now I am utterly shocked to find out what a complete arsehole you are. I even posted a notice of your death on the creative writing site, so it affected a lot of people. Why on earth would you pretend to be dead? Maybe you’re too screwed up to answer that, because this goes way beyond weird.
My e-mail said - if you’ve changed your mind about taking over the site, I’ll give you a refund (can’t say fairer than that) and you replied with these fake lawyer letters. You are a thoroughly nasty, nasty person to mess with my head like this.
******
Here are your e-mails below, which you sent from your own e-mail address just to jog your memory:
Hello Ms. Wright,
I’m sorry to inform you of Mr. DeColumna’s death as of June 28th, 2008. It took quite some time for the legal issues to settle to allow a lawyer (myself) to access his email and settle any standing accounts. You may keep whatever payments received from Mr. DeColumna, however consider any other agreement officially dissolved.
I am sorry to be the one to extend such news, and I hope this doesn’t seriously hamper you in any way.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Jonathon Gorske, P.C.
… and the next one gets even more interesting, as you describe such a heroic death for yourself:
Ms. Wright,
In answer to your first query, Mr. DeColumna died in a murder-suicide. Apparently, a friend of his left a note indicating their intention of ending their life. Ironically, Mr. DeColumna quit his job that day and came home early to find the note. Rather than calling the police, Mr. DeColumna tried first to call his friend, and receiving no response, drove to his friend’s house. After this, we’re not quite sure what happened beyond the fact that he failed to convince his friend otherwise and got himself shot in the process. Both were found dead later that night by his friend’s mother. As for Mr. DeColumna’s family contact information, I cannot give that. Also, I’ve spoken with his family about the issue, and they agree that Daniel would have wanted you to keep the money. They said Daniel spoke often about the site in question, and, if anything, they would want the money put toward any expenses incurred by the operation of the site. I’ve expressed your condolences, and I was told to thank you for that. Also, with this email, all issues of legal concern (ongoing transactions, agreements, etc.) are concerned settled; meaning, this email will no longer be checked, and after 6 months Yahoo! will automatically close the account. In other words, don’t bother responding because there will be no one to read the response.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Jonathon Gorske, P.C.
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Dan DeColumna closed this post.