life help: I’m losing it. - Help.com

I’m losing it.

Here’s something I wrote a while ago to explain myself. Sorry..It doesn’t explain everything, but..that’s me.

Desperate To Escape.

Some times I feel so alone. Words cannot describe the feeling of hopelessness. It’s like…my whole world and everything I was ever

meant to do has ended. As if I entered a room where you went to get something, and everyone in the room is staring at you with

accusing eyes as you hurriedly search for whatever it is you’re here for. Then, all of a sudden, you realize you forgot what you’re

looking for and why. Except, it’s worse. You look at yourself in the the mirrors reflection and realize that you look different and you

aren’t perfect, like all the people in the room are. People are backing away from you as you try to ask them to help you search for

whatever it is you’re here for, because whatever it is, you can feel that it’s important. Maybe more important that anything else, even

living. Even that doesn’t feel like it has a point. No one helps, though. You hear whispering and laughter from somewhere behind you.

You turn to look, perhaps it’s meant to be funny? But, no one is laughing. Their faces are blank. You don’t know who whispered.

Once again you feel nervous, a feeling your not accustomed to. Maybe your hair is frizzy? Maybe you’re overweight, or your clothes are

ugly and unacceptable. You feel so ugly, miserable, and guilty. Almost as if it’s all your fault they don’t like you. You want to punish yourself,

you get so angry, because of your guilt. What is wrong with you? What can you do to make yourself acceptable? No one will tell you.

You crumple at their deadly gazes, hating yourself. It’s all your fault. Maybe if you were like them,

they would like you. You try, and wear what they wear. You put paints on your face to make yourself into someone else.

Maybe even desperately lose some weight. Starving for attention. But, the more you try, the more it gets worse. It seems hopeless.

Life altogether seems hopeless. They might like you if you do something desperate. Prove you’re in control. End your life,

and get out from under their horrible coldness. Either way, you see it, you will win. If they feel sorry, and help you, it’s the end of all your troubles..

But if it works, all of the pain and hate will end. Finally. Relief would follow, except your dead. As you fall into darkness, you feel so alone.

You die, confused and cold.

With no one to cry for you, no one to stop you. Life goes on, as it always has, and always will.

Without you.

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