Family help: My mom passed away abt a year ago, and the pain of losing her stil remained fresh. - Help.com

I can relate, a loved one of mine passed about four years ago and I have been a mess tonight. No alcohol, just upset. My folks are alcoholics though.

Have you and the family had any grief counseling hon ? it sounds as if after a year,your not finding within yourselves the emotional tools you need to come to terms with her death. Your Mum must have been a very special lady thats for sure, losing a Mum is very hard, I lost mine too.

Was it a sudden death hon, or a long illness ?

She’s been transported to various hospitals over some misterious illness,that was the hardest moment for the family. been hospitalized for abt 6 months b4 her death. docs only found out her illness after she passed away.. kinda angry abt that.

Alcohol is a depressant, and I think Dad needs to find other ways to deal with this, it would help him to get some help Id say. … yes you see, from what you’ve just said you watched her suffer not knowing what was wrong either. Grieving has so many stages before you come to Acceptance with some people it can take longer that others, simply because they cant find the right emotional tools to deal with it. Dont be afraid to ask for help hon, its out there, the drinking wont help, if anything it will make it worse and he will become dependent on it to take his sorrow away. Im so sorry, I know how very hard it is for you both. ))))hugs

You have been suffering for long. It’s time to talk from heart to heart with your father.
You may not be able to move on by yourself, nor your father. You need to cooperate.

I think for Dad its a case of not being able to let go, how long were they married ?

The thing I did when my Mom died, we kept her with us, put her pictures out, remembered all the old times we had with her, the laughs, past Christmas’s, talk about her with Dad, keep her in your hearts,you will come to a point where you Accept her death, things will then get easier for you both. Talking about her, and keeping her alive in your hearts will help a lot.

They’v been married for 26 years i think…come to think of it, she been dad’s best friend since ever.For dad, remembering the old times is not a good idea for d moment.I kinda pity stepmom since she’s stuck in between dad’s dilemma. Having her as my stepmom is a blessing in disguise. Sasha101..thanks so much 4 d advice =)

Your welcome hon, keep an eye on Dad though, that’s a long time together and Im sure he’s very sad and hurt. Try to persuade him to seek help hon, he’d do better not to let that drinking take hold on him. Call me stupid, but I still talk to my Mums picture :-)

Hey, I feel for you. A year is nothing in the grief journey - especially at this end of it. The pain never really leaves us, but it changes over time and we learn to deal with it in a different way. It does soften, but for some can take a very long time. 12 months … is really nothing at all.

Keeping yourself is helpful in the sense that it’s a distraction while your heart is healing.

Depression is something to be weary of, they call it the silent sickness. It can be there and we don’t know who/why/where it came from, and we don’t see it either. We just feel rotten and low, and have trouble trying to be happy - and just can’t understand why it’s so hard to be happy.]

I felt depressed for at least 12 months after losing my Mum (and I’m a grown up adult). At times it’s just easier to cry than smile. I still wish she was around and it’s years now.

You will get stronger, focus on doing good things for yourself - you don’t need any excuse as to why. Sorry about your Dad. Even though remarried, yes, he will still grieve for your Mum. It’s a place in his heart for her that is hers alone, and that will have in it love and laughter, pain and tears from time spent together. His heart has another place for his new wife that place is hers. But he still has business to do in his heart regarding your Mum and it won’t just vanish because he has remarried.

You sound like a great daughter, I hope you guys have the chance to hang out and have some good times together.

Hugs.

I hope he