life help: Last night my mom told me about my real father. - Help.com

Don’t feel bad for being upset. Have you been under the impression your step father was your father this whole time?

No, he has only been my dad since I was 4

Okay you have a right to be at least a little upset, and it doesn’t sound like you felt that way for long. You need to just find out what to do now. A father is an important part of anyone’s life, whether they are there or not. But you don’t have to involve him. Do you feel the urge to?

Yes.. but at the same time.. I don’t want to..

Well, it’s a very emotional time–that’s understandable. You just need a little time to get used to finding out things that you have always wanted to know. Know you know.

You say you don’t know what to “do,” but, really, you don’t need to DO anything, at least not right away. Some day you might want to write your birth father a letter, or ask your mother to help you arrange a meeting, but you can decide that later. Take your time.

Don’t be angry at your mother, though–I’m sure she did what she thought was best for you.

I’m not angry or upset with her. I don’t like that she kept it from me, that’s all.

Anonymous wrote:
I’m not angry or upset with her. I don’t like that she kept it from me, that’s all.

I’m glad you’re not angry. You will probably go back and forth a lot in your feelings. Just remember that it would not be easy, from her viewpoint, to figure out what is the best thing to do. There is no obvious, easy answer. I am sure she loves you very much, and she made her best guess about the right way to handle things. She is probably quite emotionally shaken at the moment, too.

Good luck to all of you … you should all be fine.

How old are you now?

15

You’ll have a lot of decisions to make regarding this. It’s good you aren’t looking at this with anger, you’ve passed over what is for many the hardest part of acceptance in these manners. Just trust yourself and do what makes you happy.

Don’t feel bad about being upset. I think you are dealing with this in a grown up manner. You should be proud of yourself. I like Mandolin’s advice. Just trust yourself and do what makes you happy

Do you think I should ask to meet my father? I kind of want to. I don’t know if I’m ready though. My mom kept me out of school today she was so worried that I wasn’t able to handle it. And that’s just school..

Well, the decision is really yours… but if you’ve never known the guy, and your step-father has been there for you since 4 years of age… your step-father IS your father.

I think you should take some time to think about it. Don’t rush into a meeting. Give it a few months, and see how you feel.

Meanwhile, drop the melodrama and go to school. Don’t make yourself an invalid over this. Nothing has changed in your life. You just learned a fact about it that you did not know before. You should not stop living your life. Go to school, do your studies, participate in your chosen activities, enjoy your friends, love and respect your mom and stepfather, and take some time to think.

Eventually, you’ll know whether you want to pursue a relationship with your biological dad.

Good luck, hon.

I just met a possible dad and he is going to get a dna test done soon. :-) I have had a dad since I was three and he has been more than I could ever ask for; however, my biological dad seems cool and he has three daughters that would be my only sibilings. I think this is going to be a great experience for all of us, at least I am going to try my best to make it one. He just learned about me after 29 Years. He lives about a 1000 miles away from me, but I still hope for the best…..Good luck to all of you out there like me.