Should I go to university?
*I’m really smart ;)
*It’s somewhat expected of me by my family, friends and teachers.
*I don’t have the money and don’t need the debt.
*I don’t know what I want to do for a living so I don’t even know if I need a degree.
*My boyfriend and I plan to move into together when I leave college and he’ll be in uni by then so I’ll need to work.
I don’t mind not going, I’m just wondering if I’d be ‘missing out’ and if there’s any real need to. No one at college tells me anything useful, they just want me to go so they’re institute looks good :/
Since writing this post Vjj may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Vjj is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 6 months and has 7 posts and 62 replies to their name.
I wouldn’t go to university just for the sake of going. Do you have any any idea what you take if you went?
any idea in the slightest?
That’s what I say to people when they tell me to go.
The only thing I’d really be interested in doing art, and that wouldn’t really get me very far in the working world. I think I’d be fine with my art A level if I ever want to pursue something arty anyway.
Ever think of graphic design?
Yeah, that was what I wanted to do ’til the end of high school but I kinda lost the urge for that when I was applying for college. I can’t think of any other major art based careers though :s
One of the things I noticed when decided whether or not to go University is that most of the people who have been, will tell you to go and most of the people who haven’t will tell you to get a job instead. A lot of opinions from others can be rather biased.
One of the best things that you can do is, if you have a career path in mind, look at what sort of qualifications are needed for some of the jobs available down that path. Maybe if possible, talk to people who do them sort of jobs and ask for a bit of advice. By using this information you can decide whether or not you want to go University.
Try this for a few ideas:
Go to careercrusing.com
Enter “drhs” as your username
and “careers” as the password.
then hit enter.
When the next page loads click onto “Career Matchmaker” , on the top left hand side
what happens is that you’ll answer a bunch of questions and they’ll give a listing of careers that might be suitable for you. It helped a few people I know.
Sorry, Vjj, but your plan is not very logical. You’re going to “shack up” with your boyfriend, and work to support his getting an education while you sacrifice yours. You’re getting NOTHING in the way of a commitment from your boyfriend, and you may very well end up pregnant.
Want to know what his reaction will be when that happens? He’ll tell you that he’s not ready to be a father or to be married, and he’ll want you to have an abortion. Most likely, you’ll end up paying for it yourself if that’s your choice.
Every year, Vjj, girls like you make similarly dumb decisions. You think your boyfriend out of high school is going to be your boyfriend forever. Well, it doesn’t work that way. Most women find this out one baby and single parenthood later.
Instead of throwing your life away and getting NOTHING in return, I suggest you go to college yourself. Work your way through if you have to. Don’t sacrifice your entire future for a “boyfriend” who hasn’t given you an engagement ring and a date for marriage.
Vjj, you can do a lot better than this. I know it doesn’t sound like a good bargain to you. If you’re as smart as you think you are, you will agree.
I wouldnt go just for the sake of it either,howveer you do learn so much that you dont at home
Thanks Cole, I’ll try that out :)
Chev, my boyfriend’s very committed to me, I’m not worrying about that. And if I get to be with him instead of living another stinking hour in my family ‘home’ that sounds great to me :|
I definitely think that if you are choosing not to go make sure it is for you, not for your boyfriend because, harsh as it may be, you can’t gaurentee it’ll last forever.
Rememeber that universties accept applications at all ages, so if you deicide you want to work for a while and then make up your mind to maye go later, thn that’s perfectly ok :)
I would say though that university is alot of hard work, so I would only recommend going once you have something that you want to work for as you will need dedication, but as a fresher I can tell you now - it’s great fun
Well, I was reluctant to go to University because my boyfriend is staying at my old home and absolutely hates the city I live in now. I sometimes still feel the urge to go and live with him. But trust me, there are a lot of people in univiersities that have boyfriends either at other universities or just back at home.
University is a good stepping stone to life. It eases you into things like taking care of yourself - something you may be stuck with if you did decide to go straight into sharing a room and a life with your boyfriend.
I’d say go for university. Don’t worry about the debt - if you’re from a poor family, you’ll probably be quite rich, and you don’t start paying until you’re earning at least 15K (in the UK, anyway). You’ll probably be in debt if you move into a place to live straight away.
If you do go to uni, make sure its somewhere far away, so you can actually benifit from the lifestyle, not just the education.
Vjj, I hear you, but . . . “commitments” materialize in some very tangible ways, like engagement rings and wedding dates.
Every day “committed” boyfriends and girlfriends say, “You know, my feelings have changed,” and they get up and walk out the door.
Moving in with a guy to escape an unpleasant home life is a really bad idea. Get out on your own first. Learn what self sufficiency and independence is all about. Don’t get serious with anyone who hasn’t been out on his own yet.
