Love help: help i am in an unhealthy relationship and and I feel trappe - Help.com

It would help us understand you more if you care to elaborate your situation.

I understand your desire to help them. My hubby is also substance dependent and i have tried to help him for many years. But you know, the effect of drugs - behavioral changes like paranoia, high temper, etc got him detained in jail and still i continued to help. I wondered and prayed how long will i have to keep helping him and how much strength, not to mention resources (since i felt i was doing all the work) i had left.

This drove me to seek counseling from a priest. He recommended Healing the 8 stages of life workshop by the Linns, due to my wounded childhood memories. Now after that I attended Co-dependents Anonymous.

Firstly i would suggest you seek counseling for yourself first. Because in order for you to be able to help him, you need to detach. I do not say leave, that will be up to you to discern with a mature person. For me i found love, healing and acceptance from other Catholic Christians. I gained more confidence knowing that many people prayed for me and my husband’s recovery & deliverance from drugs.

If you continue to stay and help him without seeking your own personal help at the same time, you will be acting out in an ENABLING BEHAVIOR that ‘enables him to continue his addictive behavior’ instead of helping him to break down his denial that he needs to seek help.

We all know drug dependents need to seek professional help, especially you are talking about a whole family, not just one individual. You are going in for a battle, and you would need all the power and help from Above. In my experience, it is a very difficult one, but it is possible for him (or them) to recover, only by the grace of God. It is not impossible, but you must seek help from other people too.

If he is no longer in denial, you might want to help him to enter into a rehab center or at least a counselor. You can find one in Narcotics Anonymous while you join also Co-dependents Anonymous. Family support is important on a dependent’s recovery. But since you say his family is taking drugs too, he might have a negative mindset about it and accepts it as it is.

It is a very crazy life with a drug dependent, because not only the behaviors are on extremes, but because of our attachment to them, we want to help them so much and the effect could be towards the opposite of making things worse.
You could lose your sanity if you do not detach and seek help.

Firstly before he was ever your bf, he is a child of God whether or not you (or even himself) believes in that. He was not an accident. Jesus is the Savior, not you.

If you will believe in a Higher Power that loves your bf way more than you do, then you can let go and trust your Higher Power (my higher power is God btw) that He can save your bf.
When i continued seeing my priest-counselor, I was able to entrust my husband to God, as how I understood Him. Because I felt the Father’s love, and I knew He cannot just let my hubby go. I am in peace now because God has been working in our lives and its just something i cannot give the credit to anybody else but God.

I was told by an NA counselor that drug dependents must be rehabilitated if they pose danger to themselves or to others.

Hope this helps. Find a group who can be your support system:
http://www.coda.org/foundation-docs-1…

It seems your participation has been enabling them to continue their habit for a while now. That is why you are being blamed when things dont go their way. Be careful because the behavior can be passed on to other people. I was a nervous wreck then and only felt comforted when i am in the presence of people who shared the same faith.

Going to a Co-dep meeting will help you gain courage and knowledge how to deal with them. Drug dependents are very manipulative and obviously you have been manipulated to do what they want..or else (threats here). This is something we must understand as the effect of the drugs.

You are not talking to the person - YOU ARE TALKING TO THE DRUGS. Its the drugs that is talking. Thus it wont make sense to try convincing them now because they will just twist things. I honestly feel going to Codep would help you cope and eventually if you are still really keen, even help them seek recovery from drugs. But at this point, as you said they think they have no problem, you cannot really help them.

You are powerless over other people - you can only control yourself.
Do not give him that power to manipulate you. Let go and take care of yourself first. You cannot give what you do not have. Then after maybe you will be able to help him, by not being an enabler.

Im glad you believe in your God, and do step out in your faith because that is what got me through. This is an opportunity that God is using to strengthen your faith. I dont know what His specific plan is for you, but surely it is a future full of hope.

The enemy of our faith is FEAR. It will keep eating up your faith until you feel you have to do it all by yourself. And we cannot do it by ourselves. God will do for us what we cannot do on our own.

Of course its scary. Because you have no control over them.
This is a control thing - you want to control them and they want to control you.
That is why you need to leave it to your Higher Power - who is your HP? How reliable is your HP? My HP specializes in lost souls ;)

Admitting it is the first step. You are actually aware of your own codependent behavior and have overcome the denial :) . Congratulations, girl!
The next step is to go to the codependents website i pasted above and search for a sponsor (someone who’s been there and done that, and can be there for you to call in every trying moments).

You cannot give what you do not have. Take care of yourself first. Then let go and let God. He loves your bf more than you do, that i can assure.

Accept what?

aweee thats sadd lmao!! i reallee do thik iht is dumb that he is tryna call thee police on you!! when your doing everything!! butt thats ohkayy you will get through iht! if he is like that than juss leave he aint worth iht!!

you know watt i mean like if my bf was tryna kill himself if i left i know it would be hard but i doupt that he will do iht! why would he wanna end his life juss cuz yuh walked away!! realle i would leave or go to the police and get help also/or juss talk to him and his mom/dad and work something out!