friends help: I don’t want to be a possessive girlfriend… - Help.com

How long you been together? Sometimes the best thing to do is give them a tase of their own medicine

Have you ever told him this is making you worry?

Cakes;-) wrote:
How long you been together? Sometimes the best thing to do is give them a tase of their own medicine

We’ve been together for a little over a month, but we were friends for years beforehand.

*lilies wrote:
Have you ever told him this is making you worry?

I want to, but I’m afraid of sounding possessive, like I’m forbidding him to be with his friends.

It is his right to go out with his friends but it is also your right to tell him how you feel. You do not have to be together all the time but if he seems like he spends more time with other people, then why are you afraid to ask?

Relationships are all about communication, if he gets mad of you asking him or talking about it, then watch out for the red flags.

A real boyfriend listens to his girlfriend, not dismiss them.

Lillies is right I also think you should make some plans for the weekend make yourself less available to him sometimes that way your are both on even ground for your own sanity

*lilies wrote:
It is his right to go out with his friends but it is also your right to tell him how you feel. You do not have to be together all the time but if he seems like he spends more time with other people, then why are you afraid to ask?

I just hate confrontation. I mean, for the duration of our friendship, we have never argued, and I know it’s bound to happen because no couple can go a relationship without arguing, but I don’t want to make him feel bad.

Why So Steve? wrote:
I don’t think it makes you possessive to want him to spend time with you. In fact it is perfectly reasonable. As the relationship is so young you should be spending every waking moment together. It’s when you’re together a while that you get to this phase!

I’m beginning to wonder if our seven-year friendship is the reason we’re at this phase already.

Cakes;-) wrote:
Lillies is right I also think you should make some plans for the weekend make yourself less available to him sometimes that way your are both on even ground for your own sanity

I try to make plans, but unfortunately, most of my friends go home at the weekends and the ones that live close to me are usually working.

A couple who does not fight does not mean they don’t have problems.

I would like to know if you are willing to keep this feeling a secret? you don’t have to confront him. There are always nicer ways to ask a boyfriend about things.

I’m used to bottling everything up so I know I’ll most likely just keep my mouth shut.

You are so like me. But when i am angry, i’d be like an attacking terrorist. I understand where you are coming from. Do you believe your boyfriend is not as understanding as you think he is? Seems like you are scared of him. Is he not the type that you can easily talk to?

That’s just it, he’s the sweetest guy I know, so easy to talk to. I’m scared of everyone basically, coz I’m afraid I’ll upset them. I hate upsetting people. I don’t think he’ll be angry, I just think he’ll feel guilty, and then I’ll feel bad.

I don’t talk to him about stuff that’s worrying me because I just convince myself I’m overreacting.

Hmmm…a relationship should be helpful dear.
It’s not going to hurt.
Why don’t you try telling him about it?
Begin with…’i really miss you, would you
spend some time with me?’

The thing is sometimes men don’t get it
not until we ask.

I actually said it to him in the beginning when I was barely saying it to him, not that he was spending too much time with his friends, but that we didn’t seem to be spending much time together. He seemed happy that texting each other makes up for it.

Sorry, I meant to say I said it to him in the beginning when I was barely seeing him.

Is this the effect of being friends for so long?

Could be but not really sure. Has a lot of factors. But you both could schedule for meeting with his friends and then with you the next few days.

But then again, if he does not know this is affecting you how do you think he
would feel the need for it?

I’m not sure. There’s a chance I could see him tomorrow, I’ve yet to hear. I hate that I make myself so available, but at the same time, I don’t want to play games.

You would need to balance that. You can have fun with your friends. If they are not available, do something else. Gym? hobbies? projects? etc. That would help avoid making yourself too available. At the same time you get some fulfillment.

But remember, there are times when you need to have some of his time. If not, then you can stay as plain friends.

Anonymous wrote:
I don’t want to play games.

You are absolutely right. Let him know you are not after playing silly games.

You’re right. Hopefully I’ll see him tomorrow and I can talk to him.

I really wish you all the luck. Keep it cool but be firm.
Hugs. Please let us know how it goes tomorrow.

