Tzubake invited 17 users to read this post 1 year, 1 month ago.
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well it might not have been. if you say she’s shy, perhaps she was thinking about kissing you but she was afraid like you were about telling her how you felt. just take things slowly for now. talk to her and get to know her. it will help her feel safe and secure around you.
No it wasn’t the wrong decision at all. Also she said it was ok so next time you see her just act like it never happened. She seems really shy and so it may take time before she wants to kiss you if she likes you like you say so just chill out about it and don’t worry. Next time you see her a casual “Hello did you enjoy the party?” type line will help relax things a little and then well.. just keep throwing some parties and inviting her I guess :-)
Mother of Peace wrote:
you kissed her at the wrong time , you did mess up , hopefully you fixed it by apologizing .
Yeah I know.. I guess it’s just.. I’m tired of not taking chances with my life. I’m tired of holding myself back because I’m shy also. I wanted to take a risk and see where it went because what’s life without taking a small risk.. geh.. but obviously it wasn’t the right time.
daksha wrote:
well it might not have been. if you say she’s shy, perhaps she was thinking about kissing you but she was afraid like you were about telling her how you felt. just take things slowly for now. talk to her and get to know her. it will help her feel safe and secure around you.
She really is shy, I noticed when we were out with all my friends, about 15 of them and her she would be really quiet, but every now and then join in the conversation. She said she was having a lot of fun and everything and we would just look at each other and smile a lot and she’d just laugh and ask me what whenever she’d catch me looking at her. The whole reason why I wanted her to come out with us tonight was because a while ago apparently she broke up with her boyfriend or something I think over the summer and her circle of friends basically sided with him or something. I didn’t ask the details because I don’t need to know that. So now she feels like she has no friends and I didn’t want her to feel like that which was why I’m glad she came out with us. She said she wants to come out with us more often which made me glad because she enjoys the company of the people I hang out with too.
Spangle wrote:
No it wasn’t the wrong decision at all. Also she said it was ok so next time you see her just act like it never happened. She seems really shy and so it may take time before she wants to kiss you if she likes you like you say so just chill out about it and don’t worry. Next time you see her a casual “Hello did you enjoy the party?” type line will help relax things a little and then well.. just keep throwing some parties and inviting her I guess :-)
I guess you’re right. I don’t know about completely pretending like it never happened because I never really liked to do that. Maybe I’ll just wait awhile before bringing it up again or something. She has to come over here again at some point we never got to eat this chocolate cake we bought last night!
:-) Well there you go… I wouldn’t want to miss out on any chocolate cake .. that’s an excuse! I don’t think you messed up anyway and I gathered you were a bit shy too. My bf is shy though so nothing wrong with being shy. I am still a bit shy even at 29 years old :-) Anyway just take things slow with her and see how things go ok.
not the wrong thing to do, it was the right thing thing to do even though it didnt work out that one time. regret should be with the things we didnt do. she now knows and you never know it may still work out for you.
Life’s too short for regret of any kind.
i agree! we should do the things we want to do with all our haert and one day it will all work out and youll be glad you did.
That is one risk I would never let yourself regret. It was sincere, and you didn’t showed her how you felt. Kudos for having the guts.
MaVieEnJaun wrote:
That is one risk I would never let yourself regret. It was sincere, and you showed her how you felt. Kudos for having the guts.
* thats the correct grammer
Tzubake, you may be over-thinking the whole incident. Try to turn down the volume button on that magnificent brain of yours. “A kiss is just a kiss…” you know.
what’s life without the risks? I’m proud of you for taking the risk! Even if things didn’t work out this time, never give up. Just keep trying, whether if it’s with this girl or another one. One thing that I’ve learned is that people who don’t give up are the ones that make it, so just don’t lose hope. Who knows? maybe this girl is where you were in the summer, and she doesn’t want to get hurt again, and she’ll realize she made a mistake later on.
“Everything is ok in the end. If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end.”