If you skip university and move in with your boyfriend, you will be the only one making real sacrifices, and you will be the only one taking any real risks. If you look over the past posts on this Web site, you will see the lamentations of both men and women who were positive that they had the “real thing,” and their their partner got up and left. It’s much easier to do that when you’re just boyfriend and girlfriend.
The number of guys who leave the girlfriends and wives who put them through law or medical school is staggering. They will say, “Well, you know, I’ve been learning all kinds of stuff, meeting all kinds of interesting people, and really growing personally and professionally . . . and, well, you’ve just been sitting here and you’re the same old person that you were several years ago . . . so we just kind of grew apart.”
Want to test your boyfriend’s commitment? Tell him you want to get married before you live together.
I got a box of doughtnuts that says he’ll stammer and tell you he’s not ready for that. But he IS ready for all of the benefits.
Personally I would recommend it. I’m in university at the minute and I love it. I’m studying things I like which is a plus, but it’s just a lot of fun anyway. I couldn’t have imagined getting a job straight after school. A real job I mean, not one of the many crappy part-time jobs I’ve had. Basically because I’m insanely immature. Boobies. College is maturing me. Wait, no it’s not. But maybe it will by the time I leave. I have met some of the coolest people there also, that are now my best mates.
As much as I hate to admit to chev. statements about relationships not lasting etc., I’ve got to admit, he has a point.
One thing about being away from your boyfriend is that its a ‘make or break’ scenario. You may think you already know this, or you think that living together will help decide this, but you never really learn to appreciate the one you love until you’re away from each other. It makes the time together all the sweeter ;) It’s really like rediscoving your partner all over again.
And, university, you get a lot of big breaks. You don’t get that from living with someone.
Yes, I admit, sometimes I feel almost desperate to move in with mine, but I think this has been the right choice for me :)
And its easier to drop out of uni then drop out of living with someone.
hiya, can I ask you something–
do you have a job? well, if you ever done a part time job or any job that is not career-required, you should well know that most of them aren’t very enjoyable. I am a college student and working part-time, and i hate the job. So i keep telling myself, i am going to university (even if it means having dept) so i can find a work that will be enjoyable (hopefully).
If you don’t enjoy the life now, when will you? i would recommend go to university, and enjoy the school life-style and find a good job. If you worrying about choosing a major, just choose something broad (it seems you like art, so choose fine arts, multimedia arts, etc…) and trust me, some people change their major till they are seniors. you will have enough time to choose.
about your boyfriend, i have nothing to say. it is your private life and if something goes wrong, its just another experience. learn from it. BUT whats important is you own happiness. If your boyfriend doesn’t care about your happiness, then maybe he isn’t the one for you.
best of lucks. ^^v
Well Chev, you owes me some doughnuts! Which is a shame, ’cause I don’t like doughnuts. But my boyfriend’s already asked me to marry him, I’ve already said yes, etc etc. I’m quite aware it sounds ridiculous, but some people do marry young. The only reason it’s unofficial is because we’re skanky teenagers with no money XD
X_GC_X, it’s a long distance relationship, we knowwww what it like to be far apart. I don’t need to go to uni for that. Though I take you’re point about dropping out. Thanks.
I do have a job, bil.help, and yeah, it’s just part time. A lot of my friends hate their part time jobs but I love mine! I only work in a shop but in the holidays I work pretty much all the time and I don’t mind in the slightest. I know that if I want to go I’ll get really good references from there too, which is why I’m not afraid to tackle the world without a degree. I don’t mind such jobs, I certainly don’t think there’s anything ’superior’ about working in an office and such.
Thanks for your opinions guys :)
Vjj changed the tags on this post: they were "friends, college, Money, Mind, university, life, Family, debt, Expected value, boyfriend" 4 years, 6 months ago.
I think I have to back up chev.jame on this one. Working to put your boyfriend through university is not a prudent course of action. People break up. Its a fact of life. I have seen couples that were closer then anything break up once one of them went to university and started meeting new people. They want to have a university life and date other university people.
If you guys stick it out and then he breaks up with you after he gets his degree you are going to feel really used. Don’t set yourself up for a lifecurve killer.
Figure out what is best for your future and them build your life around that. If you can swing university then do it. Stay at home if you can. Saves a lot of money and chances are you will be able to escape many of the student woes like starvation. :/
well, we know that some young couples get married early, but we also know that many end up divorcing. but that is not the point, the point is there is a possibility that you might end up being alone. working part time or working in a job that is not degree-required for the rest of your life might not guarantee your childrens’ future (well that is when you have a children, lol).
also, you sound as if you are afraid of long distance relationship, but if your love is genuine then waiting few years shouldn’t be problem. Especially, when you can see each other every often (there are those who have long dis-relationship overseas).
you say you work in only part time job and you like it, but the next part time job might not be as great. If things get harder for your boss, he might fire you and find a relative to do the work for cheap wage. things happen, don’t take it for granted.
