talk help: ok so i found my father and i dont no what to do im so scared. - Help.com

Could you explain more? Maybe if we had more details it would be easier to help.

Do you want to see him again, or do you want to move on with your life? It’s your choice. If you don’t want to see him again, try to ignore it and move on with your life as best you can, otherwise, if your curious enough then you can get in contact with him, but if he was abusive I would be very careful how you decide to move on. I just think if it’s been 10 years, he’s probably not a threat anymore, and I suggest you try to move on despite the painful memories.

Something that worked for me was planning it out. HAve what you want to say written down, plan out how you want to react to the more obviouse ways he could react, and do it in a public place and be willing to walk away. Also, plan to debrief with a few trusted friends.

Sounds like a lot, but even though I’m a grown man, I was so scared. I did it and it was a big win for me, gave me a lot of freedom.

Ok that’s a rant about me. Whats your concern? That hes still claiming you as his? Yout say “he has a whole family” but that’s just on paper right? Its a bit sad, but maybe hes grown.

wanting to have a relationship with your father is more than normal. but having a relationshipp with a father that has an abusive past is alil tricky you have to be strong enouph to put boundries and limits for your relationship. Try it out…why not? if you think that you have the strentgh to stay safe and maintain those boundries it would a wonderful fullfilment for that part of your life.
I would suggest however that you dont give him any personal information about u like where you live, go to school, work, your partner’s full name….just stuff like that…remember he has to earn your trust and you deserve to have him work hard to have a relationship with you. Take your time with him, take it slow and I hope that it works out. But please remember to keep your guard up and look for all of the red flags incase he is still abusive….Good luck and God Bless

ok so its me again just with a different account so i just wanted to say thank you all for your love an support…

this is what i did….

i created a new mail account and sent him an email poseing as a friend of mine… i sent that email 2 days ago and still no reply… i just said that i knew his daughter and wanted to know if he was willing to talk to her…. and still no reply…

was that appropriate???

Don’t worry about appropriate, worry about consequences. If you want a layer of anonymity between yourself and an possible abusive father, that’s a good way to do it. It might make it harder ( or easier ) for him to know how to respond, but you have given him a chance, more than many give.

All the best, and let us know how it goes.

he never wrote back… i think i should just let him go… lol its over lol

thanks for all your help

well, at least now you know.

Your welcome, it also helped me in my planning to see my dad.

well im glad i helped you out as well

good luck!!!!