Well good news everyone :) I hung out with her earlier today and things actually went pretty well. Didn’t bring up the kiss or w/e we just hung out and had a lot of fun today. She’s coming over later tonight again because I’m having a few people over just to hang out so I’m sort of looking forward to that. I’ll let you guys know how it goes haha.
It’s possible she likes you still…more than a friend but maybe she wasn’t prepared to take things to that level just yet. If she didn’t like ya, she woulda run screaming for the hills instead of hanging out with you again :)
Tzubake wrote:
Well good news everyone :) I hung out with her earlier today and things actually went pretty well. Didn’t bring up the kiss or w/e we just hung out and had a lot of fun today. She’s coming over later tonight again because I’m having a few people over just to hang out so I’m sort of looking forward to that. I’ll let you guys know how it goes haha.
Very cool… I’m sure it will all pan out fine… just take your time and as I said see how things progress.
Emily- Yeah I know what you mean. I was honestly surprised she called me to come pick her up. That’s how it lead to us hanging out pretty much all day and it was really nice. Every time I’m with her I just have so much fun and I really feel.. good like I forget about everything that’s happened.
Spangle- Yeah, tonight was a really fun night again. We just chilled out in my apartment with a bunch of other kids. It was really fun and we were partners for a few drinking games haha. I have so much fun with her and I mean I could tell she was having a good time too. Everyone says she’s into me, but I mean she hasn’t officially let me know yet so I think that tomorrow I’m just going to tell her how I feel straight and see where that takes us. I know she’s just getting over a break up pretty recently, but so am I so I mean.. we could help each other which I really enjoy the idea of. I didn’t try anything to night I just wanted to be.. genuine tonight I mean like I always am. I just didn’t want her to get the wrong idea because.. ever since I started to hang out with her like this.. she’s really grown on me. I’m really looking forward to seeing her next which makes me feel glad that I even feel like that and I just wonder if she feels the same way. That’s pretty much the reason why I’m going to let her know officially how I feel about her and from then it’s just in her court. The thing is I just really don’t want to make it awkward between us because I really like to hang out with her.
not the wrong desision at all. Your a guy who will express his feelings. Keep doing it, it seems to be rare now adays. Just bad timing.
Hey, now she knows, so next time she won’t feel so shy. And you won’t have to wonder if she likes you. Otherwise she would have taken the kiss-on-the-cheek as an opportunity to set the record straight.
I would suggest that you ask her out on a date for just the two of you.
Ahh, I see… We’ll talk on AIM!
So yeah, yesterday we hung out again. She and I actually cooked dinner together and it was really.. nice. I had a lot of fun and I mean I could tell she did too, plus she made a mean pasta sauce haha. In the end when we were alone and just talking I just came right out and said “I’m just going to stop beating around the bush because I think it’s pretty obvious that there are some feelings between us.” She just replied as a “yeaaaaaaahhh…” and she kinda laughed and looked embarrassed but that’s understandable. We talked about it and I just said how much I really enjoy being with her and in her company and how much fun I have with her and she said that she really has a good time when she’s with me too and I just said plus all of my friends really like her and well.. so do I.
She told me that she had just gotten out of a serious relationship and I was just like “oh believe me.. I know how you feel” and that I didn’t think I told her before but so did I, and I sort of told her a little, but not much, that I was just dating someone for a long while and it didn’t quite work out. She said that in her past relationships she tended to just jump into them heads first and she said that she really doesn’t want to do that again. I completely understood how she felt and I let her know that and she just said “I think it’s best for right now.. I mean.. I really like spending time with you but just for now I think it’s best to just.. keep it at the friends sort of level” which I really was all for and I just said “Yeah I mean I’m completely fine with that.. I just got sort of tired of not letting you know how I felt” and we sort of laughed and yeah.. then we wound up talking for about.. 3 hours straight after that about.. anything and the conversations never stopped. It was really nice.. haha cept for the fact that I wound up getting home at midnight and doing my laundry till really late. But yeah.. there’s an update to how things went haha..
