Love help: do you ‘feel’ my story? - Help.com

do you ‘feel’ my story?

im trying my hand at writing. i have tryed and failed before i get stuck or i feel its no good. id love if you could read this short and tell me what u think what i should change, but mostly i can see this in my head when you read it can you?

A large , towering oak tree stands in the far end of the darkest forest. clawing up at the sky with its pointed twisted twigs that grow from un-welcoming branches, cackling in and creaking in the wind.. A cruel and hateful tree angry at the world and all dear to live in it.
At the bottom of this tree among the mass of roots and fallen slimy, sticky leafs there lives a fairy. A small fairy .no bigger then a pine cone , in shabby clothes with tangled long dark hair and pale moon light white skin. Bell.

please dont hold back i would much rather you told me everything that is wrong with it then you not say anything bad to be polite. thanks

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 131, 7, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post hope02 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. hope02 is a verified member, has been around for 1 year and has 33 posts and 166 replies to their name.

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Moon, Fairy, tree, light, Love, Hair, Skin, clothing, forest, writing (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (7)

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X_GC_X offline Verified User (2 years) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Hexham, I7, GB | 1 year ago (8 minutes after post)

Hmm… I’ve got to say that the lack of things like capital letters is slightly offputting when trying to critique a piece of writing. By leaving those out, it makes it seem rushed and uncared for.

It seems alright now, though, though I’d advice you to just read and re-read it over and over… most of the time when I write I have to do this at least 5-times before I’m happy.

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IDon'tEverQuit offline Verified User (1 year, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 194 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (8 minutes after post)

I like it a lot. It’s good.

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Good ole boy offline Verified User (2 years, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 11 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (10 minutes after post)

well, its very creative to say the least. i like the discriptive words you used for the tree and how it was clawing at the sky. readers enjoy a vivid story. they have to be able to visualize the setting and every detail as if it were right before there very eyes. nice work.

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hope02 offline Verified User (1 year) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (26 minutes after post)

i should of sorted out the grammer and spelling before osting it but meh.i like the tree but i feel it outsines the main pont my fairy and as this is my opening should i hold back a bit? or maybe i just havent done as well on bell and i dont know how to lift her off the page. any ideas?

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X_GC_X offline Verified User (2 years) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Hexham, I7, GB | 1 year ago (30 minutes after post)

I wouldn’t hold back on the tree, but I’d suggest after that put a lot of description around the actions of the fairy. This is usually better then a lot of description without movement.

It all depends on where you take it form here :)

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hope02 offline Verified User (1 year) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (43 minutes after post)

the reason for the possable over description is that i want the whole book to be a bit dark, actions are honestly quite hard for me towork with but ill keepthat in mind and try it and as for whats next i have not got that far yet.bell frozen in time at the moment as i have no clue what she spossed to do in her own story. and yep i know this is a bad way to go about it….

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dolphinluver10 offline Verified User (1 year, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
GB | 1 year ago (4 hours, 18 minutes after post)

It has quite a bit of description. Could do with a bit more, it would help to really adapt on it. Try for a change to write about something that you feel really passionate about and just write what comes from your heart, it works, trust me.

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