Week help: I have a sever case of social anxiety. - Help.com

you dont need medication!

Before other people can except, you gotta except yourself first. Be urself!! be the outgoing, social, funny person that u can be! People will like you for who you are and will want to be around you.

Dont think soo much..just do it =)

Take.Ur.Time wrote:
you dont need medication!Before other people can except, you gotta except yourself first. Be urself!! be the outgoing, social, funny person that u can be! People will like you for who you are and will want to be around you.Dont think soo much..just do it =)

Yea that is the hard part; I am ALWAYS thinking and analyzing everything. How do you just stop thinking so much?

I use to kind of be like you.

I would always not say things because I’d be like..wow I cant say that, thats stupid. After awhile I just told myself that it wasnt worth it anymore. People will either love me or hate me. and I’ve found that being urself attracts people to you..It’ll help u find out who ur real friends are and also some new things about urself

I have similar problems; when I’m around people I just go blank and can’t think of anything to say. I know it’s tough but in time when you are close with people around you and have good relationships with friends you can hopefully let out the real you.

I’ve had similar problems myself. You worry so much about what other people think all the time and are so afraid of embarrassing yourself or appearing weird or offending or upsetting people that you can’t relax and be yourself. It’s hard when you can’t think of what to say and worrying about that can make you have more of a mental block. You worry about what you do say and then you worry about what you don’t say because you can appear unsociable.

It’s difficult but you have to focus on who you are and try to be more comfortable with talking about yourself or voicing an opinion. It’s ok to say what you think and you might find other people share the same views. Try talking one-to-one to start with if it’s easier. It can take a lot of willpower and you might even feel better afterwards. Take a while to listen to other people too and if you hear someone talking about something you’re interested in, have a conversation with them.

It’s worth it to keep trying. You can’t get on with everyone but you might find some people that you get on with and you’ll feel better for it. It’s better to try now rather than look back and regret not making more of an effort.

Guardian wrote:
I’ve had similar problems myself. You worry so much about what other people think all the time and are so afraid of embarrassing yourself or appearing weird or offending or upsetting people that you can’t relax and be yourself. It’s hard when you can’t think of what to say and worrying about that can make you have more of a mental block. You worry about what you do say and then you worry about what you don’t say because you can appear unsociable.It’s difficult but you have to focus on who you are and try to be more comfortable with talking about yourself or voicing an opinion. It’s ok to say what you think and you might find other people share the same views. Try talking one-to-one to start with if it’s easier. It can take a lot of willpower and you might even feel better afterwards. Take a while to listen to other people too and if you hear someone talking about something you’re interested in, have a conversation with them.It’s worth it to keep trying. You can’t get on with everyone but you might find some people that you get on with and you’ll feel better for it. It’s better to try now rather than look back and regret not making more of an effort.

That’s actually exactly how I feel; One on One conversations are the worst for me.

I had some friends for longer than 10 months and I am not still able to be myself; as I am always wondering what they will think of me etc….

But I will keep trying

I always found group conversations harder. “Just be yourself” is a cliche and not one I actually like to use, although it is true. You just have to be comfortable with yourself. You have interests and opinions. Some people will share them, others will not. It’s ok either way. There’s nothing wrong with being different. Find out more about people too. Ask people questions about themselves. That way you might find more common ground and that makes it a lot easier to talk.

Guardian wrote:
I always found group conversations harder. “Just be yourself” is a cliche and not one I actually like to use, although it is true. You just have to be comfortable with yourself. You have interests and opinions. Some people will share them, others will not. It’s ok either way. There’s nothing wrong with being different. Find out more about people too. Ask people questions about themselves. That way you might find more common ground and that makes it a lot easier to talk.

Yeah, that’s where the over thinking comes into play, When I am asking someone questions about themselves. I stop because I think I am being to invasive into their life and stufff.

Hmm. I constantly over-analyse too. We should be asking less questions of ourselves… :) It’s fine to ask questions although you should probably avoid personal questions unless you know people really well. Asking about interests, work and family is ok. It’s a bit of a balance though. However, if you share a bit of information about yourself then you can add “What about you?” on the end. If you trust people with information about yourself then they’ll be more willing to share information with you. You could always ask if you’re disturbing someone or being too intrusive, that would show a caring side and make people warm to you more easily.

Guardian wrote:
Hmm. I constantly over-analyse too. We should be asking less questions of ourselves… :) It’s fine to ask questions although you should probably avoid personal questions unless you know people really well. Asking about interests, work and family is ok. It’s a bit of a balance though. However, if you share a bit of information about yourself then you can add “What about you?” on the end. If you trust people with information about yourself then they’ll be more willing to share information with you. You could always ask if you’re disturbing someone or being too intrusive, that would show a caring side and make people warm to you more easily.

