Love help: I’m not sure what I should do about this guy I like. - Help.com

I’m not sure what I should do about this guy I like.

I met him at an anime (japanese cartoons) convention like 5 months ago. No one introduced us to each other, we just kind of like really hit it off, and I got his AIM. He seemed great: really physically attractive, intelligent, and our first few conversation topics were pretty deep. I was attracted to him from the beginning, so I was disappointed to see that he had a girlfriend. I figured maybe I could just wait and just go for friendship right now. For the next few months, we talked on aim every once in a while, but it didn’t really flow and he came off as distant, and I was nervous.
About two weeks ago we started IMing more often, and the conversations were progressively becoming much more natural and genuine. I think this is at least in part because I recently read some articles on how to successfully talk to guys you like, and I did this type of mind over matter technique, and got myself to totally relax and just treat him like a good friend. I really loosened up and got to show him who I am. We also talked on the phone once, which surprisingly wasn’t too awkward.
Then, a week ago, we were talking on AIM and he was upset. It turns out, he broke up with his girlfriend!! I was so shocked and excited. I tried to comfort him. Starting with that conversation, we have been getting along perfectly. I didn’t mean to hit on him so quickly, but we have been acting like we like each other since (it’s not quite flirting, cause it’s not as playful, its more like “I care about you” sort of stuff). I was worried because, of course, he just got out of a relationship and they were together for a year and a half. It just seemed like it was moving fast. I planned on trying to slow it down by giving him more neutral vibes rather than returning everything. I was like 95% sure he liked me, and I had sent some of my friends pieces of our conversation and they had the same opinion.
Then, today he said he “did a bad thing” … he got back together with his ex. I asked him why, and he determined — regretfully — that it was mostly out of the fear of being alone. He even apologized to ME at one point, which seemed kind of like he was saying “I know, we were about to get together and I just cut that off. I’m sorry” We discussed it, and I was being very unbiased. I consciously kept myself from trying to swing his feelings my way, because I don’t think thats right and it wouldn’t result in a good situation. He feels that his reason isn’t a good one to be with her. I gave him some unbiased advice, and told him that if he doesn’t think it’s right, then he needs to act according to what he believes and have the courage to face the uncertainty and fear of being alone. He agreed and decided to end it with his gf for good, and I tried to explain “don’t just do what I’m saying though. You need to make the decision yourself… Whats right for you.” It seemed like he was subtly trying to get me to tell him I’d be with him once he breaks up with her (that way he wouldn’t be worrying about loneliness).
Now, heres my conflict. I want to be with him, but at the same time I think he needs to have time to sort things out with himself. We’re going to be hanging out all weekend together at another convention (which was already planned) and I think something might happen, but I kind of feel like it’s a bad idea. I realize, especially with his fear of being alone, that he could be using me as fallout. I don’t really think he would do this consciously, especially because I know he respects me as a person, but in his fear he might be doing it without realizing it. But then again I feel like we’re compatible (and we’re both pretty picky, so thats rare) and I could see us having a successful relationship, so I can imagine why he would genuinely like me.
So how do I go about this without becoming fallout, but still hopefully getting to date him? I really don’t want to wait for a very long time, as I’ve been waiting for a while. Do you guys think that he… 1) is consciously using me for fallout so hes not lonely; 2) unconsciously using me for fallout; 3) Has some sincere feelings for me, but wants the relationship much more than he would normally because hes afraid of being lonely (part sincere, part using me); or 4) He genuinely likes me enough to date me, regardless of him being lonely, although it happens to be a convenient time to find me; 5) maybe he doesn’t even want to use me?! (lol) or maybe something else.

Thanks in advance for listening and offering your advice. You guys are awesome for being so helpful. =D

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 521, 9, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

exgirlfriend, Anime, Mind, ex-girlfriend, AOL Instant Messenger, ex, AIM, Relationships, being used, Fallout, loneliness, Love, boyfriend, dating (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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