college help: I am afraid to succeed. - Help.com

Think about where this may have come from. What type of relationship do you have with your family? What type of environment were you raised in?
Sometimes the answers to who you are lie in your family history. And often times that can help people overcome their problems.

I have a pretty good relationship with my family besides the normal disagreements with parents and the environment` I was raised in was great, if I wanted something i usually always got it, parents were encouraging; there are not any real complaints I have.

What type of attitude did they have towards the things you did? Did you ever feel like you were going to let them down?
Are you a pretty independent person or do you typically rely on help from others (can be physical help or encouragement that you’re doing a good job)?

EmilyRI wrote:
What type of attitude did they have towards the things you did? Did you ever feel like you were going to let them down?
Are you a pretty independent person or do you typically rely on help from others (can be physical help or encouragement that you’re doing a good job)?

In what ever I do they believe in me. Yes I do feel like I will let them down, I feel like that even with stuff that doesn’t involve them. If i do something it has to be perfect and lately it seems like nothing can be done perfectly and for that reason I don’t even try.

Up until the age of 17 I would have to rely on them for money and stuff like that but I then got a job which I’ve had to the past 2.6 years and in this time I would consider my self pretty independent.

I do rely on “you’re doing a good job” quite a lot; because as I said before when I do something I have this thought to where it MUST be perfect or its not worth doing.

Well seems you’ve got this idea of perfectionism in your head that needs to be tweaked a little. Maybe a good couple of counseling sessions would be good. They may be able to help you overcome your fear of not only not succeeding but not achieving what others expected of you.
The feeling of being under a microscope and being watched by everyone around you is scary. Hoping to please everyone is exhausting! Being scared you’ll fail is common.
A counselor can help you re prioritize what’s important!

EmilyRI wrote:
Well seems you’ve got this idea of perfectionism in your head that needs to be tweaked a little. Maybe a good couple of counseling sessions would be good. They may be able to help you overcome your fear of not only not succeeding but not achieving what others expected of you.The feeling of being under a microscope and being watched by everyone around you is scary. Hoping to please everyone is exhausting! Being scared you’ll fail is common. A counselor can help you re prioritize what’s important!

Thanks

NP good luck

Everyone gets scared—but your case seems a bit more than just that. Maybe seeing a therapist/counselor would help you. Sometimes it just takes talking to some perfect strangers or professionals to help us put things into prospective.

At the end of the day, you have to want to succeed for you.

Thanks for your all of your suggestions:

Times’ gone mad wrote:
Everyone gets scared—but your case seems a bit more than just that. Maybe seeing a therapist/counselor would help you. Sometimes it just takes talking to some perfect strangers or professionals to help us put things into prospective.

At the end of the day, you have to want to succeed for you.

Most of what I do I really want but I am afraid I will not live up to other peoples expectations of me. I guess I got the idea that they can not expect anything if I do not start anything.

But I will look into talking to a professional about this.

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks for your all of your suggestions:

Times’ gone mad wrote:
Everyone gets scared—but your case seems a bit more than just that. Maybe seeing a therapist/counselor would help you. Sometimes it just takes talking to some perfect strangers or professionals to help us put things into prospective.

At the end of the day, you have to want to succeed for you.

Most of what I do I really want but I am afraid I will not live up to other peoples expectations of me. I guess I got the idea that they can not expect anything if I do not start anything.

But I will look into talking to a professional about this.

While looking into this, you should maybe pick up some self help books at a bookstore or library.
There are some good ones out there to help you be yourself and not depend on others for your own success!

Anonymous wrote:

Most of what I do I really want but I am afraid I will not live up to other peoples expectations of me. I guess I got the idea that they can not expect anything if I do not start anything.

But I will look into talking to a professional about this.

This is all a true realization, but you have to be able to take care of yourself, life only gets harder, and being self reliant means you have to cast away your fears and pursue things to make you feel a sense of accomplishment, fulfillment, and are rewarding.

Don’t be afraid, you can obviously be a huge success—so pick up that track record, and don’t continue false-starts.

most-wanted-websites wrote:
I think maybe you want people to accept you for who you are *besides* being a “sucessful” person — could that be?

I think that has a large part in it, it’s like everyone around me has this HIGH expectation of me and I don’t want to let any of them down.

I guess it does have something to do with me wanting them to accept me even though I may not meet their expectations

Times’ gone mad wrote:
Don’t be afraid, you can obviously be a huge success—so pick up that track record, and don’t continue false-starts.

Thanks, I guess your right. Because it does seem that everything I have done was trying to meet someone else’s expectation. ANd then I get the idea I can’t do it so I stop.

I guess it’s time to forget about what everyone else expect of me and to do what I want to do and what I think is best for me…..Although that won’t be easy….

Won’t be easy but it’s worth it.

Success is in you. Do you know that you are meant to succeed.
What alphabeth is this “A”? If you know the know the correct answer, you are already
on your way to success. Believe you can make it. Don’t be scared, do the right things and don’t care if it will give you a negative result. Step into that shoe, it is your size, friend. Thanks and bye.

janadoz wrote:
Success is in you. Do you know that you are meant to succeed.
What alphabeth is this “A”? If you know the know the correct answer, you are already
on your way to success. Believe you can make it. Don’t be scared, do the right things and don’t care if it will give you a negative result. Step into that shoe, it is your size, friend. Thanks and bye.

If I had to take a wild guess I would say the “A” is the greek alphabet which means “Alpha”…is that right?

You are absolutely right. I just want you to remember that a journey of a thousand mile starts on a day. Just step by step, taking your time to know what you haven’t known along with discipline and diligence, you will find yourself where you want to be. Wishing you the best. Thanks and bye.

I think you should seek some help…you obviously have great potential…WHY WASTE IT?…..get that shyness out of you so you can go on with life to accomplish those great things that knock at your door!

good luck!

History Maker wrote:
I think you should seek some help…you obviously have great potential…WHY WASTE IT?…..get that shyness out of you so you can go on with life to accomplish those great things that knock at your door!

good luck!

What type of person can help with this???

I am also trying to help myself because I am planning on a 3 week Spring Break trip in Europe (spending time in different places) and I don’t plan on any of my friends.
I can only go if I let go of the shyness

Here is my reasoning if none of my friends go then I will HAVE to talk to stangers and make new friends while I am there and if I am still really shy then it would be a waste of time because I would really be doing everything on my own….and since i really want to go I am going to try and work on my shyness more so that way if I make it to the point where I can just talk to strangers and not really care about what others think then the trip will be worth it…

If any of that makes sense

It makes sence!!!….sometimes its good to get out of our comfort zone in order to maximize ourselves!….it hurts to do it but it will be worth it afterwards….understand, its ok to be afraid sometimes….but it becomes a problem when you let that fear stagnate you from going any further!…push yourself, but take your time……I wish you luck on your trip and I hope you make that progressive change you want to make…one thing that helps me is before I do something, I invision myself doing it first, then I began to speak it like I am already where I invision myself being, and then it all falls into place and happens….Think positive!!!..speak positive!!..and inevitably, the positive will happen!

Good Luck!