I am a 22 year old male who has been through alot of **** so far in his life.
The things that have happened to me i cannot change. I have tried for years to be happy on the inside but i dont see that happening here in the near future. I am always stressed out, and full of anxiety. I currently do not have much of a family, or many that i would actually call friends. I dont know why this is because it seems that everybody that meets me likes me off the bat because of my upbedat personality and humor. Its not like i didnt have friends back in high school, i was captain of my varsity baseball team and golf team. But i use the humor as a mask of whats really goin’ on in my head. I think that i push people away. Every relationship ive ever had has ended abruptly, not because of her but because of me. Im afraid she wont love me for who i am. Ive been like this for about 7 years and i cant seem to get a grip on reality. Im not a bad looking guy, i just have issues; big ****** issues that i cannot cope with. The criticism i receive from my “family” is harsh. I dont have parents….literally ~r.i.p.~. I have a grandmother that would do anything for me, but i dont take advantage. Id cry endlessly to know that she was being taken advantage of. See now, my mother and i moved into her house when i was 4 or 5yo. She was a full blown alcoholic at the time up until i moved out when my mother died of breast cancer in 2001′. But she has been sober since she died. My gram’ used to put me through alot of mental abuse as a child. I think thats why i have such a big sense of humor. They say the best comedians had it the worst growing up and i can most definitly relate to that. I dream what my life would be like right this second if my mother was still alive today, i know id be a different person.
Ever since i was 15 ive lived with my aunt and uncle whome are both full blown alcoholics and nothing i do has ever been good enough for them….EVER. My uncle is a 400lb tyrant redneck who married into the family whos social life consists of getting shitfasced at the local private club called “the eagles club”. I currently live with them because of a drug problem that i had earlier this year and had to move out of my apartment that i shared with a roommate. My roommate was an alcoholic/addict and so was I. At the time i felt it was a good decision and that i could get my life back on track….Then i got laid off from my job of 3 years because of the current economy. It took me a month to land another job. I was called nothing but lazy and useless for these 30 days. I would walk 8 miles a day just to go fill out applications and just have them denied. Sure ive made some dumbass decisions in the past hence the walking around to fill out applications part, but i still have drive and that should count for something. Haha this is the only time i have ever vented out about this stuff and it feels pretty good.
Since writing this post TyG603 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. TyG603 is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 7 months and has 2 posts and 9 replies to their name.
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