Love help: My boyfriend won’t control his spending. - Help.com



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My boyfriend won’t control his spending.

I am a 25-year old woman. I have been dating this guy for about a year. He is a wonderful man, very kind and loving. I am extremely worried about his financial habits, however. Despite having a college degree and a good job, he is living paycheck to paycheck. He bought a video game system this month (he already had several other game systems that work), which wouldn’t necessarily bother me…but he mentioned he had only $20 in his checking account. To me, if you have only $20 in checking and NO savings and CC debt and student loan and car debt, you shouldn’t be buying a new video game system. He also buys new DVDs/video games a lot and is constantly going out to lunch/dinner. He claims he is very underpaid at his current job, but he won’t consider looking for a new one. He complains about his rent being too high, but refuses to look for a cheaper place etc etc etc

I am concerned because he has been talking about paying down his debt since we got together, but his spending habits indicate otherwise. I love him, but the idea of purchasing a home or having children with someone who is unwilling to sacrifice having new things for the sake of long-term security scares me. I love him, but I am considering breaking up with him because I am really afraid of ending up poor and I don’t believe that you can force people to change. On the other hand, he has never asked me for any money. I just worry about our future together. What should I do?

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 473, 5, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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dazzle_p_ offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (4 minutes after post)

u just have to sit him down and exaplin to him all that u have just put above… tell him u love him but u cant think of spending ur life with some one who spends so much on things that are not important… and offer him help… offer to help him balance his finances and find a new job/place…. some times that little push and some friendly advice does us all good

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mihrei offline Verified User (1 year, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (11 minutes after post)

sounds like he really hasn’t grown up yet

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hibbie offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 25 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (21 minutes after post)

dazzle_p_ wrote:
u just have to sit him down and exaplin to him all that u have just put above… tell him u love him but u cant think of spending ur life with some one who spends so much on things that are not important… and offer him help… offer to help him balance his finances and find a new job/place…. some times that little push and some friendly advice does us all good

i think that ecellent advice.if life has taught me one thing today,its that communication is critical to a r/ship.if u dont invest in it,its hard to stay afloat.

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beatricegalant offline Verified User (1 year, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (2 hours, 8 minutes after post)

Your boyfriend needs serious counseling help. He is addicted to spending and it is just as bad as a drug or alcohol addiction. You rightfully feel worried and guess what? once married, his debts become yours. If he won’t get help soon, you will end up supporting a spendthrift and an addict. Don’t marry him unless he agrees on getting help and proves he stops his irresponsible spending. You will inherit a lot of grief. Marriage won’t change somebody’s addiction. He has serious problems.

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lsanderson3 offline Verified User (1 year) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (5 hours, 6 minutes after post)

keep your mind on what the problem is and speak to him because if you continue to turn the other cheek it will only pull you 2 apart. I always learned never go to bed mad, well never stir on problems because they build and build and in the end it is an explosion that could have been prevented.. He will probable say well i am fine or i do not have a problem or it is none of your business but complusive spending is an addiction just like drugs and alcohol. So help him face his problem and stand by him the best you can as long as he is willing to work on his problem

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