Love help: I’ve been with an amazing guy for the past year and a half. - Help.com



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I’ve been with an amazing guy for the past year and a half.

We get along great and he’s very sweet, kind and loving. However, I find myself wanting to change a certain aspect about him. He’s overweight, which doesn’t bother me, but I find myself wanting to change his eating habits. He eats alot of red meats and just alot of in general and I’m just concerned about his health. His grandfather died at 60 from diabetes and his father had gastric bypass but still suffers from CHF and other issues from being obese. Being a nurse and seeing patients die at a young age from poor lifestyle choices concerns me about his lifestyle even more. I’ve tried talking to him about how i’m concerned about his health and it’s important to eat right, etc. but he always gets upset and takes it as me saying that he’s inadequate for me. I love him to death but now i’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t be with him if I want to change him. I feel like he deserves a girl that doesn’t want to change one thing about him. He always tells me he doesn’t know what he’d do without me if I ever left him and that concerns me. Please help.

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 172, 4, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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death, Diabetes mellitus, obesity, red, concerned, Love, nurse, girl, meat, health (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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mselizabeth offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (19 minutes after post)

Love always wants the best for the beloved. You arent trying to change him as a whole to be a different person. You are only trying to share how you feel about his poor eating habits that could lead him to terrible health consequences. Yes love is accepting the person, except if that part of the person is harmful to himself or to others then how can you not act out of love by being concerned?

Its not that he is being inadequate. Part of a loving relationship is desiring the better good for one another. You are not forcing him to change, you are only stating your concern out of love. If you did not love him you would not even mention that. If he heeds your plea, im sure eventually he will appreciate you more knowing that he has gained himself self-control and feels much more adequate that before.

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Da⌐11 offline Verified User (1 year, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (30 minutes after post)

This is one of those things where its ok to want to change him. Like smoking as well. Eating to much and unhealthy or smoking as well as a few other bad habits; aren’t personality traits where your boy friend wouldn’t be the same person any more if he where to change. He would be the same person only more healthy.

So there is nothing wrong with you wanting to help him change. So that part is solved.

Now how you help him change is a different story. While its perfectly fine for you to want him to be more healthy; it wouldn’t do to nag him about it, as that is not the proper way to get someone to change. Im not saying you are doing this, but if you are you should stop.

If it means that much to you, what you should do is take an active role in his diet. If your not the cook in the relationship perhaps you should think of becoming the cook in the relationship. If you aren’t living together now, you will be living together once you are married. Also you can be the one to buy the groceries in the relationship. If you only have healthy food around and you only cook healthy food; then by and large that’s all he’ll have to eat. Of course you will also have to appeal to his tastes – so that will be your challenge finding foods that are healthy that also appeal to him.

Remember there is nothing wrong with red meats, it’s the portions and frequency that people eat them that is the problem. So if he like read meats, then cook him that, just cook him a small portion and then bulk it up with other things.

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thisis_min offline Verified User (1 year, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (2 hours, 16 minutes after post)

well i would say that your not trying to change him you are trying to help him and that means you truely do love him. millions of people need to change there eating habits me included and its hard and he is probably scared but somewhere in there he knows that your right. probably why he says that he wouldnt know what to do without you

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IDon'tEverQuit offline Verified User (1 year, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 196 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (3 hours, 27 minutes after post)

You love him and you are concerned about him. there is nothing wrong with that. Tell him that you love him the way he is, that he’s perfect to you, you just worry about him because of his eating habits. You love him and he loves you so why leave him?

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