The whole point of a relationship is having someone to talk too, he should be the one person in the world you can open up too, even if it’s hard you need to do it for the sake of your relationship, try not to say your seeing your friends too much that may upset him try to say more along the lines of I miss you and lets spend some quality time together. Are you friends with his friends this can be a great bonus I am great at being one of the lads and ofter go out me, my boyfriend and his mates, 2 birds one stone

you should just straight up tell him that you two need to have a serious talk, because this definitely is a serious matter. though it may be over something small, you shouldn’t have to be feeling dismissed, ignored, or left out in a relationship. sit him down and talk to him about how you want to spend time with him face-to-face.

suggest hanging out with him and his friends. or the other way around. my bf and i see each other every day and i’ve hung out with his friends and he’s met my closest friend and really wants to my my other friends once they come back into town. but ultimately, even though we are dating, we ARE each other’s best friend, and i think that is the best way a dating relationship should work out. that way, we are each other’s priority. when we’re out alone hanging out with our friends, we often send a text message when it comes to mind, a short “i’m thinking of you” is all it takes.

do talk to him, and don’t let him brush the topic aside as he’s bound to do. not because he’s a mean person or anything, just because from his point of view, he can’t see it as a big thing. but it is important to you, so don’t let it slide. you’ll be doing a disfavor to both of you if you try to ignore it. you’ll be hurt because it continues this way and you’ll be bottling it up until your doubt gets in the way of your relationship. and he won’t even know what he did wrong. so go ahead and give it a shot. and come back to tell us how it went! :)

Cakes;-) wrote:
The whole point of a relationship is having someone to talk too, he should be the one person in the world you can open up too, even if it’s hard you need to do it for the sake of your relationship, try not to say your seeing your friends too much that may upset him try to say more along the lines of I miss you and lets spend some quality time together. Are you friends with his friends this can be a great bonus I am great at being one of the lads and ofter go out me, my boyfriend and his mates, 2 birds one stone

I do know most of his friends because I went to school with them, it’s how I met him. They were moved into my class when I we were thirteen/fourteen. I mostly hang around with guys anyway, I get on good with them. Although, I do feel I would make the situation awkward at first coz I’m a girl.

iamozy wrote:
do talk to him, and don’t let him brush the topic aside as he’s bound to do. not because he’s a mean person or anything, just because from his point of view, he can’t see it as a big thing. but it is important to you, so don’t let it slide. you’ll be doing a disfavor to both of you if you try to ignore it. you’ll be hurt because it continues this way and you’ll be bottling it up until your doubt gets in the way of your relationship. and he won’t even know what he did wrong. so go ahead and give it a shot. and come back to tell us how it went! :)

I’ll try, I just need a way in which not to make him feel bad.

If you hate confrontation, do what I did: do what he does to you right back to him. It’ll show him you’re independent and show him what it feels like. It’s not exactly vindictive because it’s actually productive. It worked for me, Now my man and I are doing well, cause now he knows what it’s like.

I had tried telling him how I felt, but he dismissed my feelings, so I showed him what it was like to be me.

This may not be the route you want to take, but it does work.

Well I never said it to him. I was at his house yesterday and I just couldn’t. How would I even bring it up??

Say it when you are both in in the mood for talking. Didn’t you talk about stuff while you were in his house?

Just by saying I have had such a nice night then say I wish we could do it more often can you find more time for me maybe? Just kinda ease into it gently see his reaction before you mention how it’s upsetting you

Cakes said it well above.

You can also say ‘babe, i love it when you spend time with me, i feel appreciated and cared for, would we spend more time this week?’

O yeah lillies’ is better, you really need to take this approach rather that the negatve why don’t you spend time with me as this may just upset him. Sorry I think I may be repeating myself

Yeah you guys are right. I tried inviting him up to my house today because my parents are out, but he has studying to do. But next time I see him, I’ll say it to him.

*lilies wrote:
Say it when you are both in in the mood for talking. Didn’t you talk about stuff while you were in his house?

Not really, we mostly just joked around, we didn’t have that long because I had my volunteer work to go to.

if you can’t say it to his face, send him something small, like a text “we need to talk”. though that might sound a bit ominous. just say “i need to talk to you about something that’s been kinda bothering me”. if he really values you and your relationship, he will come to you and really be concerned and want to know what you have to say.

dont be so over possesive but he shud knw that u also need him.. ask him to meet for sometime… or u can b in touch thru fone.. u should also be undrstanding in relationship that gives space to ur relation…

A good boyfriend does not make you feel unsupported. He should be able to give you some attention. Balance.

I hope you have talked to him or i hope you two would be able to work things out.