Well it seems like you both have a really good friendship and she likes you and at least you got to tell her how you feel. It seemed the talk went well. It is understandable she wants some time after breaking up with someone. At least then you can both get to know each other even more and grow a close bond and well, yeah I’m happy it went well for you and her :-)
Yeah I mean.. I did just break up with my girlfriend of 6 years whom I almost married in July so I pretty much know how she feels. That’s why I completely understand where she’s coming from but at the same time I just wanted to let her know how I felt and I wanted to see where she stood on the matter too. It was nice being able to talk so long after we discussed that I mean.. like if someone were there listening to us they’d be like “man they NEVER SHUT UP!” hahha.
Awh! Tzu’s got a new love interest! And you said it would never happen. =P
I’m so happy for you, so glad that things are working out this way.
Oh goodness. I just can’t stop smiling now, because of how happy I am for you, you have no idea.
Okay, I’ll stop being a freak now and end the comment here. lol
It sounds to me like you have found a smart one. You and she can take it slowly and end up something very special. Listen and talk away the hours. Find out what she thinks about all manner of topics.
The two of you are already attracted to each other, so let’s find out if she is worthy of our guy, Tzubake.
kmichelle wrote:
Awh! Tzu’s got a new love interest! And you said it would never happen. =P
I’m so happy for you, so glad that things are working out this way.
Oh goodness. I just can’t stop smiling now, because of how happy I am for you, you have no idea.
Okay, I’ll stop being a freak now and end the comment here. lol
Haha well I mean it’s not like I didn’t believe I could find anyone again, it’s just.. I didn’t think that I could feel the same way about anyone anymore than I did with Brittany. This new girl’s name is Ash and I mean.. she’s really fun to hang out with.. but at this point.. it’s really sad to say but it’s just.. I like her but at the same time I don’t have that spark with her I guess.. but at the same time I would like to see where it would go. It’s really hard Kristie.. it really is.. and I don’t know when I’d be able to let my guard down, but at the same time she’s done nothing to me so I have faith in her thus far in everything.
c-eek wrote:
It sounds to me like you have found a smart one. You and she can take it slowly and end up something very special. Listen and talk away the hours. Find out what she thinks about all manner of topics.
The two of you are already attracted to each other, so let’s find out if she is worthy of our guy, Tzubake.
Yeah, she’s really smart and really artistic and creative too. I really like that about her and I really enjoy when someone has a passion for something because I admire that since for the longest time I grew up without having a passion for something specific. I really enjoy talking with her and actually tonight she invited me over for dinner again because she made too much for herself haha.. I was there for a good three hours and it was just.. I really enjoyed myself and I knew she did too because she rarely stopped smiling and laughing with me at what we were watching on tv or whatnot. It’s really hard.. but I really enjoy being just around her because I always seem to have a good time, even when nothing’s really being said. Ah well.. we’ll see where it goes. At this point I’m completely fine with taking it slow because honestly.. I really don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship.. but at the same time I don’t want to miss out on a really great opprotunity..
Tzubake wrote:
Haha well I mean it’s not like I didn’t believe I could find anyone again, it’s just.. I didn’t think that I could feel the same way about anyone anymore than I did with Brittany. This new girl’s name is Ash and I mean.. she’s really fun to hang out with.. but at this point.. it’s really sad to say but it’s just.. I like her but at the same time I don’t have that spark with her I guess.. but at the same time I would like to see where it would go. It’s really hard Kristie.. it really is.. and I don’t know when I’d be able to let my guard down, but at the same time she’s done nothing to me so I have faith in her thus far in everything.
I know what you mean, I was just giving you a hard time. =) I think you might be still hindering yourself from feeling that spark, maybe? as a sort of involuntary defense reflex? I could be wrong, but from what it sounds like there should be a spark or at least some sort of more-than-like feeling. =) And besides, you’ve only felt that for one person ever, Brittany was your first girlfriend and love. Its gonna be hard to remember how to start a relationship again. =) I know you’ve heard all this before but I figure it can’t actually hurt to hear it again. lol
Whatever you do, do NOT let yourself compare her to Brittany. I know it’s almost impossible, but you can’t do it. That is the one way to insure that you’ll never get over her and that you’ll never let your guard down. Just take it slow and become friends first. When you have a great friendship as a foundation, the relationships tend to last longer and are much better.
