This post left anonymously
Am i Depressed or just being stupid?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years but the thing is when we first got together i was 17 and was seeing his mate at the same time for about a year. I did’nt like his mate as much but for some reason could’nt stop myself, i think i liked the attention as my partner was at work a lot and did’nt see him quite a much. I used to get fed up with his mate calling me all the time and following me about, in the end my partner started to suspect things where going on but i assured him they were not, eventually there was a big fall out over it and we told his mate to leave and never see us again, which was great and got me out a real hard situation.
I never told my partner about me and his mate, i completly forgot all about it and was very happy with my life. I had the perfect relationship and now had our own home together, everything was just perfect until 2 years ago we was out walking together and for some reason i could not get the past out my head, it was as if someone was playing a video tape of my past in my head over and over again and i kept repeating in my head “you slept with ….” as much as i tried to stop this i could’nt and i started to shake and cry and eventually at the end of the day partly told what went on and eventually over the next few months spilled the beans on all the bad things i done in my life with his mate and how i had flirted with others. I was full of guilt and could not hold it in. I was crying all the time and life was so difficult at home.
I went to the doctor as things where not getting better and i was diagnosed with depression and intense anxiety, and put on antidepressents and had counselling. This has helpped quite a bit although no longer on the meds as i put on 2 stone in weight.
The problem is now everthing keeps reminding me of the other guy, everything makes me feel guilty, I can’t be with my partner alone as my anxiety and negative thoughts are unbearable and all i think about is bad things, ie if i look at a women i think i’m a lesbian, if i look at another bloke do i not love mine?, all my happyness has gone and i want it back, i just want things back to how they used to be,
Please help me……
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
Invite Others to Help
A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.