It’s a great feeling when your in pain, it’s like your in a different world!
This is Deffinetly the start of self harm. he likes the pain and he is hurting inside so he does it. there is reason behind everything. get involved
what should i do/ i dont want him to feel like i’m blowing it out of proportion. i told him that we would talk about it next time after class, but what way do you think i should approach it? and how do i help him deal with it?
Anonymous wrote:
It’s a great feeling when your in pain, it’s like your in a different world!
why does it feel so good?
You need to do research on self harm to discover in detail for yourself why teens or children do it. You approach him in a comphortable way just keep your voice really really low almost a whisper because he will be paranoid about others hearing even if the door is closed.
Im afraid this is deffinetly a case of child abuse. 100%
why do you think its child abuse?
and i dont know if he’s paranoid about other noticing. he has the words carved on the back of his hands. and he was the one who told me. i hadnt noticed anything, he told me about it.
I’m sorry, but I disagree. Child abuse, under the laws of many countries, is considered to be from an external source (other person).
This child is exhibiting signs of depression and self harm. Almost anything can trigger that, given the right circumstances.
Most teens will write all over their arms at some time or another. I think he sees it as a more permanent reminder of his troubles.
thanks cailean. he wrote the word “devil”. do you think thats a reference to himself or some one else. or is it just a random word
i think its attention seeking or maybe a cry 4 help seems as he came to you n showed you. maybe take a step back n just watch his behaiour it may have just been a one off thing n not mean anything to him or could be just for attention but if you see more cut on him have a chat with him first as a friend b4 you take any further action he might not even realise hisself why he is doin it n came to you to see if you could give him an answer .
Ohh he told you, its a cry for help , he doesnt seem to understand why he is doing it or maby he does but he needs help on this so feel confident to go and talk to him because he likes and trust you.
he came to you. he wants some attention (not in a bad way). treat him like the person he is. do not define him by his actions. he wants to be defined by something highlight the good things in his character so he can start to define himself by them. he obviously trusts you. keep that trust.
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i thought about just stepping back, but i’m half afraid to in case something happens to him, or that the problem will get worse. if the lad cant depend on his parents (who he clearly has issues with) then school should be the next place to help him. i was annoyed with the principal as he berated the child. surely thats the wrong approach…or is the principal right and i’m the one thats wrong?
thanks everyone. those of you who have self harmed before…have you found a way out of it? are you happier now?
no wot the principal did was wrong things like this should be kept confidental unless it get really badly out of hand and he is in danger of seroiusly harming hiself but evenm so he should have let the boy kno tht he was going to tell his parents b4 hand.
Soo sorry to say this but how could you ” step back” from this without feeling guilty that shouldnt be possible. It will get worse he could kill himself especially if he likes the pain of self harm.
PS: the principal is wrong
i used to self harm and it was a wya of dealing with pain i couldnt handle not coz i wanted to kill myself.
if you step back he may never reach out to an adult again. the principal was wrong but you can’t look down on him for it.
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n i didnt mean step back completely you should keep a close eye on him but not be too vocal unless more cuts appear.
i think we all hurt ourselves at some point
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is there a conceller in the school or someone he can talk to were the conversation will be kept strictly private?
gemmi-j wrote:
i think its attention seeking or maybe a cry 4 help seems as he came to you n showed you. maybe take a step back n just watch his behaiour it may have just been a one off thing n not mean anything to him or could be just for attention but if you see more cut on him have a chat with him first as a friend b4 you take any further action he might not even realise hisself why he is doin it n came to you to see if you could give him an answer .
gemmi’s reply was why i mentioned stepping back. of course that is not what i want to do. what i want to do is help the lad. thats why i’m here asking you people to help me because i’m trying my best and obviously its not enough. people always assume when your a teacher that you dont have any real feeling att all, but believe it or not, i always have my students best interests at heart. i’m worried about the lad. thats all.
I think you should make sure he understands that you did what you thought was right.
If you’re comfortable with the situation, then tell him he can come to you if he has troubles, and you won’t take it farther unless you feel his life is threatened. You must make that stipulation.