“I certainly don’t think there’s anything ’superior’ about working in an office and such.”
I totally agree, i don really like desk jobs. but you are not majoring something like that right? like i told you, if you like art, go for it.
best of lucks ^^v
Having just finished uni and wishing to be back there I am of course biased but I would say go. Find a way. Look into grants and scholarships to help out with the money. I’m not sure quite how it works in England but in Scotland I know you can get means tested student loans which in theory should help you out with all you need.
I am in lots of debt now but you don’t usually have to start paying anything until you earn over a certain amount. Although it doesn’t always work in reality (blame top-up fees and the rest) it really should be that you go to university based on whether you can to the work, not whether you can afford it.
I had the best 4 years of my life (remember it’s only 3 South of the border) and learned so much. Not just academic knowledge either. It sounds daft but you really do learn a lot about yourself and life in general. Also because a lot more people go to university these days it’s a lot harder to get into certain jobs without a degree. And most employers don’t care too much what subject you studied. That’s why I think it’s important to study something you enjoy rather than trudge through a degree you hate just to get a particular job at the end of it. Chances are you wouldn’t like the job either :)
Another option would be to take a gap year to work and save up some money to get you started. But this would mean not living with your boyfriend and working just to keep him in uni. You are still really young. It’s great that you feel so strongly about your boyfriend but there’s no need to rush in and if he is making studying a priority for himself you should be able to too. Stay at home another year, save some cash. You can still apply now (it helps to be filling in the forms at school at the same time as everyone else) but you can apply for deferred entry ie for 2010. This is a great light at the end of the tunnel if you get sick of your job.
My goodness I have babbled on. Sorry. I just believe if you want to study you really really should. You can find a way. All the best to you!
agree, but it is really hard to go back to school once you take a break. i know a lot of people who tried to take a break and worked on, some became successful. but on the other hand, they are delivering pizzas locally lol.
There’s a quote from Jeremy Clarkson about this, not sure what it is exactly but something along the lines ‘People who go to university or go straight into work end up in the same place at the end of it… only the people who went to university are a lot more relaxed by the end of it’.
All these things still don’t change that I don’t *want* to go to uni.
Everything you’ve all said (and thank you for taking the time to say it) isn’t anything I haven’t already heard and isn’t something I’ve already not been swayed by.
Even if I went to do art, because I do love it and I’m always commended as being very good by anyone who’s opinion matters, the expense still concerns me. Even now in college, having to buy so much of my own material adds up to so much - but I can’t work without it.
Finally, this post wasn’t ever really about my boyfriend, even though the website seems to tag it as such :/ I was just letting you know I have other plans to occupy myself with if I don’t go.
Anyhow, thanks for your time :)
I guess in the end it’s your own choice. With a course like art, I’m not sure if a course will make you get much further, unless you specify a lot. You can get far either way, but if you’re willing to wait around for a few years, then speed ahead, then uni is the right choice.
If you feel like you’re not going to go into University fully, accepting all it has to offer and thinking that it will go wrong, chances are it will never live up to your wants.
Do what you think is best - not for your boyfriend or parents, but for you.
((Yes, I realise that this may contradict my statements before, but it always depends how you take uni))
Not to be a dope or anything, but how did the website work out?
Thanks X_GC_X, I agree with your second point.. I don’t think it will live up to expectations because I’ll probably end up trying to pick holes in it.
And I dunno Cole, this post is just tagged as ‘boyfriend help’ when I never intended it to be. Nor did anything to make it that way. Sigh.. technology XD
well, if all those posts didn’t convince you there only 1 thing left to say.
whether you have a good life or bad life because of this choice, never regret it. it is a choice that you made.
~ good luck. ~ (oh happy turkey day, lol)
vjj, i’m in exactly the same situation.
I’m not sure i want to go to uni, i have no idea what i want to do and feel im only going because i don’t want to start work yet, secondly, i don’t think the ’student life’ is for me, i’v stayed with friends ay numerous universities and the whole, drinking a cheap bottle of cider everynight and sleeping around simply doesn’t appeal to me, i also have a boyfriend who i would be leaving at home if i did decide to go.
whether i like it or not, he is a factor in my decision, i don’t want to lose him for something that i never really wanted in the first place.
sure if i wasn’t with him, i would take the chance, simply because i have no other commitments and nothing to stay at home for, yet theres no reason for me to go?
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