Feeling help: Okay, here goes, I have been accused of being to nice, apparently, I let people walk all over me (like my boss, for instance). - Help.com

Before you tell somebody something that sounds alittle strong, say something like “im not trying to sound/be rude, I just want you to understand from a different angle”.

But still be respectful though, even if after you say something that someone dosen’t like, if they are rude to you, still maintain your calm, although it’s not always easy.

The key is looking at it as though you are not responsible for their feelings, because in reality, you aren’t!

Be compassionate, be respectful but remember that you have rights as well. Don’t allow others to stomp all over your rights due to a fear of hurting their feelings, what about yours? Do they value you? Why would you give them such liberties when it is apparent they don’t give a hoot about your feelings?

It’s an incredibly hard thing to do but just take it one “no” at a time and start standing up for yourself. After all, who is going to take care of you?

Exacly Miss Enigma!

We have a responsiblity to ourselves in the fact that we are responsible for how we react but we should never own someone elses perception or feelings towards us. That’s for them to bear.

Simply put, let your yes be yes and your no be no. You do not owe anyone any explanation. And stop letting people twist your rubber arm so to speak. If you don’t want to, don’t feel comfortable is against your moral fibre, then do not be cohersed, conned, talked into, or gently lead.

If you want that raise, simply tell your boss your credentials and why you think you deserve the raise and use your job details and requirements and your work speak for itself.

There is such a thing as doing nice things and being nice in the sense that you like to help others but do not allow yourself to be someone else’s doormat.

If you aren’t used to saying no, get used to saying it. People won’t hate you for that word and it isn’t a bad one. It can be quite helpful in getting what you want or helping you keeping away what you don’t want.

but with that said, compromise, weigh the pros and cons to a situation, again with your job. If your boss can’t or refuses to give you a raise… would it be beneficial for you to look for another job in the meantime? Would it be worth starting at a new company? With the economy as it is, would it be fair to DEMAND a pay raise? Think about your options before you speak up.

The problem is right there in your question: You confuse “nice” with “passive.”

It is possible to be as nice as you want without being passive.

There are plenty of assertive people who are very, very nice.

Try becoming more assertive one small step at a time.

For instance, next time someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, say, “No.”

Don’t water down the “no” by saying “I wish I could” or “If I had the time, I would do it,” or anything like that.

Like if someone says, “Would you consider swapping parking spaces with me while I am pregnant so I don’t have as far to walk?” and IF you don’t want to do that, just say, “No.”

DON’T say, “No, I got that parking space because of a medical condition,” or “No, I think exercise is good for pregnant women,” or anything else. Just no, I won’t. Or, better yet, “No, I like parking near the door.”

Say this pleasantly, without meanness or indignation, AND without being apologetic. And then change the subject, making it clear that you are giving an answer, not agreeing to initiate a debate.

More mini-assertions:

Your son asks you to pass the remote. You say, “No, I’m watching this show.”
Your skinny dinner partner suggests you share a dessert. You say, “No, I want a whole slice of pie.”
A stranger on the phone asks you to solicit your neighbors for charitable donations. You say, “No, I don’t do that.”

Once you’ve asserted yourself on a couple of little things, it will get easier to speak up for yourself on bigger things.

Remember: You can still be “nice.” And you can also still say “YES”—but only when you WANT to.