Love help: edit my story? - Help.com

I’m reading it now. Pretty good so far.

The writing is clear. Found a few typos..
“Lia waiter out of the classroom”
I think you mean that she waited outside of the classroom.

The two graphs that begin with “Just minutes later” and “Lia waiter out of the classroom” seem to be either redundant, or I’m missing something. Maybe it’s just a continuity error. It looks like he notices the coffee stain twice and the teacher comes out of the room twice.

“Other incident, rare, but some, have been reported.”
should that be incidents?

SarahxD wrote:
Im sorrythere was two seperate thought going on there, the first being the principal, the other beign Lia

Maybe put some of the thoughts in italics, or intertwine the two so that the actions aren’t repeated.

Sorry.. still reading. Found another one.
“Yup, that means they had method for determining”
I think you mean that they had no method.

And.. Unless, then didn’t and someone stole their body”
I think then is supposed to be they.

SarahxD wrote:
Ive gotta go eat, but ill tell you my ideas now and ill check your response when I get back (assuming you do)-she realizes that they cant help her cause her death date was never recorded and doesnt go-she realized “” and still goes -she goes and something bad happens -she goes and finds out, not her death date, btu gets closed to finding it outwhich one is best?

I don’t know. Just remember that you have to have conflict if you want the plot to keep going.

You’re doing a GREAT job!