Just keep all what we here at help.com have told you over the past few months in mind and you’ll be just fine, Evan. It’ll be okay, alright? ♥
Haha it’s okay Kristie I know you were just playing around. I don’t know about the whole hindering myself I mean I guess I might be because I really don’t want to let myself be vulderable anymore or something.. At this point her and I got to talking pretty seriously last night and she’s been hurt a whole mess of a lot. Right now I’m just.. sort of scared of hurting her more than she needs deserves. She’s been hurt so much all ready and I just don’t want to hurt her anymore because I feel she’s on extremely fragile ground as it is. I know I’ve only felt love for one person in my life so far but it’s just.. really hard because I still don’t know if I’m capable of loving anyone else the way I loved Brittany. I feel like at this point I’m just going to be with someone just because we have fun and we enjoy each other’s company, not because we love each other so it would.. almost be an empty relationship. I haven’t compared her to Brittany.. I’ve more or less continued to contrast how different they are because Ash is nothing like Brittany at all. She’s a lot more mature and I really enjoy that about her.
We both have been hurt a whole heck of a lot apparently. However her story seems to involve a lot more complicated situations which I’ve barely scratched the surface but I appreciate that she’s even opened up to me that much. I’m going to ask her if she wants to grab some lunch with me tomorrow just so we can sit down and chat or whatever because this conversation took place over instant messenger and I didn’t feel like it was too personal. I’m still not really sure. I really don’t want to hurt her more then she has been and at the same time.. I don’t know if I’m ready to even be that person for her to count of with all this she has to deal with when I have my own things to get through.. Ugh.. I hope you’re right Kristie.. I hope everything will be all right..
By the sounds of it you need to take things slow too. I think she realises she could get hurt again which is why she was honest and open with you and said not yet. You will be completely over your ex in time. I know you don’t believe it but time really does heal. Just enjoy the friendship you and Ash have right now and take your time. You both aren’t pressured into feeling like you have to be in a full on relationship so it’s fine. You can both relax together, really get to know each other and take your time. You are both young so you have plenty of time. I think you are both mature for your age too so can deal with this stuff a lot more sensibly than most people. I really wish you happiness and hope it all goes well for you.
Oh I know I need to take things slow.. which is why I’m glad we aren’t anything at all right now. Yeah I know what you mean about the pressured relationship thing, I was thinking you know.. I’m not really looking for anything.. but at the same time I’m not looking for like a fling or something because that’s just not who I am and I don’t really know what she’s looking for at this point. There’s a part of me that doesn’t really want to bring anything up because I guess I don’t want to jepordize anything. I’m taking us out to a new sushi place to get something to eat in a little while once she lets me know I can pick her up and I’m looking forward to it. I made a joke last night to my roommates saying that I’ve seen Ash every day for the past two weeks which I think is kind of funny because most of the time I don’t even expect to run into her or see her or anything and it’s just.. nice I really like it. I want to get to know her more and I want to get to know basically.. what happened to her to make her the way she is and why she has such strong sentiments. It’s just hard because I have people telling me that I shouldn’t even think about bringing those things up which I just can’t understand because.. how am I supposed to get to know her then?
You can certainly bring it up. Remind yourself that it was an emotional situation for you (and still may be) so that may be why others are telling you to hold off on saying too much about it.
The important thing at the moment is to enjoy your time with her. Relate to her when you can and be a good friend.
It is obviously necessary to share how you feel and talk about your past a little bit. So don’t be scared to speak about it if you want.
