You need to have a heart to heart with your dad!
We’ve spent hours… and hours… and hours… but i feel like all I hear is “I believe what I believe and it’s wrong and you’re wrong. I love you, and you’re my son, but that part of your life is something I am going to deny and ignore for the rest of my life.”
He’s very stubborn.
well your family is your dad and your blood. you cant and should not try to force them to accept your lover/partner/husband wife. think about this there are plenty of people out there whos families dont like there son inlaws and daughter inlaws. talk to everyone in your family seperate. see what the general feeling is about it. also try to have a get together in which you invite everyone…. let them know you will be there with your new partner, see who shows.
Well, over time, I have been feeling more and more that your family is not necessarily the people related to you. My mom’s side of the family (and my partner’s family) all accept us. My dad is from a very small, very tightly-knit farming community, and he simply doesn’t accept, nor does any of his family.
Perhaps if you tried telling him subtly about the nice times you are having at other family functions with the family that accepts both you and your partner he would see that he’s missing out in time. Just plant that seed of thought in his mind. It’s worth a go, can’t hurt.
That’s too bad that he is so stubborn, he truly is missing being more of a part of your life, and for what? Seems so silly in the larger picture.
I’ve thought about that. In fact, his sister is coming to see me next weekend, and eventually I’m hoping my stepsister (his adopted daughter) will come see this place too.
It was funny cuz I told him I bought a house and he was thrilled, and then I revealed I wasn’t alone here and he flipped out. I dunno. It just seemed strikingly amusing that he thought I bought a (fairly expensive) house by myself. Then I asked if he’d ever come see it or visit and he said no, but that I should send him pictures. It’s very bizarre sometimes.
He may come around, who knows. It is a shame though. Well, on the bright side, atleast you do talk and have others who seem amazingly supportive and a part of your lives.
Send him the pictures, be sure and send him some of you smiling and happy. I do hope he sees how he is being so stubborn and losing out on what could be a better relationship with his son.
I also thought about doing like, a christmas letter or something with my partner and I and sending it out. I don’t want to be obnoxious, and I don’t want to pick fights with him… but I feel like there has to be at least one big fight where I force him to see pictures of [partner] and I before we’ll ever be able to really function normally. Does that make any sense?
Perfect sense and I think if you do it in a way that is classy yet unmistakable it will have the intended effect.
Why not? You have nothing to be ashamed of and it sounds as though you both need to get it all out and on the table. I say go for it.
The lamest part is… this has been going on since I was like 17. It’s like a horrible cycle. A lot of the time I lose some hope and feel like I’m never going to be able to break it without cutting him out. But that thought tears me up inside. Half of me wants to be perfectly satisfied with the loving family I do have. It’s not like they’re lacking, or my life is lacking… But my dad is so important to me, and I love him, so that’s why it hurts so much more. I find myself doing things just to gain approval, and I always end up disappointed.
Well it isn’t easy, I know from experience. I had to cut ties with my family but for different reasons.
I’m sure he loves you very much and is just having a very hard time accepting who you are, which isn’t right, unfortunately there isn’t a whole lot you can do about it besides accept him for who he is and love him anyway. If that is what you want or if you can, I imagine it’s painful. Maybe he can learn through you that unconditional love truly is unconditional.
Don’t do things to gain approval, be yourself and be proud of who you are. The more you accept yourself the less his acceptance will mean to you and perhaps it will make all the difference. Know what I mean?
That’s perfectly stated. I’m spending too much energy waiting for his approval when I have a lot going for me right now.
Exactly and when it comes down to it, we can only control ourselves. Don’t let his lack of approval hold you back or hinder the great life you have. You have a whole lot to be proud of and happy about.
Teacherguy~ this is YOUR life, not your Dad’s life. You only live once and life is precious and short. You deserve to live the way in which makes YOU happy, not what makes everyone else happy.
Congratulations on owning your 1st home with your partner! Enjoy yourself! Be proud and live your life they way you want with no regrets.
Your family will except as much as they want and when they can. Just let them know where you are at in your life and remember atleast your mom and dad deserve after raising you not to be made upset by you. If they dont want him around just let them know that it upsets you and let it stay at that. live your life just know that not everyone can not always be made happy by you all the time. dont hurt anybody on purpose but dont let your dad force you into living in pain everyday.
littlenick
MrRodneyLong
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