Love help: Another Poem, Would like some criticism. - Help.com

Another Poem, Would like some criticism.

As the title says, Another poem, I presented one of mine the other night at an open mic at a local shoppe the other night and had good response, Would like to know what ya’ll think of this one, and if I should present it, (if its good enough, lol)

(Before I type this, I’m not suicidal. Please don’t think I am, It’s just a poem or my feelings and my thoughts expressed into words.)

This is my bruised ego. This is my confession.

At the moment, I can’t choose between life or death.

Do you know what that means, at this moment? Have you ever felt that moment?

I doubt it, It’s a monumental moment in the measure of multitude, Magnified into mere magic and mostly mirage of miniscule muscle marred into married manipulated monstrosity,maiden name; Man, At this moment, I can’t choose between life or death.

To breathe one more breath , to force air down into my breast, Would be to give it all, And leave what’s left, But I can’t lift my life from these tired lungs,
My body is hung, from the rope of eternity and the knot of love. The tree branch of fate, and the moonlight of hatred.
The air, Is mostly poison to me, To exhale another time, would be enough for my mind to collapse.

I took a knife, a knife, A cold hard steel knife and pressed it deep into my wrist the other night, And that’s not a metaphor, That’s the truth, The dried blood and scabbed flesh is still here if you want your proof.

Over time, these acts of self worth will scar, And it will be a tattoo done by the artist formally known as depression.
And every night that I look at those works of brutally beautiful bruises and scars, Ill be reminded of this moment.
This moment , Where I can’t choose between life or death.

Because My heart has been torn and ripped apart into two unequal halves of self discovery, The left and smaller side, Love. Life
It’s what I got, I got life, It’s the only thing I got, It’s the only thing that’s ever been given to me, by anyone.
My friends, My secret loves, My affection that I believe will persist through dying, I mean hell, It’s remained through lies, deceitfulness, And outright bull$hit.
How would death stop it.
I got life, The single most important and meaningful thing in itself. I had myself, because of what I’ve been given. The one thing You should never give up is yourself. And I’ve done that, I’ve put my feelings on a shelf, for you, For them, for who else? I’ve given up my gift, when I gave up myself.

The right and much larger side,Unbalanced, The way a fat kid sits on one end of the sea saw and the new born baby on the other.Is Dominance. Hatred.
It’s what I give myself, Constantly, I hate it all. I’ve fallen across the night sky so many times that Edmond Halley is amazed of me, That the passing cars don’t phase me anymore as I stand in the center of the highway praying to be struck by lightning.
I’ve been fighting this my whole life, And I’ve been biting my tongue and concentrated expression of words, Because I want to keep the peace, When in reality I’ve let war ring out and love cease in my mind. It’s time, To choose.

Do you let the noose snap tight, Or live to fight another day. I can’t figure out who I am, Who I was, Or Who I will be…Fu©k You?Fu©k Me? Fu©k who?

Life or Death,What would you do?

KASEY J :D

Another Poem, Would like some criticism.

As the title says, Another poem, I presented one of mine the other night at an open mic at a local shoppe the other night and had good response, Would like to know what ya’ll think of this one, and if I should present it, (if its good enough, lol)

(Before I type this, I’m not suicidal. Please don’t think I am, It’s just a poem or my feelings and my thoughts expressed into words.)

This is my bruised ego. This is my confession.

At the moment, I can’t choose between life or death.

Do you know what that means, at this moment? Have you ever felt that moment?

I doubt it, It’s a monumental moment in the measure of multitude, Magnified into mere magic and mostly mirage of miniscule muscle marred into married manipulated monstrosity,maiden name; Man, At this moment, I can’t choose between life or death.

To breathe one more breath , to force air down into my breast, Would be to give it all, And leave what’s left, But I can’t lift my life from these tired lungs,
My body is hung, from the rope of eternity and the knot of love. The tree branch of fate, and the moonlight of hatred.
The air, Is mostly poison to me, To exhale another time, would be enough for my mind to collapse.

I took a knife, a knife, A cold hard steel knife and pressed it deep into my wrist the other night, And that’s not a metaphor, That’s the truth, The dried blood and scabbed flesh is still here if you want your proof.

Over time, these acts of self worth will scar, And it will be a tattoo done by the artist formally known as depression.
And every night that I look at those works of brutally beautiful bruises and scars, Ill be reminded of this moment.
This moment , Where I can’t choose between life or death.

Because My heart has been torn and ripped apart into two unequal halves of self discovery, The left and smaller side, Love. Life
It’s what I got, I got life, It’s the only thing I got, It’s the only thing that’s ever been given to me, by anyone.
My friends, My secret loves, My affection that I believe will persist through dying, I mean hell, It’s remained through lies, deceitfulness, And outright bull$hit.
How would death stop it.
I got life, The single most important and meaningful thing in itself. I had myself, because of what I’ve been given. The one thing You should never give up is yourself. And I’ve done that, I’ve put my feelings on a shelf, for you, For them, for who else? I’ve given up my gift, when I gave up myself.

The right and much larger side,Unbalanced, The way a fat kid sits on one end of the sea saw and the new born baby on the other.Is Dominance. Hatred.
It’s what I give myself, Constantly, I hate it all. I’ve fallen across the night sky so many times that Edmond Halley is amazed of me, That the passing cars don’t phase me anymore as I stand in the center of the highway praying to be struck by lightning.
I’ve been fighting this my whole life, And I’ve been biting my tongue and concentrated expression of words, Because I want to keep the peace, When in reality I’ve let war ring out and love cease in my mind. It’s time, To choose.

Do you let the noose snap tight, Or live to fight another day. I can’t figure out who I am, Who I was, Or Who I will be…Fu©k You?Fu©k Me? Fu©k who?

Life or Death,What would you do?

Kasey J :P