Love help: Letting go of the past? - Help.com

dont you have a boyfriend..? if you have one..just forget everything except him..:)

i think instead of -ves, you shoudl concentrate on +ves in life..

i am somehow in the same situation as you. my mother left me and my siblings when i’m 6 after my father passed away. and i hated her because of that and i tried to mend things up and talk to her and she just clams up and be silent. and in the end i gave up. and i also can’t stop hating her. :S

yes you can, and you should as a matter of fact, because it is not hurting anybody but you yourself.
think of it like this, if she said she would do anything in her power to make you feel better, what would it be?

Cakes;-) wrote:
Ankit you are right I have lots of positives in my life I am very lucky, thats why I feel so bad about posting, but sometimes like today things really explode and I leave my mum both of us feeling hurt and not knowing where to turn and I hate that, I love her but I hate her at the same time, it really messes with my head I mentioned councelling to her she said its all a load of dramatic crap!

I will just say that its time to move on..

Cakes, well she left and the favortism didn’t end there. it’s complicated. but i think you should move on and let go. it’s hard to move on i know because i haven’t move on myself.and to be bad as i may be, even if i bump into her somewhere in town, i walk pass and ignore her.

I’m sorry Cakes. That sucks. It’s easy to say ‘it’s time to move on’, but you are only human. The fact is, we really don’t tend to move on from stuff like that till we get some sort of closure. I haven’t gone through anything like that, but I do know from experience that when someone does something like that and doesn’t explain why, it makes it worse and it hurts so much more. It would almsot be better if they gave you a reason that was really horrible, but at least you had a reason, you know? At least that’s what I thought anyway.

Maybe for the moment you should just focus on getting to spend more quality time with your mum? Suggest you go out for lunch together more often, have girly dvd nights in, ask her advice on stuff even if you don’t actually need advice, just so she feels included, anything like that. And maybe after a while she may be able to open up to you? Or you may be able to ask and not have her clam up? I really don’t know though. It is a difficult situation to be in.

Maybe if after you spend some time with her, in a few weeks or so, you can say that you are not annoyed with her, and you aren’t angry or stuff like that, but all you want is an answer. You want to understand. Also explain that if she really feels she can’t open up, knowing that someday she will be able to will also help???

do you reckon spending time with her will answer you questions?, do you think it will also make you feel better?

Sorry you feel so torn on what to do. It is painful to know she left you behind. She must of had here reason’s. I can’t imagine doing this but for whatever reason, she did it. I think in order for you to feel better about yourself, you will have to forgive and try to forget. We can’t go back in time, and maybe she is one of those people that just can’t own up to their mistakes.I know it would mean the world to you, if she just had a heart, to heart talk with you, but it may not ever happen. Know that what matters most, is the now, not the past. Hopefully one day, she will bare her soul to you, and ask for forgiveness. Until that happens, try to just be thankful for having them back in your life.Sadly, life is too short to hold even well felt grudges. I think you would feel alot better if you can take the high road on this, because apparently she can’t. Counseling too, is a great idea if you need additional help with this. Best of luck for happiness on this issue :)

move on i no its hard to forget bad memories , but they have to GO!!!!!!

haven’t read all the replies but

“before I went that far”

Why’s it such a big deal? I was for me the first time, but now I’ll go whenever I think the benefits outweigh the cost of the money and time. They are professionals, and if they help, then its a win.

I use to think talking to someone like that made you a crazy person, but its the other way round. good luck

This may be hard to hear, but your mum is wrong. She doesn’t want you to ask the pro questions she doesn’t want to deal with.

Its worth it! a lifetime of not carrying emotional baggage? Sounds like a sweet deal. If you’ve got lots of hurdles, then might take time and a bit of shopping around to find one you click with. But its your life, if bugging you, slowing your awesome self down, and your worried about being dramatic :-) you rock, and your challenges are as valid as anyone elses.

Cakes, this is all alien to me, for a Mother to have favoritism with her children is very strange, I have two teens that are different souls, and I love them both for the people they are, your children are not clones they are different personalities and should be loved for who they are. I see your Mother says counseling is a lot of b/s and drama but I suspect there is something underlying here and she has some issues that need to be dealt with.
I think keep inside her she knows why she had to make that choice of taking her brother and not you, and I think she feels maybe guilty about it. She needs to deal with it, talk it out and lay it to rest, this is destroying you and her. She at least owes you an explanation as to why she made that choice so that you can go on with your life, and not have the question hanging over your head for the rest of your life. Was your brother younger than you when she left ? was it a case she couldn’t support you both ? I don’t know, but she could at least explain to you why.))))))))))))))))))hugs. x

“deep” not keep… sorry typo :D

Cakes… dear, you wont forget, and personally I don’t recommend that you try… it will make you go crazy.

First I would like to see you follow through with your idea of seeing a counselor about this. Issues of abandonment - especially at such an early age have long lasting and very detrimental effects for later in life. Now of course that is not a 100% guarantee that you will be affected in such a way, but the statistics are pretty good.

Next I think wanted to talk a little about forgetting. Forgetting is always a choice we have, but does it really work? I think some things are pretty much unforgettable, and this is one of them. Oh, you might be able to hide it in your psyche for years, but come the time when your husband has to make that business trip with his gorgeous secretary… what will you do? Of course you can’t answer that question now, but my point is the effects of something like this pop out when least expected… SO… my advice is to turn your wounds into wisdom. As Seas said, “take the high road”. Find within yourself how this experience gave you its gift. Every problem comes to us with a gift in its hands. Did this make you stronger in the sense of being on your own, and standing in your own power? Did this make you start thinking for yourself… and taking responsibility for yourself? These are gifts that take some of us a very long time to learn… if we ever learn them. The thing is only you can see the gifts this circumstance gave you. I’m sorry to hear of your turmoil… but know that it can be better… it WILL be better. Once you can see the blessings in the beating, then you can be in some way GRATEFUL for the beating … and you will move forward.
Bright blessings ~ Richard