Yea, I dont have the problem where people dont warm up to me because many people I know just tell me about themselves. I just have a hard time responding because I dont want to sound like an idiot and i over analzy and when i do finally decide to say it, the conversation has already went on.

Also, I think one reason i try to stay away from person things is because I can not remember anything from my childhood at all. It seems like I have forgotten anything from the 6th grade and back. (so that maybe a reason I hate personal questions because I am afraid they might ask something from that time period and I wont be able to answer it)

I have a big issue with being “perfect”, I guess I might be so worried about being the person everyone else wants me to be, I’ve lost sight on who I really am….

I haven’t really done a lot with my life up to now. As a result, because I’ve spent so many days just doing mundane and uninteresting things or going through the same routine, I don’t have many exciting or fun memories - nothing much stands out. Therefore I don’t have experiences from my past to draw from and talk about. Yes, it does make you lose your sense of identity after a while.

I bet you don’t challenge yourself very much do you? I too am a perfectionist. I stay very much within my comfort zone because of a fear of failure. Yet despite worrying so much about being perfect, I’m not happy, I’m not perfect. I’m not the person I think other people would like me to be either. It’s a shame you can’t buy confidence and assertiveness. That’s why I’m saying you have to focus on your interests, your family and your opinions. Work out what you like doing and what you believe in. I’ve spent too many years like this. The earlier you can start working on changing things the better. So you might mess up along the way. It’s ok to make mistakes. It’s a far bigger mistake to stay in the rut and wonder later why you wasted so much of your time like this.

Guardian wrote:
I haven’t really done a lot with my life up to now. As a result, because I’ve spent so many days just doing mundane and uninteresting things or going through the same routine, I don’t have many exciting or fun memories - nothing much stands out. Therefore I don’t have experiences from my past to draw from and talk about. Yes, it does make you lose your sense of identity after a while.I bet you don’t challenge yourself very much do you? I too am a perfectionist. I stay very much within my comfort zone because of a fear of failure. Yet despite worrying so much about being perfect, I’m not happy, I’m not perfect. I’m not the person I think other people would like me to be either. It’s a shame you can’t buy confidence and assertiveness. That’s why I’m saying you have to focus on your interests, your family and your opinions. Work out what you like doing and what you believe in. I’ve spent too many years like this. The earlier you can start working on changing things the better. So you might mess up along the way. It’s ok to make mistakes. It’s a far bigger mistake to stay in the rut and wonder later why you wasted so much of your time like this.

Well, I do challenge myself some but I never finish it. For example I want to be an lawyer and possible enter the FBI or Secret Service field. I spent weeks filling out a 50 page (application) for an internship with the SS and when I had an interview they said it was a good chance I would be in just bring my application back. The only thing I could think about was “good chance” it was not definite so I just never brought my application back (because I feel better if I reject something than if I am rejected)..

Were you able to change this overnight or did it take a while? I am really gonna try working on that because at my age I have had many chances to do things but my social anxiety and I guess my fear of failure has prevented me from doing those things…

That could be a positive. It’s good to have a goal or something that you want to do. Some people, like myself, don’t know what they want to do. I think you should reapply for the SS. There’s not many certainties these days anyway so if they thought you had a good chance before, that’s great! Look, what have you got to lose by trying again? - even if they said no you’re no worse off than you are now. You say you want to try and change so why not give it another go?

Your mind can be your own worst enemy - you know you’re holding yourself back. If you worry so much about what other people think, send them the application and let them decide! :) Have a bit of confidence in yourself and go for it! Even if they do say no, try again, look at alternatives - make something of yourself! Once you have self-respect then others will respect you more too!

I have to admit that I’m still a work-in-progress and I should probably take more of my own advice. The theory is a lot easier than the practice. I am trying though.

Guardian wrote:
That could be a positive. It’s good to have a goal or something that you want to do. Some people, like myself, don’t know what they want to do. I think you should reapply for the SS. There’s not many certainties these days anyway so if they thought you had a good chance before, that’s great! Look, what have you got to lose by trying again? - even if they said no you’re no worse off than you are now. You say you want to try and change so why not give it another go?

Your mind can be your own worst enemy - you know you’re holding yourself back. If you worry so much about what other people think, send them the application and let them decide! :) Have a bit of confidence in yourself and go for it! Even if they do say no, try again, look at alternatives - make something of yourself! Once you have self-respect then others will respect you more too!

I have to admit that I’m still a work-in-progress and I should probably take more of my own advice. The theory is a lot easier than the practice. I am trying though.

Yea, it is easier than it sounds; But i am continuing to try

Good. Let’s both try and hopefully we can be a bit happier and not worry so much. :)

Guardian wrote:
Good. Let’s both try and hopefully we can be a bit happier and not worry so much. :)

Great, hopefully the happiness will be soon.