Let him know that what he’s done is quite often a sign of something far more sinister than just scratching his skin with “devil”.It could be, he’s just “doodling”.
Have you seen his arms? Most self-harm kids will cut where it can’t be seen.
cailean wrote:
It could be, he’s just “doodling”. Have you seen his arms? Most self-harm kids will cut where it can’t be seen.
No.
yeah, i asked to see his arms. he has a few scratches up his arms, but nothing too bad. i’m in a difficult position there though because i’m a female teacher and the law is pretty strict on appropriate behaviour
mighty_fin wrote:
cailean wrote:
It could be, he’s just “doodling”. Have you seen his arms? Most self-harm kids will cut where it can’t be seen.
No.
No?
Ah yes, the law.
Who was it said “The law is a ***?”
They were so right!
i agree with gemmi. get someone else involved with you. ask him if he minds if you and him talk to the counselor together. they are more trained than you are. this also covers you butt from accusations(hey it happens)if he wants the help he will go with you.
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yes the law. we have had many law suits and false accusation made against teachers. its very difficult situation. i dont mean that the lad would accuse me of anything, he wouldnt. be what i mean is, if there are difficulties at home, it can be made far more difficult to prove /or deal with if i have not followed correct procedure. beleiev me, i have seen far too much and far too manty people get away with things that i would like to remember
i asked the school counselor to have a word. (he is a lazy ba****d though) he told me that he has more pressing issues to deal with.
i know. its always the same. thanks for all of your help and advice. at least i have somewhere to start from now. thanks all!!
well i kno its hard but wat can you do if hes not accepting the help your offering him just be ther 4 him its not like you can force him to get help i do emperthise with your situation tho but you never kno he might come round eventually jsut give it time . good luck
local minister, private couseler, another teacher,
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as long as he knows the help is there if he wants it all you can do is wait for him to take it n i think he will he probably just feels abit stupid or embarressed coz his parents found out.
stay involved not necessarily with the issue but with the young man. take those 3 extra steps down the hall to say good morning. “hows it going” goes along way when it’s said, not in passing ‘ but with a hint of meaningfullness in it.
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stay involved not necessarily with the issue but with the young man. take those 3 extra steps down the hall to say good morning. “hows it going” goes along way when it’s said, not in passing ‘ but with a hint of meaningfullness in it
yeh sqwertpoiu is talking sense, things like tht always used to lift my day when you kno someone is thinking about you and wanting you to be ok.
setting a good example is sometimes all these kids need to lift their spirits.
my son has a friend who cuts. he comes over often and i have just excepted him as he is. his home life ain’t so good(not aufull). he knows that my house is a good safe place to hang. as far as i know he doesn’t cut much or at all. not saying it was me. but i know the concern i have for him and so does he. i really do love this kid.
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i’m not trying to toot my own horn. i just want you to know that you will, from this point on, have an effect on this kids life.stay involved and it will be positive. laws keep you from being involved to much but thats why those laws are there.
i think we all have that one teacher who made a diference, and that we will never forget. you have the honor of being that teacher to this kid.
on that note. enjoy life. it’s over before you know it.
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I am 16 and I self-harm. Cut. It helps deal with emotional pain like your student I told, and my parents found out, and now I see a counselor. When we tell a teacher about our cutting we want help and it means that we trust you and like you enough to tell you a very shameful secret. I think the best thing to do is tell the boy your here to help him and you care about his safety. Don’t act all upset that makes things worse. Also cutting is not to commit suicide the fact he told means he needs you. Maybe talk to child protective services and ask them what you they think you should do. Since he was adopted abuse is possible and that is why I would contact child protective services. His behavior is likely to get worse if people single him out and punish him, show him you care, and that will help him, it may not stop him from cutting becasue it is addictive but he will feel better knowing he’s not completely alone. Good luck, cutting is very hard to heal from but with proper help it can be done!
thanks Kwstar…your very brave…thank you for sharing t=al that!
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