marriage help: How wrong is it of me to hate my 9 yr old step sister? - Help.com



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How wrong is it of me to hate my 9 yr old step sister?

My father and her mother were dating for 3 years until they got married 2 yrs ago. Since the day I’ve met her I’ve had to babysit her and overall I think that’s what lead me to hating her so much. Being forced to spend so much time made me realize how horribly spoiled and bratty she is. I know part of my issue is jealousy, (even though I’m old enough to get a job and all (17) I’m not allowed to because I can’t drive/not allowed to take a bus/cab/walk and they refuse to drive me to and from work) every time she wants anything all she has to do is ask her grandmother or mother and she’ll buy it, no matter how badly she behaved or whether she did her 1 chore (clean her room) they always do whatever she wants. When I was her age I had to work for it if I wanted something and when I got it at least I was appreciative and said thank you. She doesn’t and it irks me to no end.

Also I have allot of medical issues and I’m overweight + not great looking. I would have killed to have someone tell me ‘you’re so pretty’ or ‘you have such wonderful eyes’ the way her family and my father tell her. Her response is never ‘thank you’, its ‘I know’ and I’m the only one who seems to think her response is far from funny. I was always harassed and basically kicked when I was down at that age… but the very rare times when I got a compliment, it made my week and I sure as hell expressed to that person how much their kind comment meant to me.

I’ve tried a lot of things to get along with her but every time anything seems good she says something horrible or messed up. As an example, the other night I made her an ice cream sundae and we were talking a bit, everything was fine until she randomly goes ‘I don’t like that Peach (the ‘family’ cat) sleeps in your room. ’ Of course I asked why and she said ‘because she should just be sleeping with me, not you. It doesn’t make any sense that she would choose YOU’ I honestly didn’t know what to say so I just told her to go play but this kind of thing happens every day. EVERYTHING turns into a competition because of how she acts. Her behavior is starting to make me hate living here and hate being around my own father. I already don’t care for my step mother because she made It rather clear that her daughter and my father all that matter so there’s really no point in trying to make a relationship with her. But really what am I supposed to do and am I horrible for this? She’s only 9 so I feel so evil but I just… bleh, I’m very confused. I’m sorry for how long this is X_X

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 203, 5, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Time Traveller offline Verified User (1 year, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (4 minutes after post)

I think she may be a brat but your negativity toward her might be because of how your parents are being unfair to you, example the job issue.

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Help me with: How depressed are you on a scale of one to ten with ten being almost dead and one being haveing a smile on your face presently.
Time Traveller offline Verified User (1 year, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (4 minutes after post)

I think you should try to work that problem out with your Dad.

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Help me with: How depressed are you on a scale of one to ten with ten being almost dead and one being haveing a smile on your face presently.
twiggy3939 offline Verified User (1 year) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (10 minutes after post)

There is nothing wrong with you not liking her. You’re never a bad person if you don’t like a family member, so you definetly aren’t one for not like a step-sister.
I’m 19. I have a 21 and 16 real sisters and a 12 and 9 step-sister and brother. My mom and step-dad got married just 2 years ago too. So, I know it’s tough to feel like you aren’t getting enough love.
If you can talk to your dad about maybe doing soemthing with just the two of you, that would be special.
Just remember, you’re going to college soon!
And the fact that you had to grow up harder will just mean that you get to enjoy adult life more. Yough times won’t be so ahrd for you. She’ll have a hard time adjusting to the real world, however.
Just wait ;)

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Help me with: My boyfriend hasn’t had time for me lately (past 3 months), but still can fit his friends in.
Black_Rabbit offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (24 minutes after post)

you don’t hate her

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chev.jame offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (1 hour, 13 minutes after post)

Yes, it’s wrong to hate her. She’s just a little girl, and her family broke up, and now she’s been thrust into a household where there is a 17-year-old girl who wishes she’d drop dead. She’s a little kid, she’s been traumatized by a family breakup, and she’s insecure. Why don’t you really embrace her and try to be the big sister she deserves?

News flash: your parents won’t always be alive. One day you’re going to be sitting in a funeral home and you’re going to watch them close your father’s casket. And then you and your “little step sister” are going to be the only family you have. So what kind of relationship do you want to have built up with her by that time?

Now that I’ve shocked you, I hope that day doesn’t come for a long, long time. But come it will. Your relationship with your little sister (forget that “step” crap, OK?) is going to be one of the things that gets you through it.

Again, she’s a little kid and she’s going to say stupid things. If she was your biological sister, you’d have the same issues. Why don’t you try to make her world a little more secure and take some of her pain away by being a loving, supportive big sister? Do that and by the time you’re both well into adulthood, she will love you and admire you.

And don’t worry about your looks vs. hers. She may grow up to be uglier than a Bantu witch doctor. But it doesn’t matter. All that matters is how you treat each other. You’re the “almost adult,” kid, so the ball is in your court. Step up to the plate and be a big sister. You will really be glad that you did.

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