It’s your decision :)
Tzubake wrote:
Oh I know I need to take things slow.. which is why I’m glad we aren’t anything at all right now. Yeah I know what you mean about the pressured relationship thing, I was thinking you know.. I’m not really looking for anything.. but at the same time I’m not looking for like a fling or something because that’s just not who I am and I don’t really know what she’s looking for at this point. There’s a part of me that doesn’t really want to bring anything up because I guess I don’t want to jepordize anything. I’m taking us out to a new sushi place to get something to eat in a little while once she lets me know I can pick her up and I’m looking forward to it. I made a joke last night to my roommates saying that I’ve seen Ash every day for the past two weeks which I think is kind of funny because most of the time I don’t even expect to run into her or see her or anything and it’s just.. nice I really like it. I want to get to know her more and I want to get to know basically.. what happened to her to make her the way she is and why she has such strong sentiments. It’s just hard because I have people telling me that I shouldn’t even think about bringing those things up which I just can’t understand because.. how am I supposed to get to know her then?
Tzubake, it sounds as if the two of you really get along so taking it slow is the way to go. I wish you well on your journey.
How are things going now, dear? ♥
kmichelle wrote:
How are things going now, dear? ♥
So things are going all right as of thus far. Haha the sushi was a bit pricey but I wasn’t just about to make her pay half the bill. We wound up going to a museum after because she wanted to get a stone at the gift shop and then on the way to the mall.. I kinda got us lost in Albany so we were driving for a little while haha but we made it. When I got home my roommates sort of teased me saying that we are totally dating after I told them what happened, but I sort of begged to differ. She made dinner for me that night because she felt bad that I spent so much on sushi haha.
We went out with my friends and everything on Saturday and it was really fun, we got pretty close and whatnot. Monday I stopped in at work to “take care of somethings” haha but it was really to visit her. I went around when she was going to get off work so we walked home together and she invited me up and we hung out together for a while. When I was about to leave she sort of whinned and said “oooooh but we’re having good conversation!” Then she started to play fight with me and she got all up in my face. It was funny, if I was brave enough I probably would have kissed her she was that close. When I got back to my apartment which is just like 2 minutes away from hers we wound up ordering in and I asked her if she wanted some and she said sure so she came over here and we watched something on my laptop that she needed to watch for a class.
Overall things have been going all right.. I actually asked her that night if she wanted to just start dating all ready because it’s been pretty apparent to either of us and everyone else that we have something. She told me she’s just not sure if she’s ready for a serious relationship and I said that I’m not looking for a serious relationship nor am I looking for a fling, but I figured why not take a chance because its obvious we have something. I gave her a day or so to think about it and I told her that I don’t bite, and she made a joke about how did I know she didn’t haha. I worked with her today and it wasn’t awkward at all or anything, but we didn’t talk about it. I hung out tonight with her for like 3 hours and we watched TV and just talked and I actually.. told her what happened between me and my ex because it just came up. I didn’t tell her all the details I basically told her that Brittany cheated on me with someone she doesn’t even know and I found out at Disney world because I proposed and when I was out in Chicago we broke up and then I told her all about the funny drama how this guy isn’t who he said he was this entire time. We had a good few laughs, I’m just afraid now that she’s going to look at me a little differently because of what I told her, but I hope not. Maybe she’ll just see it as a way to relate to me.. I hope.
I don’t think she’ll think of you differently. I may not be a great judge of character from this many miles away, but from what you’ve said, she sounds more mature than that, and she sounds like she’ll appreciate you telling her that, and it will be another thing you two share.
Just give it some more time, I could say. If you try and push it, she may get frightened and retreat behind a shell. I know it sounds like I’m referring to a pet turtle, but you know what I mean. =P
She sounds kinda shy, or maybe just cautious, so I would try to not make any outright moves. Cause, like I said before, you don’t want to scare this wonderful lady away. =P
Anonymous
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5 months, 2 weeks ago (7 months, 3 weeks after post)
I honestly don’t think you did the wrong thing at all. It wouldn’t be fair for you to wait any longer to find out how she feels, and you were right to take the initiative. A kiss on the cheek is especially harmless.
Give it time, and see if she responds. The ball is sort of in her court, but if you really like her, don’t necessarily give up on her. She may like you too.
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